Nightmare of Choice
by dreamkent
Summary: BRUCAS. Brooke leaves at the end of season 3 after the Naley wedding. So much has changed over the past 5 yrs especially Brooke. What will happen when she is forced to move back to Tree Hill? What does Lucas do to help her or does he? Read 4 more info..
1. New York

**A/N: Okay everyone I know I have a current story: "A Thousand Years" I am ****working on, but I had this new idea and I wanted to go ahead and post this one too. **

**I don't want to give too much of a summary away in the first chapter...I want you to read and see where it leads you!**

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><p><strong>"It was written that I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice—"<strong>

**-Joseph Conrad, _Heart of Darkness_**

**_Chapter 1: New York  
><em>**

Nathan Scott hopped down the stairs of the home him and his wife, Haley, had made for their family. He never thought in a million years he would have gotten married in high school to someone so opposite of him and by the time he was twenty-two, he would have two kids and a successful career. His son, Jaime, was feeding his infant sister her food and she spit out the green goop that she never enjoyed. Jaime cringed in disgust and he turned towards his snickering father.

"James, buddy, I thought I told you to stay away from the peas. You do realize that you don't like peas either, what makes you think Lydia will too?" Nathan walked over to his son and handed him a towel to wipe his face off with.

"Dad, it's what mom gave me. How was I supposed to know?"

Lydia giggled and Jaime cringed as some of the food got in his mouth.

"You do it!" Jaime stomped away as he went to clean his face.

Nathan shook his head and grinned at his growing son.

"He just doesn't get you does he?"

Lydia smiled at her father and Nathan couldn't help but fall more in love with his beautiful daughter.

"Hey honey, when is the duo coming over today?"

Nathan turned around and saw his gorgeous wife in a fitting red sundress. She began to gather her picnic basket and Lydia's diaper bag as well.

"They should be here any minute." Nathan wiped his daughter's face off and pulled her from her high chair.

Haley looked over at her husband and daughter and couldn't believe that after everything they've been through, they were making it in the world and at such a young age. She was even more shocked that her best friend and brother-in-law was finally settling down with the love of his life, although she felt there was still something missing in his life. She was always sure that would never be fixed but she had promised she wouldn't talk or ask about it.

There was a knock at the door and in walked a glowing couple holding hands and looking like the two teenagers they were back in high school…it did seem like yesterday to her.

"Hey! You look great!" Haley walked over to the thin, blonde and pulled her into her arms.

"I feel underdressed." She looked at Haley and then looked over to the blonde standing next to her.

"You look beautiful like you always do." He kissed the side of her head and she grinned at him.

"Oh! Is that my favorite little girl?" She walked over to Nathan and took the girl from his arms.

Lydia grabbed her nose and everyone laughed.

"Hey man, are you ready for our trip?" Nathan looked over at his brother.

"Yeah, got my bag. Is Jaime coming with us?" The blonde man walked around the two women and sat next to his brother.

"Jaime is going to sit this one out. I thought maybe you and I could do this one on our own." Nathan looked over at his wife and they exchanged a look.

"Luke, I think it would be great for you two to spend time alone, do this one together." Haley looked away from her husband and smiled at her daughter in the blonde's arms.

Lucas noticed the look between Nathan and Haley but wasn't going to mention anything until the brothers left for their trip.

"Well my baby better stay safe and get back home to me soon." Peyton gave Lydia to Haley and walked over to her boyfriend and kissed him lightly on the lips.

"It's already bad enough to have my parents do that, do you have to do it too?" Jaime walked back into the kitchen and the four adults laughed at him.

Jaime rolled his eyes, grabbed his basketball, and headed towards the front door. He was excited to get out of the house and go to the Rivercourt.

"How old is he again?" Lucas pointed towards his nephew.

The four laughed again and Haley shook her head.

"He's five going on thirty."

Haley and Peyton began to gather their items for their picnic.

"That's our cue man we need to hit the road." Nathan started grabbing his bag and Lucas started for the door.

The four adults gathered their belongings while the two men got into the red mustang and the two women and two children piled into the silver explorer. With Jaime and Lydia secure in their seats the two couples exchanged their goodbyes.

"Nathan Scott, come home in one piece. Lucas don't let him do anything stupid." She patted Lucas on the arm and went to the driver seat of the SUV.

"Lucas Scott, you hurry home so I can do naughty things to you." She winked at Lucas and he winked back.

"It's like nothing has changed between the two of you." Nathan remembered all of senior year in high school of Lucas and Peyton. They couldn't keep their hands off each other. It wasn't like horny, mating rabbits, it was just their discovery of their love for one another and their grasp to never let each other go.

The two cars went on their separate paths. One car heading south and the other heading north.

About thirty minutes into their drive, Lucas cut off the radio and turned towards his brother.

"What?" Nathan asked as he pulled his sunglasses down to register the look his brother was giving him.

"You care to explain the look earlier between you and Hales?" Lucas focused his eyes back on the road and Nathan sighed.

"It's nothing man. I thought it would be nice for you and me to get away from everything. I love my son and I love my family, but you and me we are still young. We still have time to do guy stuff." Nathan was slightly lying.

The trip was mainly for business but for pleasure as well. Nathan wasn't sure if Lucas knew exactly where this trip would be leading them besides scouting for potential clients for their new sports agency, but he had to ask before there came any surprises.

"So have you talked to _her_?" Nathan kept his eyes out the window watching the pastures they drove by and Nathan could feel the tension fill within the car.

"Nope, not since she left." There was a mild bitterness in his voice with a hint of sadness.

"Well you know she lives in New York, right?" Nathan looked over at his brother.

"No, I didn't."

Nathan shook his head at the distaste Lucas possessed with his words. It was five years ago when she left. Six years ago Nathan lost a dear friend. Haley was devastated as well and Lucas and Peyton didn't know how to deal either. Haley and Nathan kept in touch with her as best as they could, but they barely saw each other as she traveled all over the country. She was a nomad, never staying in one place for too long until she met her fiancée who got her to settle down in New York.

"Well I just want you to know I plan on seeing her. You can do what you like, Luke, but if I am going to be in New York, I am going to visit with my friend." As Nathan finished his sentence his words became laced with bitterness.

How did it come to this? She was always the glue that held them together and now their unit had been slightly broken due to the heartbreak that came over her and drove her to leave Tree Hill for good.

"She was a mature girl then, Nathan, she made the choice to leave, and no one made it for her."

Nathan couldn't believe the words coming out of his brother's mouth.

"Do you hear yourself Luke?" Nathan turned towards his brother.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe she left because she couldn't handle the misery and pain that you and Peyton brought her? I know that she broke up with _you_, Luke, and I know that _you _never meant to kiss Peyton, but it's the fact that this not only happened once but twice between you two and she was so fragile then. I don't blame her for leaving and trying to find something new and better for her. If anybody deserved a fresh start it was her." Nathan finally let it out. After five years, Lucas and Nathan really never talked about her sudden departure. It was just a big elephant in the room that at some point disappeared. They all carried on with their lives, but it always ate away at them whether the others knew about it or not.

"That was a long time ago. It doesn't matter anymore." Lucas said through gritted teeth. His shades covered his eyes, but Nathan knew there was sadness behind them, that's why he suddenly put on his sunglasses.

"Whatever man, I am taking a nap." Nathan positioned himself to take a nap.

Lucas kept the radio off and began to drift back to the memories that changed everything for him.

"_Is it impossible for you to forgive me? I forgave you." _

"_For what!" _

"_For sleeping with Chris Keller." _

_I had never seen heartache like that before and I knew I ruined this moment._

"_And you know what Lucas, I loved you for that. You had such grace in that moment that I fell in love with you all over again. I…I can't believe that you would use it now as a bargaining chip." _

"_No, I'm, I'm, I, I'm not, I just…I need you to trust me and believe me when I tell you that my heart is with you, a part of me feels like ever since we got back together, you've just been waiting, waiting to push me away."_

"_Oh great, you kiss Peyton again and I'm pushing you away!" She walked away from me._

"_I love you Brooke, I don't know how else to say it."_

"_How about how you show it? I am not pushing you away Lucas, I am holding on for dear life, but I need you to need me back. Okay? Why wouldn't you tell me about the kiss and why didn't you call me while you were away and why won't you ever just let me all the way in?" She pushed against my chest and her whole body was shaking._

"_Please don't be mad, Brooke."_

"_I'm not mad, Lucas, I'm not mad." _

Lucas took his sunglasses off and it was that day, that moment he lost her forever. He lost a precious love, his best friend, his soul mate. Brooke had made her decision to leave and Lucas let her go.

"I wasn't the guy for you, Brooke Davis." Lucas said to himself. Nathan stirred a bit, but didn't wake up.

By the time Nathan woke up, they were halfway to New York. Nathan looked over at Lucas and down at his watch.

"Goodness, I didn't plan on sleeping this long, you want to switch?" Nathan turned back to his brother and he could sense something was wrong.

"No, I am fine. We are halfway there." Lucas stopped talking.

For the rest of the drive to New York, the two men discussed the athletes that they were going to scout and Lucas enjoyed the distraction from realizing that he would be in the same city as Brooke Davis.

Lucas and Nathan started their own recruiting agency after an injury Nathan suffered during a game. With their experience, they figured by putting their heads and experience together they would have a successful business.

They finally arrived in Manhattan and the city lights were amazing. Lucas had only been to New York a couple of times: once when Brooke and he came to New York to see Haley, he never really got a chance to see the city and then he came to meet his editor, Lindsey Strauss, when his first novel was published. The success that the two brothers had reached at such a young age was undeniable. They were blessed and never took that for granted. It's what made them different from most people. They weren't egotistical or greedy with their fame; they embraced it and cherished it. Now they were going to put all that passion into their new business.

When they arrived in New York, Lucas was in disbelief when Nathan told him to go to the Hotel Empire.

"Nathan, seriously? Hotel Empire. Was this really necessary?"

Once they were in their room, Lucas dropped his bag by his bed and walked over to the window and pulled back the curtains. He was in complete awe at the sight. Nathan was standing beside him.

"Are you sure you want to leave and go somewhere else?" Nathan and Lucas both stood side by side and stared out across the city and took in the sight.

"Well now that we're here, I mean I guess we can stay." Lucas really didn't want to leave especially after seeing the view from his window.

Lucas went to take a shower and the temperature was perfect that his mind drifted to Brooke. It had been nearly three years when his mind thought about Brooke Davis. He just concluded that she didn't care anymore. She packed her bags and left, didn't even finish the school year with her friends. Lucas rested his hand against the wall and let the water run over his body. He knew deep down that Peyton was the one and only girl for him, but Brooke Davis, his total opposite, had brought something out in him that no one else ever has.

"_In a nutshell, you're you and I'm me."_

"_Yeah but if I was you, well then you'd be dating yourself."_

"_What I mean is I do what I do and I like what I like and that's just who I am."_

"_I know and that's what I love about you."_

"_Okay but the music that you listen to and the books that you read, I'm not into any of that stuff." _

_I placed my hand behind her for reassurance._

"_And I never asked you to be. Okay?" _

_The look in her eyes was doubt, doubt that we were so different that it would never work or make any sense at all._

"_I kind of enjoy the fact that we're different." _

"_Okay. I'm sorry. It's just that you're really the first great guy that I've ever dated and that really scares me because I never gave a rat's ass before. Okay? But I do now."_

"_That's good because um…"I leaned in closer, "I give a rat's ass about you too."_

She was the best opposite of him but it was what kept him sane. Peyton and Lucas are so similar that it's not a bad thing, but it was great to have Brooke with him whether she was his girlfriend or his friend. Whether she believed that Lucas never missed her or cared about her, she had always been wrong. It was because she was independent that he never found himself constantly relying on her or feeling that she needed him more than others. It was what he loved about her: her independence, her fierceness to be her own self.

Lucas snapped out of his reverie when Nathan banged on the door of the bathroom.

"Lucas, you better not be playing with yourself in there."

Lucas grinned to himself as he remembered a time when he caught Nathan on the phone with Haley. He couldn't believe that Haley would ever have phone sex, but Nathan would be on the road a lot and never blamed them for having such a strong connection in that way.

Lucas turned the water off, reached for a towel, and wrapped it around his waist. When he opened the door, he found Nathan sitting on the edge of the bed with a look of concern.

"Everything okay?" Lucas used another towel to dry his hair and wipe his ears.

"Yeah."

Lucas didn't believe him.

"Nathan, what's wrong?"

Nathan turned towards his brother as his right leg began to bounce a little.

"It's Brooke, I haven't been able to reach her the past few weeks, but I figured if I mentioned I was in New York, maybe she would finally get back to me."

Lucas knew that over the past five years, Nathan would know Brooke better then himself, and if he had concern to worry about Brooke not returning his phone calls he would trust that.

"When you say you can't reach her, is her phone off? Or is she just busy?" Lucas threw the towel he used to dry his hair on the couch and went to his bag to get some clean clothes.

"I haven't spoken to her. She has sent random text messages, but I feel there is something wrong. I don't know where she lives or else I would go to see her." Nathan held his hand over his mouth.

Lucas saw the anxiety and concern across his brother's face, but he didn't know what else to do to help. He didn't know anything about Brooke these days to make an assumption on what may be going on with Brooke.

"You think we could do a search for her address here in town?" Maybe that would help, but maybe she possibly wasn't listed either.

"We should do that…are you saying you are going to help me?" Nathan looked up at his brother waiting for a reply.

"Sure." Lucas wasn't sure if he was doing this for Brooke, Nathan or himself.

Lucas had always wanted answers from Brooke and why she never wanted to speak to him. Nathan and Haley never mentioned anything about Brooke missing him or wanting to talk to him. Lucas put that aside as he was sure they were two different people now, just strangers in the world.

"Okay, I'll do a search on my phone while you get dressed."

Lucas went back into the bathroom. He slipped his boxers on and his jeans. When he reached for his undershirt, he didn't realize it was one that Brooke used to sleep in so many years ago. Lucas shook his head. Of course, Nathan bringing Brooke up after all these years now everything reminded him of her. Lucas rested his hands against the sink. It actually made him a bit angry that he was going to help his brother track down Brooke. She never tried to contact him, not after everything they've been through did she ever let him know herself that she was okay and now he was going to help track her down.

Lucas walked back into the room and Nathan looked up at him.

"Did you find anything?" Lucas asked Nathan.

"I didn't find anything under Brooke Davis, but I did find something for Julian Baker."

"Who is that?" Lucas asked.

"It's her fiancée." Nathan said quietly.

"Let's go." Lucas said quickly.

Lucas was glad that Nathan and Haley kept in touch with Brooke. Even though it upset him that Brooke never contacted him or Peyton, he was just glad that she didn't leave Tree Hill behind forever. He was content in knowing that Nathan had this concern about Brooke, because Lucas seemed to have lost it along the way.

They got a cab and Nathan told the driver where to go. Lucas kept his eyes out the window taking in the sights from their hotel to the place Brooke and Julian called home. Once they arrived Lucas realized that this would be the type of condo Brooke would live in. Nathan and Lucas walked into the building and it had a concierge of its own.

Nathan and Lucas walked up to the desk.

"We're here to see Julian Baker and Brooke Davis."

The little man behind the desk furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head.

"I am sorry who are you?"

"I am Nathan Scott and this is my brother, Lucas, we're old friends of Brooke from Tree Hill."

At the mention of Tree Hill, the little man smiled.

"Tree Hill, Miss Davis always speaks kindly about the place." The little old man smiled but drew his attention back to Nathan.

"I hate to admit boys, but Miss Davis and Mr. Baker are not here at the moment. They actually haven't been here for the past few weeks. They sometimes go on trips for weeks at a time, surely you know that Mr. Baker is a movie producer and Miss Davis always goes with him in support."

Nathan was slightly disappointed and Lucas just patted his hand on his brother's shoulder.

The little old man shook his head.

"I am sorry you missed them. I can honestly say I am not sure when they will be back."

Nathan looked at Lucas and Lucas kept his eyes on the old man.

"Thank you…Mr.?" Nathan waited for the man to say his name.

"George Wilkins, sir." He nodded to the two men and they all exchanged handshakes.

Lucas walked out of the building and Nathan joined him.

"Sorry you missed her." Lucas said as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

"You sure about that?" Nathan asked Lucas.

"I can say that I am not sorry that I missed her, I was being honest Nathan when I said it didn't bother me to not see her again. It's been five years why would I want to break the streak." It's not that Lucas didn't want to ever see Brooke again, it was just so much time has passed that he wasn't sure if he would care to know what the Brooke Davis he knew in high school would be like now.

Nathan shrugged his shoulders.

"Whatever Luke, I know that you miss her, she was a huge part of your life whether you'd like to admit it or not." Nathan walked away from his brother.

"Yeah, Nate, she was and when times got hard she bailed on me but did you have any idea what it did to me? Did she ever mention to you that she missed me or wanted to speak to me? No, because when I would ask you that, you and Haley told me she never mentioned me, so why should I care or miss her." This time Lucas walked away from Nathan and just began to walk.

"Luke!"

"You know what Nate, I didn't come to New York to argue about a stranger I don't even know anymore and I am just going to go for a walk, I'll be back at the hotel at some point."

Lucas was appalled that his trip with his brother had turned this way. Lucas came across a old music shop that sold all vinyls. He smiled and walked inside. He pulled out his phone and dialed Peyton's number.

"_Well if it isn't my pretty boy." _

Lucas didn't respond at first as he realized that pretty girl used to be his nickname for Brooke. Damn it, he cursed in his mind.

"Hey babe, guess where I am?"

"_I hope you are in New York where you told me you were going." She giggled._

Lucas smiled.

"Yes, but I am in a record store and I miss you so much." Lucas began to look through the albums.

"_Awe well surprise me." _

Whenever Lucas would go out of town, he would always find a new album to get Peyton that she may have not already had. She always loved getting those precious gifts from him.

Lucas didn't say anything for a moment and Peyton spoke again.

"_Lucas, what's on your mind?"_

Lucas grinned and was just amazed at how well Peyton knew him.

"Peyton how often do you think about Brooke?"

Lucas and Peyton never spoke about Brooke especially after sometime.

"_Why do you ask?"_

"Because she lives in New York and Nathan wanted to see her but she's out of town at the moment." Lucas scuffed and Peyton sighed.

"_Honestly, Lucas, I think about her almost everyday." _

Lucas would have never thought that as Brooke never really crossed his mind anymore.

"Really? Why haven't you ever told me?"

"_I mean what would it accomplish? Luke you and I came to terms so long ago that she didn't care to speak to either of us anymore, I figured I would just bury it away with the truth that we were probably never going to see her again. I miss her, she was my best friend, my sister, but Brooke chose to leave and create her own path without us." _

Lucas couldn't argue with that statement. As Lucas absentmindedly looked through the albums one caught his eyes. He smiled.

"I found your gift." He went to check out and Peyton began to talk about their picnic earlier that day.

Once Lucas stepped outside he started walking again and stopped dead in his tracks.

"_Lucas?" _

Lucas's hand dropped slowly as he believed his eyes were deceiving him.

"Peyton, I love you, but can I call you later? Okay bye." Lucas closed his phone and walked towards the market.

His eyes scanned the market and he began to walk again. He walked up and down the aisle and stopped. This wasn't happening; he must have been seeing things. He started to back away to leave and then he froze.

The woman turned around and dropped the jar of tomato sauce. The horror that came across Lucas' face made his heart skip a beat. She became distraught as she hurriedly tried to cover her face. She turned and started walking away from him. Lucas still froze and for a moment he couldn't believe what he saw. He ran after her. She began to run and Lucas caught up with her and turned her around to face him.

"Let go of me!" She screamed as she began to beat her tiny fists into his chest.

Lucas held her back a moment and the scarf fell from her face.

"Jesus."

The woman didn't say anything. She did everything she could to look away from him. Lucas at first wasn't sure if it was even her, but the moment he locked eyes with her, he knew it was her.

He reached towards her face and she jerked her head away.

"Get away from me!" She screamed and began to cause a scene out on the street outside the market.

Lucas couldn't believe it. Something had happened to her.

The woman disappeared and Lucas called a cab to take him back to the hotel. Lucas was like a zombie walking through the hallways. He reached his room, put his key in, and walked inside the room. He walked towards the window and stared out the window to the never ending city lights. He wondered where she could be in the infinite streets of the city.

"Lucas?"

Lucas didn't say anything. Nathan walked towards his brother and when he saw the look on his face, Nathan began to worry.

"Lucas, what's wrong?"

"I…I saw her, Nate."

"You saw who?"

Lucas turned towards his brother.

"I saw Brooke and her face…" Lucas couldn't get the image out of his mind.

"What? Where? What's wrong with her face? Lucas, are you sure it was her?"

Lucas didn't have to question himself. He knew it was Brooke; it only took looking into her eyes to know it was her. The scar on her face…what happened to the beautiful Brooke Davis?

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><p><strong>Thoughts? I need them.<strong>


	2. Going Home

**A/N: WOW, so many Leyton haters, lol, WHOA...anyways...I am so glad that I have gotten this many reviews on the first chapter! That's awesome!**

**Okay some info on what to expect from this story, you'll either love it or hate it...so going to mention it NOW...this story is going to take time getting to the Brucas stuff...this will be dark and angsty because Brooke is a broken woman who is seeking help...of course Lucas and Peyton will be together for some time in this story it DOESN'T mean I am going to put much emphasis on it...I won't go into many details of their relationship but it will be there for some time. Also, some of your predictions are great but are they right? Hmmm (as I rub my chin) lol, thanks so much guys! Working on the next chapter for A Thousand Years too, just wanted to get a second one up for this story!**

**Enjoy!**

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><p><em>"I grew up in Tree Hill, I've spent most of my life here. It's what I wished for. People say hell is endless, they say it's our worst nightmare. The face of our darkness. I like Tree Hill like this, warm, safe and loved, whatever it is, it doesn't mean there hasn't been hardships, I say hell is empty, but I'm here, and all the devils are here and here is good."<em>

-Brooke & Nathan, Season 9, One Tree Hill

**Chapter 2: Going Home**

_May 3rd, 2006_

_Brooke got Lucas's message about the accident and hurried to the hospital. She was going to check on Nathan first, but she also wanted to make sure Rachel was okay too. No matter what anybody had said about Rachel Gattina, she seemed to be the only one who had Brooke's back these past couple of days. The moment the elevator doors opened Brooke saw before her, her boyfriend taking comfort in the arm's of her best friend. Even though she thought it would be possible to save her relationship with him, she would not be able to stand the pain. _

_Brooke was going to say goodbye to Rachel but she was still sleeping. Maybe it was for the best. Brooke turned on her heel to leave._

"_Slut."_

_Brooke turned around._

"_Bitch."_

"_Whore."_

_Brook grinned and walked closer to Rachel's bedside._

"_Well I know I'm not in heaven because it would never let Brooke Davis's skanky ass through the gates."_

"_And your ass wouldn't fit at least not in the old one. How are you?"_

_Rachel looked away._

"_How's Cooper?" _

_Brooke went to sit down on the bed next to Rachel. Rachel noticed the look on her face._

"_Brooke?"_

"_I am not sure about Cooper. I just…" Brooke hesitated and wondered if it was a good idea to tell Rachel. Rachel would definitely insist that she not do it and could probably talk her out of it._

"_Rachel, I'm leaving." _

_Rachel smirked._

"_Take me with you. I want to get back into my own bed." _

_Brooke shook her head as Rachel misunderstood her._

"_No, I am going to leave Tree Hill. For good." _

_Rachel seemed a little upset but then kinked her head to the side and smiled._

"_Good for you."_

_Rachel and Brooke were not by any means best friends or even really friends, but because they were so much alike, Rachel knew what she was going through with Lucas._

"_Really? You aren't going to stop me and tell me to fight or be the better person or rub it in his face or anything like that?"_

_Rachel sat up in the hospital bed and placed her hand over Brooke's._

"_Brooke, you and I both know that we don't like each other or have not had the best track in our relationship but you deserve better from that dick, Lucas Scott."_

_Brooke smiled but it was a sad smile. _

"_I'll write you." Brooke snickered._

"_You better. I want to hear about your new life. Now get out of here." Rachel smacked her leg and Brooke pulled Rachel into a hug._

"_I'll call you when I figure out where I'll be." _

_Brooke left Rachel's room and did her best to avoid anybody else in the hospital she knew would stop her from leaving. When she made the last turn before exiting the hospital, she found Lucas holding a distraught Haley. Brooke wanted to be there for Haley but if she came near Lucas now, her whole world would shatter and she would not be able to leave. She only hoped that when she did leave and she called Haley and explained that she would only understand._

"_I love you both." Brooke whispered to herself about the two people who meant so much to her. Brooke took the stairs of the hospital, went to get all of her stuff, and left Tree Hill for good._

_Brooke was almost through South Carolina before she realized that she didn't know where she was going. All she had was the money he parents left her to make it on her own until she graduated, most of her clothes and some things that were precious to her. Her parents eventually understood that she was in love with Lucas Scott and wanted to finish high school with her friends. As the year progressed, her mother would check in on her to see how she was doing. Victoria Davis had grown to appreciate Karen Roe for taking good care of her daughter and looking out for her. _

_Brooke didn't even say goodbye to Karen either. Brooke would be sure to let Karen know she was okay once she knew where she was going. Brooke hadn't even contacted her parents either. _

_Brooke started to get low on gas and she stopped at a nearby gas station. She got out of her tiny Volkswagon and stretched her legs. She was still wearing the red dress that Haley insisted her two bridesmaids wear. Brooke loved the dress but now it was just a symbol of the pain she felt today. Peyton professing her undying love for Lucas, Lucas mentioning the kiss and losing the grace she fell in love with. Brooke wanted to get out of the dress immediately. She grabbed her bag and headed inside the rundown gas station. She knew she shouldn't have taken the back roads, but she was here now and couldn't get much further. She made her way through the smelly store and avoided any contact with any of the eyes of the rednecks in the store. Once inside the gross bathroom, she locked the door and began to cry. _

_What was she going to do? Brooke didn't really think this through. Maybe she should just call her parents and ask them if she could come out there, but she knew she would be more miserable there than if she had stayed in Tree Hill. Maybe she should just go back to Tree Hill. Her phone buzzed in her bag. She reached for it and saw it was a text from Haley._

'_Brooke, where are you? I'm worried about you. Please let me know you're okay'_

_Great, Brooke thought. Haley was the one going through a nightmare and she was worried about her and her well-being. _

"_Damn it." Brooke felt like a horrible friend._

_Brooke put her phone back in her bag and found that she packed appropriate clothes for how she was feeling. She pulled out a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, a pair of sneakers she stole from Peyton, and Lucas's Keith Scott's Body Shop sweatshirt. Although she was so upset with Lucas and Peyton, she stole these things to always keep with her. A part of them that she will remember even if they both betrayed her heart. She gently folded the red dress, placed it in her bag with the silver shoes. She unlocked the bathroom door, hurried outside to avoid anybody talking to her. She placed her card in the dispenser, and filled her tank up with gas. She got back in her car and started driving south again. _

_She dialed Haley's number. Haley picked up on the first ring._

"_Brooke! Brooke where are you? We are so worried about you." _

_Brooke waited to respond for a moment as she tried to figure out who the 'we' was in her sentence._

"_Haley, are you alone?" Brooke asked her._

"_I'm still at the hospital with Nathan, but I am alone with him." _

_Brooke paused again and took a deep breath._

"_Haley, I am so sorry that I just left, I was going to check in on you and Nathan but I saw Lucas and I just couldn't deal. I am sorry. I am such a horrible friend." _

_Haley exhaled._

"_Brooke, don't worry about it. I love you, tigger. Where are you?"_

"_I am somewhere in South Carolina, Haley I left Tree Hill and I am probably never coming back." Brooke waited for Haley to lecture her or get angry but Haley didn't say anything._

"_Haley?" She was sure that Haley hated her now._

"_Brooke, why? I mean I know things are a little rocky with Lucas right now, but leave Tree Hill?"_

"_Haley, it's so much more than that. I just, going through this a second time with Lucas and Peyton, I just can't do it anymore. I will always love Lucas, and I think that, that might kill me in the long run. I love you and Nathan to death, but if I am looking out for my well- being and health I just can't be there anymore." Brooke began to cry as it began to rain outside._

"_Okay, okay, Brooke, ssshh, its okay. Look you shouldn't be talking on the phone while driving in the condition you're in. Once you are at a safe place, you call me back okay?" _

_Brooke could hear the concern in Haley's voice. Before she got off with Haley she spoke again._

"_Haley, please, please don't tell Lucas or Peyton about me. If they ask, just tell them I am okay. I can't, I can't have them worrying or trying to find me. I know it's a lot to ask, but—"_

"_Anything for you, Brooke. Just get somewhere safe and call me back." Haley hung up the phone and Brooke placed hers on the dashboard. _

_Brooke was still trying to figure out what to do. It was pouring outside and Brooke couldn't see outside. She pulled over onto the side of the road. Then an idea came across her mind. She reached for her phone again and found the number she hoped still belonged to him. _

_She hit the send button and waited. The phone rang three times and then someone answered the phone._

"_Hello?"_

"_Hi, Jake?" _

"_Yes?" _

"_It's Brooke. Brooke Davis." _

"_Brooke, hey, what's going on? Is Peyton okay?" _

_Brooke shook her head at the mention of the blonde's name._

"_Um, I don't know, I would assume so." The tears began to form behind her eyes again._

"_Brooke, what's wrong?" _

"_Jake, I know that you and I were never really close, but I have a favor to ask."_

"_Okay." _

_Brooke explained her situation to him and Jake understood. He told Brooke about Peyton's visit to see him and Brooke got upset. How could Peyton ask Jake to marry him when she was not in the state of mind to do that? Was Peyton really going to settle for Jake when she really wanted Lucas? What was Brooke thinking? She should be irate that Peyton was going after her boyfriend now. Brooke shook her head._

"_Jake, I am sorry. I didn't know that Peyton came to see you."_

"_Its okay, Brooke, I just knew her whole heart wasn't in it. As much as I love Peyton, I couldn't do that to myself or her." _

_Brooke nodded and took a deep breath._

"_So what was that favor?" _

"_You still go to high school right?" Brooke slightly chuckled._

"_Yes?"_

"_I need to start over somewhere fresh. I thought maybe with a familiar face, I could start fresh in Savannah?" _

_Brooke at this point didn't know if she could start over alone, but with a familiar face, she thought it would help her. She knew that no one would expect her to go to Savannah, so this might be the best option for her._

"_Yeah, Brooke, that's not a problem. I even have a spare bedroom right now, if you would like to stay here until you figure out what you decide to do." _

_Brooke was more than grateful. She was still a long ways away from being in Savannah. She would stay overnight in a motel and then hit the road again in the morning. Once she made it to a motel she felt was reasonable and safe, she called Haley back and told her everything. The more Brooke spoke about the situation, the more Haley began to realize that she couldn't blame Brooke for leaving. _

"_Whatever you need me to do, Brooke, I'll do it, I am just sorry that this happened to you again. I can't believe this." _

"_Haley, just promise me that you'll never mention to Lucas anything about me. Just tell him that I am okay, but that I had to leave Tree Hill."_

"_Brooke, you still love him don't you?" _

_Brooke would always love Lucas, always. She couldn't help it. Even though Lucas did some shitty things to her, he was also the only guy who treated her like herself. Lucas told her that he loved the fact that she was different from him and it was something that kept them both sane. _

"_Always, Hales, but for me to get over him and to get past this, I need to not talk about him anymore. Can you do that for me?" Brook knew it was a lot to ask of Haley, but it was something that she had to do._

"_Of course." _

_Brooke tried sleeping that night. She buried herself in the Keith Scott sweatshirt that Lucas said she could have. The night was long and painful. She hated sleeping alone, but she realized that, that was going to be her life for awhile. Alone._

Present day, June, 2011

Brooke ran through the streets of New York and hurried back to her friend's home. Once inside she collapsed in the hallway. She began to cry. Little feet were heard scurrying towards her in the background.

"Brooke?"

Brooke wrapped her arms around her legs and pulled them as tightly as she could towards her chest. The flustered brunette knelt down beside Brooke and pulled her into her arms.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" She pushed her glasses up her nose as they began to fall.

"Five years, Mills, five years and I saw him." Brooke looked up from her knees towards the innocent brunette.

"You saw Lucas?" Millicent held her hand over her mouth.

Millicent Huxtable only heard stories about Lucas Scott, up until the moment Brooke met Julian. She never heard Brooke mention Lucas ever again. Millicent was just as surprised as Brooke was to hear the name Lucas Scott again.

"What did you do?" Millicent looked down at Brooke and Brooke shook her head.

"I panicked. I acted like a crazy person and he saw my face, Millie." Brooke wiped away all the tears that streamed down her face.

"Brooke, I am sorry, what did he do?"

His eyes. His piercing, deep, blue eyes cut through her like they always had. She saw the look of fear, panic, horror overcome him. It scared the hell out of her to see him, to be near him, and to have him touch her. After everything that has happened to her, she felt like a ghost had appeared before her.

She knew that Nathan was coming to New York from all the messages she had received. For the past month, she hadn't really spoken to Nathan not after what happened. She wasn't sure she could bear to speak to her dear friend, Nathan, about what has happened when all she wanted was to be around him and her dear friend Haley.

"He looked horrified." Brooke whispered.

"Can you blame him? Brooke, I don't know Lucas or any of your other friends from Tree Hill, but from what you have told me about these people, it seems that being with them would be the best thing for you. As much as I love having you here, bunny, you haven't even been back to your place yet. You have got to start coping with this."

Brooke's walls were torn down that night a month ago, and she knew that if she were to be around her old friends, she would be vulnerable and unstable. She wasn't sure she was ready for that again.

"Didn't you tell me not only a few days ago that you would love to go home and be with Nathan and Haley?"

Brooke looked over at her friend and rested her head on her shoulder.

"Yeah, but that was after I saw Lucas tonight. It seems that it will be impossible to avoid him now."

"Yeah, Brooke, but did you think you could avoid him forever? All you've been talking about is how safe and relaxing it would be to be around your friends. If I were you I would just suck it up and do it."

Brooke and Millicent didn't get a chance to eat their spaghetti, but they ordered pizza instead. Brooke stared out the window drinking her after dinner coffee and in the reflection of the window; she saw the horrid scar across her face. She had her phone turned off and when she cut it back on, she had six new messages from Nathan. They all were asking where was she, what's wrong, Lucas thought he saw you, I want to see you, I just want to make sure you're okay.

Brooke's heart began to break. It was time to finally rip the band-aid off, she's had on forever, but she still didn't want to do it, but there was this ache in her heart, an ache that was left behind on that fateful day. She would never forgive herself and she needed to find who she was again.

She picked up her phone again and dialed the familiar number.

"_Hello? Brooke?"_

Brooke took a deep breath.

"Haley, hi." Brooke's voice was raspier than ever.

"_Brooke, where are you? Nathan told me that Lucas saw you. Are you in New York?" _

Brooke hesitated for a moment and she knew this was going to be a mistake.

"Yes, Haley, I am, but don't tell Nathan, especially not Lucas. I am going to come home to Tree Hill for awhile. There's something I need to tell you."

"_Okay, what should I tell Nathan? He and Lucas are planning on finding you because Lucas knows that he saw you." _

Brooke didn't know what to tell Haley because she didn't plan on running into Lucas. Lucas was dead set on finding her? I guess there is no turning back.

"Just tell them that you called me, I answered and that I don't want them to come find me. I am sure you can convince them of that."

"_Brooke, Nathan mentioned that Lucas saw a scar on your face. Are you okay?" _

"Haley, I am going to book a flight to Tree Hill tonight. I'll see you soon and we can talk about it."

"_Okay."_

"Don't tell Peyton or anyone I'm coming home. Just try to convince the guys not to go out looking for me okay?"

"_Okay, Brooke. I promise." _

Brooke pressed the end button and sat down in the chair next to the window. Millicent came around the corner.

"What's the plan, bunny?"

Brooke turned back to Millicent.

"I am going to go to the condo. It's time."

Brooke walked into the kitchen, placed her coffee cup in the sink, and turned towards her friend.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Millicent rubbed Brooke's arm for comfort.

"No, I'll do this on my own. I am going to fly out immediately to Tree Hill. You're right, it's time and maybe I will find what I'm looking for."

"Brooke, I think it's great, it's what he would want too, you know?"

Brooke couldn't help the tears that were beginning to form behind her eyes.

Brooke took a cab back to her condo, and she really hoped that Wilkins was not at the front desk this time. She hadn't been back here since that night. Luckily for her, it wasn't Wilkins, so she quickly waved to the concierge and hurried onto the elevator. Once on the third story, she slowly walked to the door to her condo. Brooke took in a deep breath, placed her key in the slot, and opened the door.

The place was cold and still smelled of waffles from their last time being here. Brooke wasn't sure she was ready for this. She quickly walked through the living room to their bedroom. They were never good at making up the bed and the sheets were still rumpled from the last time that made love. Brooke tried to not linger onto the memories; she pulled out her suitcase and started packing a new set of clothes for herself. She had about worn everything in her last suitcase at Millicent's place a dozen times over the past month as she couldn't bring herself to come back here.

After packing a good fair amount of clothes, she turns to leave but stops. She looked over at the nightstand and walked over and grabbed the picture frame. It was a picture of one of the last times she was truly happy with Julian. They were in the Bahamas with Millicent and their good friend, Clay. They were all celebrating Julian's successful movie. It was a great time they all had together. She began to cry and shoved the picture in her purse. The power and water was shut off and she wasn't surprised.

She pulled out her phone and checked the airport for the first available flight for Tree Hill. She was in luck and one was leaving in an hour. So she would arrive in Tree Hill around one in the morning. She booked the flight and called Haley to let her know. Haley said she would be there to pick Brooke up from the airport. Haley assured her that the guys were going to give the search for her a rest. Brooke was relieved but it wasn't going to solve anything. Eventually she would have to come back in contact with the two blondes again and just hoped she could put it off for as long as she could.

Brooke walked back into the living room and just broke down. This was their home where they felt safe and happy. All of that was ripped away from her and she had nobody to blame but herself.

"Why? Why did this have to happen to me? Are you done punishing me?" Brooke screamed at the top of her lungs towards the ceiling.

Brooke was never a religious or spiritual person, but she felt that she had done enough good deeds in her life for karma or any force out there to leave her alone. Brooke felt nauseated and went back into the bathroom to see if there was anything in there to take. She found some Pepto and drank the foul flavored syrup then she grabbed the box next to it and shoved it in her bag too, she had a horrible feeling she was going to have to use it soon and she was afraid.

* * *

><p><strong>Thoughts? Up next: Haley picks up Brooke from airport and Brooke finally tells Haley what happened. Stay tuned!<strong>


	3. What Happened

**A/N:First off, I want to say...did you all watch the last episode with Lucas/Chad back? Oh man, I cried, I pined, and it took me back to when he was on the show. It was great seeing him again...ANYWAYS...  
><strong>

**Wow, wow, and wow! Thanks everyone for the amazing reviews! Everything does seem kind of sudden with this story, but I wanted to get this one started immediately, because I want to dive into dark angst that will unfold with Brooke and Lucas. ALSO, I have been using a third person narrator and I will soon get into POVs from the characters again, because I love doing POVs...I think that will also help understand more what is going on with the character's feelings and thoughts. **

**Also, like I mentioned in the first chapter, none of the events happened from season 4-8 BUT of course, I will choose some of them like the books Lucas wrote although the books will be slightly different because I am not following the One Tree Hill storyline from s4-s8**...

**ALSO there will be a LOT of flashbacks with this story! Just a heads up...okay...let's go...**

**Chapter 3: What Happened**

_**"I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts I am damaged at best like you've already figured out, I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing with a broken heart that's still beating." **_

_**–Broken, Lifehouse**_

Nathan was on the phone with Haley. Lucas still had his hand resting against the window of the hotel room staring out into the city wondering where Brooke had gone too. When he looked over his shoulder at Nathan, there was a shift in his posture and the look on his face changed.

"Okay, love you too." Nathan got off the phone.

"What was that about?" Lucas asked him.

"She's spoken to Brooke."

Lucas turned his full attention to his brother.

"What?"

"Brooke recognized you so she called Haley. I think we should leave it alone right now, Luke." Nathan walked away from his brother.

"What are you not telling me?" Lucas knew his brother very well and knew Nathan was keeping something from him.

"Let's just leave it alone. Brooke doesn't want to be found and she's fine." Nathan started unpacking his bag for the next couple of days.

"Why do you even care? Were you not just earlier today telling me that you didn't _want_ to see her and that you didn't _care_ to see her?" Nathan spat out at his brother.

Lucas's jaw was clenched tightly together and he knew he was caught in a contradicting moment, but after he saw her, he couldn't possibly have known what she has been through. Seeing her small body, her pale skin, and that scar on her face, Lucas knew that was not _his _Brooke Davis.

"You're right, but…" Lucas didn't know what to say because he didn't know how he felt.

"Nathan you didn't see her." Lucas said angrily.

"You're right I didn't but at least I didn't pretty much curse her name earlier Luke. You know what, she's alive, healthy, and still here, maybe that's all you should know about her."

Lucas wasn't going to argue about this with his brother. Lucas grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the room.

"That's what you do best Luke." Nathan heard him yell after him.

Lucas began to walk the streets of New York again. He really wanted to go within four blocks in every direction of that market. It was obvious she walked, so of course she would be staying somewhere close by.

Lucas stopped and mentally kicked himself.

"What the hell am I doing?" He cursed to himself.

Lucas walked over to a café, got a coffee, and started walking back to the hotel. He pulled out his phone and dialed a familiar number. It was rang three times and he was about to give up when the person on the other line picked up.

"_Hello? Lucas?"_

"Yeah, it's me, look, I need to talk to you for a minute."

"_Uh, now isn't really a good time, I am actually…" She paused for a moment._

"I promise it won't take long."

"_Okay, Luke, what is it…Jaime grab your sister's blanket." She said off to the side._

"Hales, how did she sound?" Lucas just blurted it out and really didn't mean to ask it that quickly, but it was the only thing running across his mind right now.

"_Oh Luke, she, she sounded fine. I just think she's going through something and just wants to be alone. She was spooked by running into you on the street, but Lucas, I promise everything will be okay." _

Lucas took in a deep breath and believed and trusted her. If Brooke was okay, he would leave it alone.

"Okay, Hales, thanks, we'll see you Sunday. Love you."

"_Love you too, Luke."_

Lucas placed his phone back in his pocket and made his way back to the hotel. Even though Lucas hadn't spoken or seen Brooke in five years, it didn't mean that he hated her. Even though he was angry and upset that she just packed her bags and left, she was a huge part of his life. He would at least want to make sure she was okay. After seeing her physical appearance, something inside Lucas just made all the bitterness and pain disappear. He only wanted to know how she was and if she was doing okay.

Before Lucas realized, he was back at the hotel. He took a deep breath and took the elevator up and walked back inside the room.

"So didn't bother asking me if I wanted one?" Nathan asked referring to the coffee in his brother's hand.

"I'm sorry, how about we go to the coffee shop right next door and we get a coffee together. I actually didn't really drink this one."

Nathan observed his brother as something was different about him, something he hadn't seen since high school.

"Yeah, how about we do that?" Nathan started putting his shoes on while Lucas placed the cup of coffee that he really didn't think tasted good to begin with in the trash.

The two brothers walked in silence down to the dining hall. It still shocked them and everyone they knew that these two brothers who grew up their entire lives not knowing each other and hating each other to grow closer than two brothers could be. Their father became more of a monster than the two ever thought possible. Dan Scott had killed their beloved uncle Keith in cold blood. If anything that helped bring the two brothers closer together and not to mention that Nathan married Lucas's longtime best friend as well.

As they made it to the coffee shop next door, they were quickly served their two cups of coffee. It ended up being the best coffee either of them had ever tasted before.

"This was a good idea." Lucas said.

Nathan nodded and for a moment they sat in silence, they were both trying to figure out where to start.

"What's going on with you?" Nathan asked Lucas.

Lucas stared into his cup of coffee and swirled the hot liquid around a few times and then he looked back up to his brother.

"Nate, no matter what my feelings are towards Brooke, I am always going to care if she's is okay and doing well." It's all Lucas could say and it was all he really wanted to say about it.

Nathan nodded and knew his brother couldn't entirely hate or not care about Brooke. Deep down Nathan understood what Lucas was going through. He remembered the night Lucas realized that Brooke was gone and she was never coming back.

_Nathan had only been out of the hospital for a couple of days and he wasn't taking it easy like the doctor instructed and what his wife requested of him. He spent most of his day at the Rivercourt trying to clear his thoughts and mind of the accident on the bridge._

_He jogged to his brother's house. The re-painted red door was now dripping with black paint. Nathan placed his ball in one of the chairs on Lucas's porch. He couldn't knock so he reached for the door handle and let himself in. _

_The scene before him was pitiful. Luckily for Lucas, his mother, Karen, was out of town with his mom, Deb, for a ladies weekend. Karen was going through enough with the death of Keith and the pregnancy that Deb wanted to do something nice and relaxing for the raven haired woman. Nathan was very proud of his mother for that as he thought it was probably best Karen was not here to see her son like this._

_Lucas had the box of letters Brooke had written him over this past summer strewn out all over the floor around him with a twelve pack of beer by his side. Nathan knew that Lucas was never a good drunk and he was actually glad he came over, because there was no telling what Lucas would have done unsupervised. _

"_Luke?"_

_Lucas looked up at his brother with bloodshot eyes. He picked up one of the letters with a beer in his other hand._

"_This was her last letter she wrote me…and I am going to read it to you dear brother." Lucas finished the rest of the beer and reached for another._

_Nathan shook his head._

"_Lucas, I will never forgive myself for sleeping with Chris Keller. It's unforgivable and," Lucas paused for a moment as he let out of large burp, "I am sure you will never want to speak to me again, but I hope that maybe if I open myself up to you a bit, I will be able to show you who I truly am and the love I have for you that consumes me. I think I knew from the first moment I laid eyes on you that I was in love with you. It's always going to be you Lucas." _

_Lucas stopped again._

"_Okay, Luke, that's enough. You've **had** enough." Nathan reached for the beer and Lucas jerked his hand away and shot daggers up at his brother._

"_But wait I haven't gotten to the best part." Lucas drank some more of his beer._

"_I want you to always know Lucas that I love you and that I am in love with you and no matter where you are or who we are, I am always going to be there for you everyday. Borrowing from our beloveds, I will love you always and forever, Brooke." Lucas again paused and the room went silent then he crumpled up the piece of paper and like a mad man, he threw the bottle against the wall and started gathering all the letters around him and tearing them up._

"_Damn it, Lucas, stop!" Nathan reached for his brother's hands to force him to stop._

"_Dude, look at me." _

_Lucas wouldn't look at his brother, but Nathan wasn't going to push him. He let go of his brother's hands and sat next to him on the floor._

"_She's really gone. She broke her promises." Lucas let out a bitter laugh._

"_Luke, I don't agree with Brooke just taking off and leaving without talking to you first but…I don't think you can be that angry with her." Nathan knew he struck a nerve as Lucas went to throw a punch at his brother._

_The two began to wrestle around on the floor and Nathan was finally able to throw Lucas on his back and force him to stop._

"_Quit it man! Look you told her about the kiss between you and Peyton and may I **remind** you is not the first time you have done that!" Nathan spat out in his brother's face._

_Lucas began to cry gentle tears as he tried to force them away. Nathan released his grip on his brother._

"_I know okay! I know!" Lucas yelled out._

"_But she shouldn't have left the way she did." Nathan finished for him._

"_I don't want Peyton, I only want her, and she's gone, she's just gone." Lucas said as he still lay on his back on the floor._

_It had almost been two weeks since Brooke had left and she hadn't once contacted Lucas. _

"_What am I going to do? I just lost Keith, basketball, and now her…Nathan what am I going to do?" Lucas quietly sobbed to himself and Nathan really didn't know what to say._

"_You pick yourself up, start getting yourself together, and be the better person." Nathan stood up and reached his hand out to his brother._

_Lucas hesitated but finally took his brother's hand and Nathan helped him to his feet._

"_Whew, okay, seeing as to how you wreak of alcohol, I am going to help you get into bed and you are going to sleep this off." Nathan helped get his brother into bed._

_Once Lucas's head hit the pillow, he groaned a little. Nathan tucked Lucas in his bed like a little child. _

_Nathan started walking away when Lucas called out to him._

"_What about the letters?" Lucas asked._

"_Tomorrow is a new day, Luke, get rid of them." _

"Let's just focus on this weekend and getting some clients." Lucas said quickly.

The brothers slowly began to change the subject and discussed some of the recruits they were pondering about.

* * *

><p>Haley was torn in her decision. She didn't want to lie to Lucas, but she didn't want to betray Brooke's trust either. In some ways, Haley didn't lie to Lucas, but she withheld the truth as well. It was getting closer to the time for Haley to pick up Brooke from the airport.<p>

"Hey, buddy." Haley said to the little blond boy sleeping soundly in his bed.

"Momma?" Jaime turned to face his mom and rubbed his eyes.

"I have a surprise for you." Haley said to him.

Jaime sat up.

"Do you want to go to the airport with me to pick up your surprise?" Haley asked him.

He nodded and got up quickly out of bed to put his clothes on. She grinned at the angelic boy and went into the nursery to get her infant daughter. Haley thanked God every day that her second child didn't cry and keep her up at all hours of the night. It was a little chilly outside so she made sure the sweet girl was bundled up perfectly. Haley looked at the clock on the wall and it read twelve thirty. She held the baby girl close to her chest as she walked out of the room to find Jaime wearing a mismatched outfit. In his excitement and slightly sleepy stupor it was obvious he didn't know what he was wearing.

"So you want to wear that out, eh?" Haley questioned him quietly.

"Mom." Jaime pointed towards his mother, "you said surprise and I am ready for my surprise."

"Oh my child." Haley said.

"Can you grab Lydia's bag for me my sweet son?" She followed her son towards the front of the house.

Jaime did as his mother asked. As the three got settled in the car, they began to drive to the airport. They sat in silence as Haley became slightly nervous. She hadn't seen Brooke in almost two years. She had spoken to her on the phone almost every other week, but with this latest news about Brooke, Haley was a little scared.

"Momma, are you okay?" Jaime asked from the backseat.

"I am fine, sweetie." Haley did her best to keep calm.

They finally made it to the airport in just the right amount of time. Jaime grabbed Lydia's bag just in case and Haley held her baby girl close to her chest as she used her free hand to hold Jaime's as the three walked inside the airport. Haley went to the gate that Brooke told her she would be at. Haley looked at a nearby clock and Brooke should be walking towards them at any moment.

"Momma what are we doing here, what's my surprise?" Jaime asked as he stood next to Haley who still held the sleeping baby.

Jaime met Brooke once and he fell in love with the woman. They would talk all the time on the phone and Jaime had grown quite fond of her. The first time Jaime had mentioned Lucas, Jaime and Brooke talked about him and Jaime promised Brooke that he wouldn't speak to his uncle Lucas about her. Jaime kept that promise.

Haley was about to speak until she saw her or at least who she thought was Brooke. Haley gasped a little as she saw Brooke walk towards them. Jaime and Haley both looked at the woman before them.

"Momma, who is that?"

It hurt Haley to hear her son ask her who the woman was. Jaime was supposed to know who she was and Haley was supposed to recognize her as well.

"That's your aunt Brooke, baby, that's your surprise." Haley looked down at the boy.

He looked up at his mother and then looked back to the woman before him.

"Aunt Brooke?" He questioned and then it was like he immediately recognized her and ran towards the small framed woman.

Haley put her hand over her mouth as she couldn't believe this woman before her was Brooke. She was thin, pale, and she didn't quite look like herself. Brooke embraced the little boy with all her strength and held him tight to her chest.

Brooke began to cry as this was the first time in a month she genuinely smiled. She looked past the boy towards the woman holding the infant. Brooke mouthed the words, 'thank you' and Haley nodded. Jaime took Brooke's hand and guided her towards the woman and baby.

Neither of the two women had to speak. They embraced each other and held each other for some time. Brooke felt the little baby squirm between their embrace and pulled back. The two ladies had tears in their eyes.

"Ah! Lyida this is your Aunt Brooke. Brooke, this is Baby Lydia."

Brooke held out her hands to take the infant from Haley. As Brooke held the tiny baby in her arms Brooke knew this was the right choice in coming back to Tree Hill.

"Haley." Brooke spoke for the first time and her voice was almost unrecognizable. It had grown raspier and deeper, but still embodied the essence of Brooke Davis.

"Come on, let's take you home." Haley held out her hand and took Brooke's in hers.

Haley didn't even have to ask as her son grabbed the handle to Brooke's rolling suitcase and followed his mother and aunt towards the exit of the airport. Brooke wouldn't let go of the baby as they drove back to the warm, loving house of Nathan and Haley Scott.

Jaime began to yawn and Haley told him to go back to bed. Jaime wanted to stay up longer to visit with his Aunt Brooke, but both women assured him that Brooke wasn't going anywhere.

Once Jaime was off to bed and Haley had put Lydia in the nearest baby cradle. Haley made two cups of hot tea and they sat side by side facing each other on the large, lush couch in their living room.

"I'm sorry." Brooke said.

Haley rested her hand on Brooke's arm.

"Tigger, don't."

Brooke hadn't heard that nickname in years and loved hearing it again. Brooke noticed Haley trying not to stare at the scar on her face, but it was inevitable. It was always a discussion starter.

"Brooke, how are you _really_? Are you okay? What happened?" Haley was more concerned than intrigued.

Brooke set her cup down on the table. Brooke took in a deep breath.

"I killed him, Haley."

Haley nearly dropped her cup and quickly set it on the table.

"What?" She asked baffled.

"Julian's dead and it's all my fault." Brooke brought her hands to her face and Haley pulled the brunette into her arms.

"Its okay, Brooke, you don't have to tell me now, I, I didn't realize."

The two women sat together in silence and it was like they were back in high school all over again. The nights when Brooke would be upset about Lucas or Haley would be upset about Nathan and the roommates at the time would take care of each other.

"No, Haley, I want to tell you, I need to tell you." Brooke set up and brushed away the tears.

"Take your time, Brooke."

"When I met Julian I didn't think it was possible to fall in love again after Lucas but I did. He was actually star struck by me. He loved Lucas's book."

Brooke decided against reading Luca's couple of books he published as she knew that both were about Peyton, but after meeting Julian, she became intrigued by why Julian was so smitten with her. Brooke was actually surprised by everything that Lucas had put into the book about her. She was even more surprised by how he portrayed her departure as well. He wasn't hateful, but the pain and bitterness was there of course with not much detail and that was probably why the book was such a great seller.

"I wasn't sure at first how I felt about him or where it might lead. I met him while I was visiting my parents in California. He was this new upcoming movie producer and I was this small town girl trying to just make it in the world. Anyways you know that story, you know that we traveled a lot and on our last trip together to Denver, we got into an argument." Brooke placed her hand over her heart as the rest of her story was about to unfold.

"I told him that I wanted kids and he responded and said that he didn't want any. It had occurred to me in that moment that it was something we never discussed but something I assumed he would want with me. I just got so angry with him that I stormed out, something I am apparently really good at doing." She paused as she went back to the memory of storming out on Lucas during the storm.

"It was snowing so badly that I didn't care and I didn't pay much attention. He kept calling me and I finally answered. He apologized to me and told me to just park somewhere and that he would come and get me. I did as he asked. I was parked on a bridge off to the side as it began to snow so bad that I was afraid to drive any further. I put my hazard lights on and waited for him. Once he reached me, I just stared into his eyes and we both silently apologized to each other. Then this car came. It hit ice and hydroplaned towards me. Before I could blink, Julian attempted to push me out of the way but he wasn't quick enough. The car hit us both. I flew across the front of the car into the windshield," she pointed towards the scar on her face, "and the car hit him head on. Even though I was it too, I was still able to watch the whole thing happen. I had never seen anything as disturbing and gruesome as his body twisted and broke the way it did." Brooke brought her hand to her mouth and Haley mirrored her action.

"Brooke." Haley said through tears.

"It was all my fault. If I wasn't so stubborn and ran out and if he hadn't chased after me in a snow storm, he wouldn't be dead, he would still be here. Haley, I never got a chance to say goodbye or that I love him, I…"

"Brooke, you can't think about that. Let's just say he never chased after you, something a lot worse could have happened to you. Julian knows that you loved him, you didn't need to say it, he knew it and felt it everyday he was with you." Haley didn't know Julian very well, but she knew that boy loved her. And she would have been absolutely devastated if Brooke hadn't survived.

"I know, but here I am and he's not. I haven't been able to forgive myself, and I have been in a dark place ever since."

Haley sat back and her brow furrowed.

"How did you keep this out of the media? I know we would have heard about it, if it was."

"His family. We all agreed it would have drawn unwanted attention that the family didn't want and I didn't want. It's a quiet matter that doesn't need to be publicized."

Haley nodded and placed her hand back on Brooke's arm.

"Brooke, I am so sorry, I wish you would have called us or called me. I would have been there for you in a heartbeat; you know that, don't you?"

"Of course, I do, it's just once I was finally able to be released from the hospital in

Denver and my close friend from New York, Millicent, came to get me, once I got back to New York, I couldn't bring myself to go back to our home. I have been staying with Millicent ever since and now I'm here."

They sat in silence again and Haley just wasn't sure what to say. What do you say when your best friend has lost everything? Brooke Davis was single-handedly given the hardest of hardships and it upset Haley to know this. Brooke was always selfless with her compassion and love. She had evolved more than anyone she had known. Brooke did not deserve any of this. Haley thought twice before asking this question.

"Brooke, what are you going to do about Lucas and Peyton? You can't avoid them forever now that you're in Tree Hill."

Brooke knew that was going to be an obstacle she would have to overcome. There was so much that needed to be said, so much that didn't need to be said, and yet she still really didn't want to see them. She knew that even after what happened the last time she saw them _**both**_ she didn't think it was possible to make things right or easy.

"Can we just wait awhile? I know that Lucas will be in New York with Nathan for two more days, but with Peyton here, if you need too, you can hide me in the basement or something." Brooke chuckled a little.

"Brooke, I'll respect your wishes and do my best. I honestly think it will be easy with Peyton, but with Lucas, you need to figure out when you want to let them know you're here." Haley smiled slightly at Brooke and grabbed the two cups and started for the kitchen.

"Is he happy?" The rasp in her voice was heavy.

Haley turned around to look at her tear-stained friend.

"I believe he is and so is she." Haley said kindheartedly.

Brooke smiled and sunk into the couch. Hearing Haley say that they were both happy made her feel like that clueless teenager all those years ago. Heartbroken that the boy she loved never truly loved her back.

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><p><strong>Thoughts? Up next: Nathan and Brooke talk. Lucas tells Peyton he saw Brooke. Stay tuned!<strong>


	4. I'm Lost

**A/N: I sometimes wonder if people read my author's notes, so if you do...please put pancakes as the first word in your review! Okay, loving the reviews and I do want to say something, yes, I know this story is going fast and that the last chapter had A LOT going on, BUT there are many more surprises to come...as I have dropped something in this chapter and I wonder if any of you will catch it...hmmm... :) so yeah let's see if you can catch that one. I wanted Julian's death to be addressed quickly because this story is mainly about Brooke and will eventually become about Brooke AND Lucas...soooo let's get on with it...**

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 4: I'm Lost<span>  
><strong>

**"Once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be... or lose that person completely." -Brooke  
><strong>

**"Because, sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been. And remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are." -Mouth**

**...One Tree Hill  
><strong>

I have been in Tree Hill for about forty-eight hours and even though I had been contemplating over the past few weeks if I should have come back or not, I was glad I finally did. I had mainly spent almost every waking moment with Jamie and Lydia. Haley told me that she had plans with Peyton to check out this new band that Peyton wanted to produce a record with so I offered to watch the children yesterday while Haley was out with Peyton. It brightened up my life a little to be with the children all day. It took my mind off of my current nightmare, the nightmare I was not letting go, but it was nice to have a day when I didn't have to think about it. As I lay in bed, I remembered the conversation I had with the five year old boy who resembled Lucas Scott.

_Lydia had just fallen asleep and I put her down for her nap and Jamie was watching some cartoons on the television. I went to make myself an afternoon cup of coffee. I didn't realize how tired I was until I rested on my elbows against the kitchen counter. Sleep has not been my friend over the past month. I tried my best to get it when I could and did my best to stay awake when I needed to be. _

"_Aunt Brooke." The little voice said behind me._

_I quickly turned around to find the little boy looking up at me._

"_Yeah little man." I knelt down in front of him wiping off a piece a smeared chocolate on the side of his cheek._

"_Can I ask you a question?" _

"_Of course."_

"_What's that on your face?" He reached up and ran his hand across the scar on my face._

_I looked into the blue-eyed little boy and the childish face of Lucas Scott stared back at me. _

"_I got into an accident a little while ago and when I got hurt, I got this." I pointed to the scar his hand still rested upon._

"_Why hasn't it gone away?" He asked me._

"_Sometimes when you get hurt, sometimes the wounds don't go away, they become scars." As I said the words, a pain tugged at my heart. That scar will always be a reminder of the love I've lost and the love I will never get back again. _

"_Do you want it to go away?" He asked me._

_It was always amazing at the things kids say and this little boy has such a wise soul. Is Haley sure this is not Lucas's son? _

"_Sometimes yes, but no, it's just something I have to live with and I'm okay with that. Are you okay with that?" I asked him and he removed his hand from my face and smiled._

"_I think it makes you look even prettier." He said with a big smile on his face._

_Tears began to form behind my eyes. I had only met Jamie once and he was three years old and I fell in love with him immediately. He was so adorable and it only made me want to have a child of my own, but then Julian hadn't come into my life, or any other man for that fact._

"_You know you are the only man in my life right?" I poked his nose._

"_Of course, Aunt Brooke." He said and pulled his shoulder back as he blushed._

_I went to grab a coffee cup from the cabinet when he spoke again._

"_Can I ask you something else?" He began to fidget with the drawstring of his Keith Scott's Body Shop sweatshirt. I smiled as I still had the one I stole from Lucas in my suitcase upstairs._

"_Ask my anything you want." _

"_Do you not like Uncle Lucas?" _

_I turned around to face him and the look on his face I couldn't read. Jamie and I briefly talked about Lucas as I asked him not to mention to Lucas that he speaks to me. I never explained to Jamie why Lucas and I don't talk anymore._

"_Oh honey, of course not." What should I tell him? I don't want to lie to him. How do you explain my relationship with Lucas to this little boy?_

"_Why don't you want me to tell him that I talk to you?" He looked up at me with questioning eyes._

"_Honey, Lucas and I have a long past. You know we used to be girlfriend and boyfriend right?" I asked him. It was strange trying to talk to a five year old about this._

"_Yeah, Uncle Lucas told me." He chirped up when he said it._

_I furrowed my brow at his comment._

"_Oh yeah? What did he say?" I asked him quietly._

"_I had found a picture of you, Uncle Lucas, and Aunt Peyton. He had his arm around you and I asked him why his arm was around you and not Aunt Peyton. He told me that you used to be his girlfriend. He said that when he first met you, you scared him, he said you were different from other girls but then he fell in love with your wild spirit and I think he said whimsical charm? I don't even know what whimsical is, but he told me that he loved you very, very much. Did you love him?" The little boy rambled on. _

_I didn't know what to say. I mean it wouldn't have surprised me if Lucas and Jamie never talked about me, but to hear Jamie repeat what Lucas said, it made me want to cry._

"_Can I tell you a secret?" I knelt down on my knees to be eye level with him. He nodded._

"_I was madly, crazy, stupid in love with your Uncle Lucas just like how your mom and dad are now." I said and I couldn't help it. Tears started to run down my face._

"_Then why is he with Aunt Peyton? I love Aunt Peyton, but if you two loved each other so much why are you not with him now?" _

_This boy was beginning to wear me out with his wise questions. _

"_Sometimes some people are just not meant to be with each other. Lucas and I were just those kinds of people. I love your Uncle Lucas very much." _

_He still had that crease in his forehead. He was thinking really hard and I wasn't sure I could handle any more of his questions._

"_Then why don't you talk to him or Aunt Peyton? Did they do something to hurt you?" He asked as he gave me a stern look._

_Seriously the kid was only five years old? He must spend a whole lot of time with his novelist uncle._

"_Sometimes you just lose touch with people. Lucas and Peyton were two of those people, but now that I am back in town, it's something I want to work on." I told him and it was partially true. It had been long enough and I feel like it is possible to let the past go and move on._

"_Okay, Aunt Brooke, I am sorry if I asked too many questions. I just found one of momma's old photo albums on the book shelf a little while ago. It's why I asked Uncle Lucas about you." He kissed my cheek and ran off into the living room to watch his cartoons again._

As I lay in bed, I had the photo album on the night stand with my phone resting on top of it. I looked at the small alarm clock by the photo album. It was getting close to noon. Nathan and Lucas should be home soon. I cringed a little as I wasn't prepared to possibly see Lucas and Peyton soon. It was inevitable and it was going to happen. I can't hide out here forever.

After Haley had gotten home last night, she put the kids to bed, we stayed up a little while and talked. She was too excited for Nathan to come home so she went to bed early as well. As I went to my bedroom and got into bed I had quietly snuck the photo album with me. As I went through it, I didn't realize how many pictures Haley had of me and Lucas. Pictures I had never seen before. Just like the character of Haley, the pictures tended to be in chronological order.

As I neared the wedding ceremony that Nathan and Haley restated their vows in front of all their families and friends, I realized that this would be my last appearance with everyone. I came across the last photo of me and it was with Lucas. As I stared at the picture, I realized that Lucas was genuinely happy and I was trying to keep my smile on my face.

I hurriedly flipped the pages of the wedding as that was a time that shattered my heart. As I looked at the next few pages, I realized that I never really found out when Peyton and Lucas got together, but it seems that through the rest of senior year, they weren't together. There was not one photo of them together as what would look like a couple. Then there was the graduation photo and I was surprised to see that Rachel was a part of it. She never mentioned that to me but it figures, Rachel never wanted to express her admiration of being a part of the group. That made me happy to see that. More photos I flipped through were the birth of Jamie and everyone was there. I stopped and pulled out the picture of Lucas holding baby Jamie. Tears came to my eyes as I ran my fingers across the picture. Lucas had tears in his eyes and I had never seen him look happier. I remembered being completely shocked that Haley would ask me to be Jamie's godmother even though I wasn't there for his birth or there at all. I was so happy that she did.

I placed the photo back in its place and kept flipping through the album. The birth of Lily was a few pages over and again Lucas was filled with tears as he held the sweet baby girl. I had met up with Karen, Andy, and Lily in Miami briefly. I had kept my promise to let her know how I was doing and their connecting flight to New Zealand happened to be in Miami while I was down there with Millicent and Clay and that's when I met Julian as well.

I was taken from my reverie when there was a knock on the door.

"Hey." Haley said as she poked her head in from behind the door.

"Come in." I motioned for her to enter.

"Just wanted to let you know that Nathan just called me; they are on their way back to the house. I'd say about ten minutes." She crawled under the sheets with me, circled her arm around mine, and rested her head on my shoulder.

"You okay Tigger?" She asked me.

"Yeah. Haley, I never asked you this question, but when did Lucas and Peyton actually get together?"

I knew that they were dating, especially when Haley mentioned it to me a few years ago, but I never thought to ask when they actually did get together.

"Some time after we graduated. Brooke, he didn't go running to Peyton like you assumed he would. It really did break his heart that you left." Haley said it with such sadness in her voice.

"That doesn't make any sense, I mean I left him a—"

I was cut off by Jamie shouting through the house _daddy's home, daddy's home_.

I panicked and looked over at Haley.

"That was incredibly fast. Stay here, I'll be back in a bit." She said to me as she hurried out of the room.

I grabbed my robe and hid behind my door and listened as I heard Nathan's voice echo through the house.

Some words were exchanged between Nathan and Jamie and then I heard him. He was only a staircase away from me and I walked out of the room and hid at the top of the stairs. I peeked around to see Lucas holding baby Lydia in his arms. He completely adored the baby as he held her.

The front door opened and in walked Peyton. I held my breath. Her hair was halfway down her back, straight, and a hint of red. A very different look for Peyton, but it showed her to be an older, mature woman.

They all carried on conversations for a bit and Lucas and Peyton finally decided to leave. Peyton made a comment about taking advantage of her man. A lump built up in my throat and for a moment I felt I couldn't breathe. After they all said their goodbyes and the door shut. It was quiet for some time and then I heard two feet bounding up the stairs and I was caught off guard by Nathan Scott standing before me.

Neither of us spoke as he scooped me up in his arms and held me. For a moment I felt like crying. I had missed the brother I was never given a chance to have and I closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder as he still held me. We finally pulled back from each other and he placed his hand on the scar on my face.

"Jesus, Lucas wasn't kidding." He said in a concerned tone.

"Nate, its fine…I—"

"All I want to know Brooke is if you are okay. How are you?" He asked.

"I am gradually getting better. Is that good enough?" I said to him.

He nodded.

"I am just so glad you're back. Where's Julian?" He asked me.

"You want to go on a walk later?" I asked him.

"Are you going to change? Brooke it's the afternoon and you're still wearing a robe." He asked lightening the mood.

"Of course, Scott." I swatted him on his arm and he went back downstairs.

I changed into some comfortable jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers. Once I was back downstairs, he was waiting for me.

"Um, you want to go now? You don't want to spend time with your family? Are you not tired?" I asked him.

"Brooke, I see my family everyday. This is my first time seeing you in two years. Get your butt out that door and let's go walking." He pointed towards the door and I followed behind him.

We began to walk down the lake behind their house. I was amazed at how successful the duo had become. Haley finally got her solo record out and Nathan had great success in his basketball career. That was the last time I saw them was at one of Nathan's last games. We walked in silence and I finally opened up to Nathan about Julian. He stopped walking as I got to the part about the accident. Nathan didn't know what to say and he didn't know what to do.

I couldn't help but cry again. It was still too fresh, still too much to handle, but I found myself being able to speak openly about it with Nathan and Haley. It was always easy for me to talk to them about anything.

"Brooke, I don't, I don't know what to say. What can you say about that? I am sorry he's gone." He started rubbing his hand against my back.

"Yeah, I miss him every day and I am so lost Nathan. I thought I was lost before but now, I don't see how my life can progress without him in it. I didn't think it was possible to fall completely in love with someone like I was with Lucas, but Julian gave me something that I thought I could never get again and just like that he was taken away from me."

"So what made you come back here?" He asked me.

We stopped as the sun glistened across the lake. I had forgotten how beautiful Tree Hill was and the feeling the small town brought me.

"I am lost Nathan. I don't know who I am anymore or what I am doing with my life. Tree Hill is my home; you guys are all I have left." I couldn't help it as the tears uncontrollably fell from my eyes.

Nathan pulled me into his arms and held me as I cried.

"Take all the time you need, Brooke. We are your family and we will do whatever it takes to help you. You can stay as long as you want. Okay?"

I nodded into his chest. It was so good to hear him say that.

* * *

><p>I drove us back to the house and she knew something was bothering me. With her eyes still looking outside she spoke.<p>

"What's wrong Blue Eyes?" She asked me.

I didn't turn to look at her as I kept my eyes on the road.

"It's nothing." I said.

"Come on, you can't lie to me. What's on your mind?" She asked this time turning to face me.

We finally got back to my childhood home. Peyton and I made it our home as my mom left it in my name. It was the same with a few tweaks with Peyton's artistic touch. Once we were inside, I threw my bag on floor sank down in the couch. She cuddled up to me and I pinched the bridge of my nose as I just let it out.

"I ran into Brooke in New York." I said with my eyes still closed.

I felt her shift and pull back from me.

"What?" She asked.

"Yeah, that's why I got off the phone quickly with you that first night. I thought I saw her, so I followed her and sure enough it was her." I sat up and rested my elbows on my knees with my face in my hands.

She started drawing circles on my back and I still hadn't turned to face her yet. I honestly wasn't sure the emotions I would see in her.

"What happened? Why didn't you tell me this before?" There was no anger or hate, just concern and worry.

"Because she freaked out on me. Peyton, she's different, something happened to her." I got up from the couch and walked towards the fireplace. On the mantle was a picture of me and Lily unbeknownst to Peyton behind that picture was a picture of Brooke and me from high school when Brooke and I were dating.

"What do you mean _different_?" I heard her adjust her position on the couch.

I turned to face her.

"She's got this scar on her face either from an accident or…worse."

"Like someone may have done it to her?" Peyton said for me.

"I don't know. I don't want to think that, but she didn't even look like herself. All I know is her eyes were the only thing that still possessed the embodiment of Brooke but even her eyes were dark and sad." I was still trying to wrap my mind around the image of Brooke.

"Lucas, not that I am upset that you saw Brooke or that you are bringing it up, but what is going through your mind right now? I thought you were putting Brooke in your past and leaving her there." Peyton's body language changed. She seemed to be more concerned about me than Brooke.

"I did Peyton. I don't know who that girl is anymore, but once upon a time she meant the world to _both_ of us. Haley spoke to her and assured me she was okay, but I would just want to make sure she is okay myself and that if she were in trouble or going through something that she has people in her life that are taking care of her." I ran my hand through my hair.

"I am sure she is okay, Luke."

"Peyton you didn't see her, I did. Damn it." I took the side of my fist and hit it against the wall, "why didn't she say goodbye when she left? Why didn't she ever contact me? Contact us?"

Peyton jumped and I shook my head.

"I'm sorry Peyton. I'm sorry." I walked back over to her and placed my hands on her arms.

"I'm sure she had her reasons, Luke but she's still alive, that's something we can be grateful for right?" She said as she placed her hand on my face.

I looked into her eyes and there was so much love behind them. It took me back to the moment I told her I wanted to be with her. She had that look in her eyes now that she got then. I brought her in for a kiss.

"You're right Sawyer, you're right. I am going to drop it because I missed you so much."

She raised her eyebrow and stood up from the couch.

"I missed you too and that's why I am going to take you into the bedroom and do naughty things to you just like I promised." She led me to the bedroom.

I grinned at her as I closed the door behind me.

* * *

><p>The five of us had dinner together and it was nice. It felt great being back here in Tree Hill around this amazing family. I had mentioned to them about inviting Millicent and Clay to come visit my home. They said they would love for the people who have been in my life taking care of me to come and stay in their house. I explained that Clay was also in the industry of sports and that maybe they would hit it off. Nathan got really excited to her that Clay was a freelancer and that maybe they could do some business together.<p>

I helped Haley with the dishes as Nathan put Lydia and Jamie to bed. It was getting close around nine o'clock when the phone rang and Nathan was back downstairs and answered it.

"Hello…hey what's up man?" Nathan looked at me and I knew it was Lucas on the phone, "yeah no problem…is everything okay?...no, I am just happy to be home…okay, yeah give me about ten minutes?...okay, I'll be there…yeah." He hung up the phone and walked over to Haley and me.

"That was Lucas, as I am sure you _both_ knew…he wants me to meet him at the River Court." He went to Haley and gave her a quick kiss.

"Is everything okay?" Haley asked.

I found myself also wondering if everything is okay.

"It's Lucas, our _brooding_ writer, when is he not thinking heavily about something? I'm sure it just has something to do with work. Besides, I could use the workout." He bounded up the stairs and when Haley turned around she seemed concerned.

"Haley what is it?" I asked her afraid of what her response might be. She handed me another dish and I began to dry it off.

"I bet it's about you." She said.

"What?" I almost dropped the plate in my hands.

"Brooke, I really believe he is worried about you and I am sure he would just like to know you're okay."

I wasn't ready for that and I knew Haley wouldn't understand. I did know that I was putting her in a tough spot. Lucas has been her best friend since day one and I came second.

"Haley, I'm sorry." I said.

"What? Why?" She asked as she chuckled a little.

"For putting you in a difficult position. I know you don't want to lie to Lucas and that's what I am asking you to do and I am sor—"

"Brooke, stop it." She said as she turned to face me and placed her hand on my arm.

"I don't mind doing this, it's just, I spoke to him before I picked you up from the airport and he was concerned and when he got back today with Nathan, I could tell something was on his mind and I know it was about you." She gave me a reassuring smile.

I attempted to give her a smile and we could hear Nathan stomping down the stairs again. It amazed me that it never woke the kids up.

"Okay, I'm off." He reached into the fridge, grabbed a bottle of water, kissed Haley, and walked over to me and kissed the side of my temple.

"Ew." I cringed as I pushed him away with a childish grin on my face.

"Okay ladies don't wait up. I'll be home in awhile. I love you Haley." He called behind him as he walked towards the door.

"I love you too husband."

He was gone.

Haley went to bed after some time. When we were making dinner, Nathan, Haley, and I argued about me helping buy groceries and paying my share of my stay. They kept refusing me and I was beginning to get very angry with them for not allowing me to not help out. So we came to an agreement. I would not pay for bills or rent, but buy groceries every other week and I even throw in the occasional spoiling of my godchildren. As I reached for the bottle of wine, I was definitely going to buy my own alcohol.

As I sat outside in the dark with my glass of wine, I heard Nathan get home and when I turned to see him I knew he was upset about something. I just really hoped that it was not about me. I watched as their bedroom light finally went off. I took in a deep breath as I could smell it in the air.

I knew it was going to rain. I always kept up with the weather. Whenever it rained, I was prepared for it and before I could finish my wine, the sky fell and it began to rain. I got out of the chair, sat Indian style on the back porch and let the rain wash over me.

Ever since Julian's death, it's what I did. I will probably never forgive myself and so whenever it rains I sit in the rain for however long it takes. Sometimes I feel as if Julian is with me. I wasn't tired and after some time being out in the rain, the coldness had numbed my body. I couldn't feel anymore. Every time I sit in the rain, I hope and pray that it will wash away my sins, but like I said I will probably never forgive myself for Julian's death.

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><p><strong>Hmmm...thoughts? I know you have them...spill them to me! :) <strong>

**Up next: More flashbacks and a reunion...but between who and is it a good one? Stay tuned!**


	5. Surprise Visit

**A/N: Alright a lot of you read my note as I saw several pancakes lol. Anyways I am on break right now from college so I will probably get in a lot of updates over the next week for BOTH of my stories so get excited!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 5: Surprise Visit<strong>

When I sit in the rain I will either get sick or I don't feel too well. I was definitely still freezing from last night's rain and Nathan immediately noticed it. He tried to ask me what was wrong and I did my best to prove I was okay. It took everything in me not to ask Nathan what happened between him and Lucas last night. It was too soon and the point of me coming home was to work on me, not let my mind wander on Lucas.

Lydia had a check-up appointment at eight am sharp. Who has a baby appointment that early in the morning? Nathan and Haley left around seven thirty to take her to the doctor and I stayed behind with Jamie. The sweet boy was asleep and I didn't get much of it myself. I took a deep breath and sat at the dining room table in my robe and Julian's footed pajamas. I know it was always silly that I wore them, but Julian bought us a matching pair and I've been wearing them ever since his death. I smiled at the memory.

"_This is insane. How old are we again?" I asked him as I ducked behind a wall beside him and began to laugh._

"_We're still young gorgeous, live a little." He poked around the corner and fired away and came back to my side. He leaned over and kissed me and when he pulled back, there was playful panic across his face._

"_If I don't make it out alive, I love you baby." He dramatically said. _

"_You jump, I jump right?" I said. _

_He kissed me again._

"_Okay, one, two, three." We counted together and we jumped around from behind the wall and started firing and shooting towards our enemies._

_We charged towards them. Clay, Millicent, and Clay's twin nephews charged towards us with their lasers pointed right at us. _

_Of course Julian and I were outnumbered and we lost. _

"_That was so much fun." Millicent was bouncing around now back in her white wedges, blue sundress, and white head band. I smiled at my bubbly, shy friend._

"_We should do this more often." Clay put his around me and Julian helped Millicent with her jacket._

"_Uncle Clay that was awesome, we have never played laser tag before." Sammy said to him as his brother, David nodded in agreement._

_We went to the mall as Clay promised his nephews anything they wanted. He didn't get to see his sister and her kids that much as they lived in Oregon and he lived in New York. Whenever they came to visit he would spoil the hell out of them. _

_Julian and I separated ourselves from them for a little bit. We came across this one store that had two mannequins in the window with matching footed pajamas._

"_Oh my, that is so tacky." I stated._

"_I think it's cute. Brooke, you know you want them." He said as he began to nod his head and pull me into the store._

"_No, Julian Baker, NO!" I finally caved as we looked through the hundreds of designs of the footed pajamas. We settled on the cowboy and cowgirl designs. It was actually very cute. _

We only wore them a few times but it was the thought and the fact that he was able to talk me into getting them. Everything about him I loved. He could just look at me and I would do whatever he wanted. I was feeling a little warm with his pajamas on, but his scent was still embedded in the fabric and I didn't want to take them off. I kept mine safely folded away and took his with me everywhere. Tears stung my eyes and I tried not to let them fall.

I was taken away from the past and brought to the present when I heard a small sigh come from behind me. I grinned from ear to ear as I realized that Jamie was also wearing footed pajamas.

"You have those too?" He asked as he pointed to me.

"Of course, they are the coolest." I reached down, picked him up, and brought him in my lap.

We sat in silence for a little bit.

"Hey, you want to see something cool?" I asked him.

He nodded. I grabbed a loaf of bread that was a few days pass its date of expiration, took his hand in mine, and led him out the door. We walked hand in hand in our footed pajamas to the dock on the lake.

I had a feeling that the Scott family never noticed this as Jamie's eyes went wide with surprise.

"They are so awesome." He said. I handed him a piece of bread. He looked at me.

"Just toss it towards them." I didn't realize how rigid my voice sounded but that's what I get for sitting in the rain.

He tossed the piece of bread I handed him into the lake and watched in amazement as the beautiful swan ate the food. He reached for another piece and I handed him one. We sat side by side on the dock and marveled at the swans and ducks eating the food.

"Look Aunt Brooke." I followed his gaze and I held my breath.

I had never seen a black swan before. A gorgeous mother swam towards us with little babies following behind her. Jamie's eyes were huge. Luckily for me, I had my phone in my robe pocket and I took it out as I took pictures of Jamie feeding the birds. I haven't felt this serene in a long time. There was something with Jamie and his innocence that made me forget about the rest of the world.

I was in awe and just really wished that Nathan and Haley were here to see this but it was nice to be alone with Jamie and experience this moment with just him.

"How did you know about this?" He asked me.

"Well, I wake up early every morning and sometimes I come down here and here they are. It's the only time I see them out here. So I am glad you woke up and I could share this with you."

"Aunt Brooke, please don't ever leave." He looked up at me and I frowned.

"What makes you think I would leave?" I asked him.

"I remember the last time mama talked to you on the phone when I just turned four, she seemed very sad that you weren't here. I think she's always been sad that you were never here."

This kid never stopped. He had a wise soul and he was going to do amazing things in the world. I brought him in close to me and kissed his forehead.

"Little man, I am not going anywhere."

Tree Hill was going to be my home from now on. Nowhere else felt like home anymore unless Julian was with me and he wasn't. Nathan, Haley, Jamie, and Lydia were now my family.

We slowly made our way back to the house and I had never known a child to be so excited about taking baths. I helped him get the water temperature right; he told me that he could handle everything else himself as long as I leave his Superman towel by the tub as he played in his bubble bath. I smiled at the child.

I also decided to take a quick shower as Jamie promised me he would be alright. Jamie Scott had a lot of independence for a five year old. I had called Nathan to make sure it was alright to leave him alone and Nathan assured me that the kid could spend hours in there alone and be perfectly content. So I took my opportunity to shower myself. Once I let the scolding hot water run over my body, I closed my eyes and felt some sins and horrors seep down into the drain never to haunt me again.

I shuddered as Julian's face flashed across my mind. As the water hit my face, my breasts, my thighs, I only wished and longed for Julian's touch. Now was not the time to masturbate or have those thoughts in my mind. I hurriedly exited the shower, put clean clothes on, applied mousse in my hair for natural waves, and went to check on Jamie. I knocked once.

"What's the password?" Jamie asked through the door.

I rolled my eyes.

"Peanut butter." I shouted out to him.

"Aunt Brooke, that doesn't even make any sense." He said back.

"Well silly man, you didn't give me one. How about you are the greatest godson ever!" I said and I heard him giggle.

"Okay you can come in."

Once I opened the door, I noticed that he had every possible toy boat, soldiers, and a ducky in the tub with him. I crossed my arms and shook my head at the little boy.

"It sure does look like you are having a great time in there." I knelt down the side of the tub and reached for one of his battleships.

"This is my area of silence as my mom likes to call it whenever she is mad at my daddy."

I could see it now as Haley goes off to her quiet area with a pint of ice cream and what she likes to call her 'I hate boys' music: Kelly Clarkson and sometimes Taylor Swift, but she would never admit to liking Taylor Swift.

"Well how about I go and make us a late breakfast while you have your fun time." I went to stand up and the look on his face scared me.

"What's wrong?" I asked concerned.

"Momma told me not to let you cook anything when she isn't here."

I had to admit my feelings were a little hurt. I wasn't _that_ bad of a cook, I actually learned a few things from Julian and Clay. I knelt down again to look him square in the eye.

"How about this one time you trust me and we don't tell mama, I promise you'll love it." I held out my pinky finger and he questioned it.

"Okay, but if you blow up momma's kitchen, I'll tell her you did it by yourself." This kid was a genius.

"Okay little man."

We pinky promised each other and I closed the door behind me as I made my way down the stairs. I pulled out a frying pan, bread, eggs, cheese, ham, butter and some milk. I am definitely going to need to go shopping for groceries either today or tomorrow. I whipped some eggs in a bowl, added a little milk and pepper to the eggs. I turned the heat on the stove to medium heat to warm the pan. The pan seemed warm enough and I poured the contents in the bowl into the pan.

The aroma of the food began to spread through the house. I tossed some shredded cheese in the eggs and began to scramble them neatly. I put the bread in the toaster as the eggs were almost done.

"Perfect!"

The bread popped up in the toaster and I grabbed the four pieces and placed two pieces each on two separate plates. Jamie was going to love this. I layered the bread with the eggs and ham and placed it back in the pan for a few seconds on each side to get the ham a little warm.

"Jimmy jam, the food is ready!" I hollered out and as I turned around I dropped one of the plates of food to find a set of emerald green eyes staring at me with the look of shock.

"Brooke?"

I didn't say anything as I hurried to pick up the contents of broken glass and food from the floor. I heard Jamie plowing down the stairs. I looked up quickly and the green eyes were staring at me, actually more like gaping as my scar came visible to sight.

"Aunt Brooke, what happened?" When he noticed the blonde still standing gaping mouth at me he realized the situation.

"Uh oh." He said.

"Jamie, sweetie, I didn't drop the other one, so how about you grab your plate and sit down at the dining room table and eat." He walked slowly towards me, took his plate, grabbed a juice box from the fridge and did as I asked.

I turned back to the pair of green eyes still staring at me.

"Hi." I said sheepishly.

"Brooke…how long have you been here?"

Not the response I figured I would get, but I shook my head.

"A few days." I said as I reached back down to finish cleaning up the mess.

I did not like this awkward silence so I dragged out the process of cleaning up the mess. Two feet were beside me now.

"Peyton."

She didn't say anything.

She helped me clean the rest of the mess up and walked away from me. The kitchen island was in between us now.

"Does Lucas know?" She asked me somewhat hurt.

There was definitely something else going on. I could feel it.

"No, and I know I have no right to ask this, but please don't tell him I am here…not yet. I want to tell him myself."

She crossed her arms and let out a frustrated sigh. She looked towards the dining room and tried to find the right words.

"It's been five years and you show up now?"

I honestly wasn't quite sure how my conversation with Peyton would go after all these years, but I didn't like how this was beginning.

"Peyton what do you want me to say? You don't know me anymore and you don't know my situation. So much has happened to me and I feel like I don't have to explain myself to you." I kept my voice quiet as I didn't want Jamie to think I was arguing with Peyton.

An argument was the last thing I wanted.

Her brows furrowed and she shook her head.

"You're right Brooke you don't have to explain anything to me but the least you could have done was say bye or something all those years ago."

I shook my head and could not believe this. Did she really not have any idea at the time why I left?

"You of all people should know why I left then." My blood began to boil.

Even though five years has passed and our lives went in separate directions, she should have known why I left and should not be questioning me about it.

"You seriously left because of what I said all those years ago? Brooke, I didn't make you leave! You did that all by yourself." She spat back at me.

As I looked at her, she seemed hurt, heartbroken even.

"You obviously didn't know me that well at all Peyton if you can't understand _why_ I left." I walked away from her.

For someone I considered my best friend even a sister for all those years she didn't know me at all to not understand my reasons for leaving.

"Obviously, Brooke, because if by me telling you that I was in love with Lucas was the reason why you left, then that was pathetic, he didn't even act on any of those feelings until a year later." She was trying to justify the situation. She was trying to tell me that Lucas didn't run to her or that she didn't tell him anything.

"It doesn't matter Peyton, because eventually he would run to you, he would fall in love with you and my heart would not have been able to handle it. I was madly in love with that boy and you knew that! Together or not, it would have destroyed me to be here when you two would get together! _THAT _Peyton is what you should have understood. _THAT_ Peyton is why I left!" My heart began to race and I felt dizzy.

I stumbled a little bit as my anger began to take control. I was weak; I have been for weeks now. I don't eat right, and I definitely do not sleep, getting angry and raising my voice doesn't help me much either. Peyton noticed my hesitation and started towards me but I stopped her.

"If our friendship ever meant anything to you Peyton, you will not tell Lucas you saw me. I'll even lie to him for you and say that we haven't seen each other yet. All I am asking, all I will ever ask of you is to please not tell him I'm here."

She hesitated. She let the thought run through her mind and she shook her head.

"As far as I'm concerned Brooke, you were never here just as you haven't been for the last five years."

"I stopped by to see Haley, but obviously she isn't here. To help keep your secret, I'll come back later and act like I was never here to begin with." She said as she left the house.

I sank down to the floor and tried to find my breath. I can't believe that just happened. I heard little feet slowly approach me.

"Aunt Brooke, are you alright?" His little voice asked me.

"Yeah sweetie." I said and Jamie just being around me helped steady my breath.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"Why?"

"For listening when I shouldn't have."

My eyes went wide as I didn't want Jamie to be a part of my mess of things. I reached for his little hand.

"It's okay, I'm not mad. I just didn't want you to hear me and your Aunt Peyton fighting."

"I won't tell."

Tears began to form in my eyes as the little boy reached down and put his arms around me. If this little boy wasn't here right now with me, I was sure I would have had a meltdown.

I finally got up from the floor and I kissed Jamie on the top of his head and went to get his plate from the table. Jamie sat up on the stool in the kitchen and watched as I began to clean. I gripped the counter and tried not to break down in front of the sweet angel behind me, but it was really hard. I am nowhere from being okay. I am still dealing with Julian's death and facing Peyton just now. I wasn't sure I could keep myself together.

"Tigger? Jamie, baby, what's going on?" Haley rushed over to us and I had to think quickly.

I jumped a little at the sound of her voice.

"Nothing, nothing I am fine. I was just thinking about Julian." I wasn't lying but it wasn't the real truth.

"Oh, Brooke, I'm sorry." She pulled me into her arms.

Nathan stared at me. I shook my head and he rolled his eyes.

There were some things I didn't want Haley to know. She had two kids to look after and she was the last person I wanted to stress out over my problems.

"I am going to put Lydia down for her nap." Nathan said.

Haley was busy with wiping Jamie's face and Nathan nodded towards me to follow him.

"I'm going to go fresh up." I said to Haley. She nodded.

As I began to walk away, Haley stopped me.

"Oh Brooke, Peyton will be over in about an hour. Just wanted to let you know before she surprised you."

Oh she already did that.

"Thanks Haley. I'll get myself out of the house. Maybe Jamie, Nathan, and I can go to the River Court." I said and Jamie's face lit up.

I went upstairs to my bathroom and splashed cool water against my face. When I opened the door I was greeted by the face of Nathan Scott.

"Davis, what are you lying about?" His arms crossed against his chest and he's staring straight through me.

"Nate, keep it down. Let's take Jamie to the River Court so we can talk. Haley said Peyton was coming over so let's talk there."

He didn't move for a moment and nodded.

We all got changed to head to the River Court. I asked Nathan if Lucas would be around and he said that Luke was buried away at home working on his next novel.

It made me nervous to go somewhere I haven't been in a long time, a time that made me believe all my dreams were coming true, I closed my eyes and remembered it as if it was yesterday.

"_This is my world, Brooke." He paused and smiled at me with those gorgeous blue eyes peering through me, "or at least it used to be."_

"_I have been here before you know." _

"_I know, I just never really told you what this place means to me. It's not just a court, it's where I came from, it's where I belong. It's my world." _

"_So do I get to be a part of this world?" I looked up at him hoping he would say the right thing._

"_The biggest part." _

"_Ladies and gentlemen, what a treat we have tonight, River Court legend, Lucas Scott."_

_I giggled at my dear friend, Mouth._

"_It's been months since Scott's run a full court game here so I guess the big question is…will he play tonight?"_

"_Go get 'em boyfriend." I winked at him as he kissed me gently._

_We spent hours and hours out there. I felt like I was becoming a part of something special with everyone at the River Court that night. I even did a small little cheer for all the boys and got the biggest reaction from them. Skills, Mouth, Fergie, and Junk, all of them accepted me for me, not just Lucas's girlfriend, but me. I jumped in at one point and did my best at playing. Of course I was horrible. I realized during that long night of basketball and sweat, that I was becoming someone better than I ever thought imaginable. _

_It was nearly two in the morning when everything died down. Lucas and I sat together in the middle of the court staring up at the stars. I drew circles on his hand that was wrapped around my waist and he planted sweet kisses along my face._

"_You're a part of my world, Lucas, now and always, no matter what." _

"_Same for you too, pretty girl."_

_It was only our first day back together and we spent it mainly apart, but this night made up for the entire day. Lucas was letting me into his life, a part that most people haven't seen. _

"_I love you." He whispered in my ear._

"_I love you too."_

I was taken out of memory as the car came to a stop at the River Court, I took a deep breath and got out of the car and followed the boys to the court. As I got closer, I noticed something on the concrete. There were a series of names spray painted together. Nathan, Haley, Rachel, Lucas, Peyton, Bevin, Mouth, Skillz, Fergie, and Junk. A tear came to my eye as I wish I could have been a part of that.

"So, you want to tell me what's going on?" Nathan bounced the ball and made the shot.

I grabbed the ball and firmly held it. Jamie walked up next to me and held my hand.

"Okay, I definitely know something is going on, when my son has that look on his face, he's keeping something from me." Nathan pointed out.

Jamie and I exchanged a look. As if I was asking permission from the sweet little boy, he nodded and I nodded back.

"Okay seriously this is freaking me out. Since when did you two become best buds?"

"We've always been best buds, daddy." Jamie looked up to Nathan.

I backed up, closed one of my eyes, and threw the ball in and made the shot.

"Nothing but net." I said.

Nathan's mouth fell open and Jamie went after the ball.

"Who are you?" Nathan asked.

"I've changed a lot over the years Nate." I said.

"Jamie, Aunt Brooke and I are going to talk for a minute, bud."

Jamie rolled his eyes and started playing with the ball. Nathan and I walked over to the bleachers and sat together. I let the breeze caress my face and I pulled my hair back over my shoulders.

"What happened?" Nathan asked me.

"You first." I snapped quickly.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

I rested my arms on my legs and turned to face him.

"I was sitting outside last night and saw the look on your face when you got home. What happened between you and Lucas last night?" I asked him sternly.

He got this look of anger across his face and his shoulders tensed.

"Nathan, please tell me this wasn't about me." I said as my own shoulders tensed up.

He looked over at me and let out a frustrated laugh.

"Brooke, it's nothing."

"Nathan Scott!" I hissed.

"Brooke, you don't need to worry about Lucas, in fact, you are probably better off not even giving him the time of day." He stalked away from the bleachers.

The last time I saw him like this, the last time I heard him speak so ruthlessly about Lucas was during the time they still hated each other.

"Nate?" I asked quietly and placed my hand on his shoulder.

Jamie still played with the ball and would throw it as high as he could to see how close he could get it to the net.

"Brooke, we are all different now and that includes Lucas and Peyton."

"What happened?" I raised my voice and the anger within me made me feel lightheaded.

"Hey daddy, I'm going to throw rocks in the river." Jamie hurried away.

"Brooke, when you left, Lucas went into a dark place, and over the years with you not speaking to him, his feelings towards you also grew dark. Brooke, after everything you have been through, I wouldn't bother trying to talk to him." The pain across Nathan's face hit me hard.

Lucas _hated_ me? It was something I thought he could never possess especially towards me. He must have never gotten it, never found it or he did and he didn't care. Maybe he really wanted me gone to be with Peyton.

We were surrounded by a cloud of silence for awhile.

"What happened this morning?" He asked me again.

I looked out to where Jamie was near the river and took a deep breath.

"Peyton came to the house this morning completely surprising both of us." I still had my back to him.

"Uh, how did that go?"

I smirked.

"I expected it to go better." I said this time turning around to face him.

"I honestly don't know what I expected to happen between the three of us." I rested my hands on my hips.

"Brooke, I love you, but did you honestly think it would be friendly?" He shoved his hands in his hoodie.

"God, Nathan, what am I doing? Why did I do things so wrong back then? I should have stayed and gave proper goodbyes, and I don't know maybe—"

"Brooke, you can't think that way. You were doing what was right for _you_ not Lucas and especially not Peyton!" He walked towards me and placed his hands on my shoulders.

He took in a deep breath.

"I am just upset with my brother for more reasons than just you. I don't have any right to tell you not to talk to him, but Brooke you haven't talked to him in five years, there is so much there that's been missing. I don't want you to get stressed out and I don't want you to overdo it. I just, I don't want either one of you getting hurt. More so you than Luke." He winked at me.

Jamie called out to Nathan and he ran towards his son. I watched the pair interact and my heart sank.

It was time for me to face some old demons that haunted me everyday for the past five years.

* * *

><p><strong>Thoughts? Alright guys the chapter you've been waiting for is coming up next... Stay tuned! muwahahahahaha<br>**


	6. Somebody That I Used To Know

**A/N: If you read this put muffins as your first word in your review. I thought about how I was going to write this chapter and I hope I did it justice. Brooke and Lucas have not resolved any of the pain and feelings from all those years ago, so it was bound to be awful...so I hope I did this right...**

**I also felt that this song was perfect for my story and I was so glad that I could use this song because I love Gotye! **

**So enjoy and THANK YOU so much for the wonderful reviews, you guys are the greatest!**

**Chapter 6: Somebody That I Used To Know**

Almost two weeks have gone by since I saw Brooke in New York for the first time in years. Things between Peyton and I have been a little strained. She came home a little over a week ago from Nathan and Haley's place _different_. When I tried to ask her about it, she said it was nothing. I called and asked Haley what was wrong with Peyton and she said she didn't know anything was wrong to begin with. Peyton and I both just buried ourselves in our work. She spent more time in the recording studio and I spent more time in my office writing and putting together my new ideas for my third novel.

I felt that there was something going on in Tree Hill with my family and I was the only person who didn't know what it was. Whenever I would go to my brother's house, I never really spent time there. Nathan would bring something up and say we should go to the River Court. It never bothered me, any time I could get to the court and play some ball, I took the opportunity. My heart condition kept me from playing the game all those years.

I also buried myself in our freelance agency as well. Nathan did more of the traveling than me, but it was a slow process and we both knew it was going to take some time. We finally got two call backs from our visit in New York. It was a breath of fresh air and it was great to know we were slowly doing something with our success. Nathan would encourage me to focus on my writing and I loved him for that.

I stopped writing for a bit and decided to clean my office up a bit. With our new business growing, I wanted to make some room for that part of my job in my office. I know that Peyton still had some boxes still packed sitting in the closet.

"Yeah, I think I should clean up a bit." I went into the kitchen to get a bottle of water and headed back into the room.

I started straightening up the room starting with my shelves, filing cabinet, and just as I was about to start with the closet, there was a knock at the door.

I growled a little bit as I really just wanted to spend the day by myself. I went to the door and was greeted by Haley and my favorite nephew.

"Uncle Lucas!" Jamie jumped up into my arms and I hugged him tightly.

"Hey Luke. Bad time?" Haley asked as I stepped back so she could walk in.

Jamie dropped down from my arms, ran over to the couch, and turned on the television. I smiled at my mini me and turned back to Haley.

"No, I was just cleaning. What's up?"

She gave me the 'Luke, I need a favor' look.

"What do you need?" I asked her.

"Can you watch Jamie for a few hours? I was going to take him to the studio to hang out with Peyton, but I figured he would be less in the way if he was here with you."

I would do anything for my beautiful best friend and sister in law. I looked over my shoulder at the precious boy and smiled.

"Yeah, that is not a problem."

"Lucas, I love you, thank you." She pulled me into a hug and I frowned a little bit.

"What are you doing that you need to leave the little man with me? Where's Lydia?" I knew that Nathan was working on a new client list so Lydia wasn't with him.

"She's with Quinn. We wanted a little ladies day and I think Jamie really wanted to hang out with his favorite uncle." She smiled and I could tell she was holding something back, but I wasn't in the mood to delve on anything else except my work.

"Okay, kiddo. No problem. Have fun, tell Quinn hello for me." I leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Jamie, you be my awesome son for your uncle Lucas."

"Yes momma."

Haley left and I turned back to see Jamie sitting on the couch watching cartoons. I walked over to him and sat down next to him.

"What are you thinking?" I asked the little brooder next to me.

"What are _you_ thinking?" He asked me with the look I had on my face reflected back at me.

"I asked you first." I raised my other brow at him.

"Nothing, Uncle Lucas."

I could feel something bothering the little boy, but he was just like me in so many ways and just like me I knew he didn't want to be bothered.

"Alright, well I am going to go back and start cleaning up my office. If you need anything I'll be back there." I ruffled his hair and he grinned at me.

I was back in my office and started where I left off. I pulled out the boxes that were stacked all the way to the ceiling. A lot of it was Peyton's stuff, mostly vinyls and old clothes. Yeah, I am sure we can get rid of most of this minus the records. I set Peyton's boxes to the side and noticed that I was getting to some boxes of my own. Two boxes had high school written on them and the box that sat on the bottom in the back corner I pulled it out and at first I wasn't sure what it was, but then I noticed the B written on top. I held my breath.

I wasn't even aware I still had this thinking for sure I give this to Haley a few years back. I hesitated thinking if I should open it or not. I shouldn't open it.

"Damn it." I cursed under my breath.

I walked out of the room and into the kitchen.

"You hungry, Jamie?" I called behind me.

"Sure." He yelled back.

Cooking would take my mind off of the box that held all the memories I didn't want to remember right now.

I made us some mac and cheese with sliced chicken, bacon, and mushrooms. I realized that as I was gathering the ingredients, it was Brooke's favorite meal I would always make her.

"Damn it." I cursed.

"Uncle Lucas, what's with the boxes?" Jamie asked me as he sat down at the dining table a few feet away from me.

"Most of it is Peyton's stuff when she moved in and some of its mine from when I was in high school." I poured a handful of the mac and cheese on two plates, grabbed us some water, napkins, and silverware and walked over to him.

"Why are you cleaning?" He asked me.

"Just something to clear my head." I grinned at him.

This smells amazing." Jamie's eyes lit up.

"Dig in, little man."

We both started eating in silence and we both knew something was bothering the other.

"Uncle Lucas, why are we so much alike?" He asked me and I didn't take my eyes of my food.

"Why do you ask?" Still not looking over at him.

"Well momma and daddy always say it and Aunt Br—" Jamie stopped for a minute and that caught my attention and my eyes were glued to him.

"Your Aunt Brooke?" I questioned him.

I knew that Jamie and Brooke talked, Jamie mentioned it a few times over the years, and Haley told me that even though they had met once, Jamie fell in love with her. How could he not?

"Sorry." He said going back to his food.

"Your Aunt Brooke said we are alike?"

Jamie was trying to find his words and he nodded.

"She tells me that all the time when I talk to her." He was hiding something. Even this little boy knew something that I didn't.

"How is your Aunt Brooke?" I felt compelled to ask him. Even though his parents couldn't tell me anything, I knew that Jamie wouldn't hold back.

"I think she is okay. She sounds hurt sometimes, but she's okay." He took another mouthful of food and the rest of our meal was eaten in silence.

I thought for a second before I said my next choice of words.

"You want to help me with something?" I asked him.

He nodded. We gathered our dirty dishes and placed them in the dishwasher. He followed me back to my office and crinkled his nose.

"You see this box." I pointed to the one that had the B on it.

He nodded.

"Well this box has a lot of your Aunt Brooke's stuff in it from when we dated in high school. You know she was a huge part of my life back then." I knelt down at eye level with him and we both stared at the box.

"Do you want to open it?" He asked me. I hesitated.

"At first I didn't want too, but with my best friend helping me I don't think it will be that bad." I looked over at him and winked.

"I'm your best friend?" He kinked his head to the side.

"Of course you are." I nudged him a little bit and he nudged back.

"Okay, you ready." I said more so to myself than to him. He nodded.

I started opening the flaps of the box and when I did her fragrance began to spread in the room. Vanilla and jasmine.

"It smells like Aunt Brooke." Jamie said.

Jamie had only met Brooke once right? I shook my head and immediately my heart tugged a little as I reached in to grab a jacket of hers she left behind in my room all those years ago.

For a moment I forgot Jamie was here as I brought the jacket to my nose and inhaled the scent of her. It was like she never left. Jamie reached in and pulled out a stack of photos. I set the jacket on the floor and looked over his shoulders as he started to flip through the photos. I smiled at each new photo that was revealed and when he flipped the next one I immediately snatched the pile from his hands. Jamie's eyes went wide.

"Ummm…was that Aunt Brooke naked?"

I can not believe that just happened. Haley is going to kill me. I can't believe that was in the mix of photos. I didn't know what to say.

"James…I—"

"I won't tell momma." He giggled.

I became extremely embarrassed at the thought of a naked picture of Brooke. I haven't seen Brooke naked in five years and the first time 'seeing' her again was with my five your old nephew.

"Uncle Lucas." Jamie placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Let's just stop looking at the pictures." God knows what else would be in the mix if we shuffled through the rest of them.

"What are these?" Jamie reached into the box and he pulled out a smaller box. My heart tugged again. I was beginning to regret the decision of opening this box.

"Uh, wow." I looked at the letters, most of them torn into pieces.

"This is what made me fall in love with your Aunt Brooke all over again." I grinned to myself and wished I hadn't torn most of them.

"What are they?" Jamie asked me.

"Do you know anything about how your Aunt Brooke and I met and fell in love?"

Jamie took a second and he shook his head.

"Well I was sort of in love with Peyton first, but your Aunt Brooke took me by total surprise, she was different from me, wild, crazy, and that scared me. We tried to date once but I ended up hurting her pretty bad. It took awhile for us to become friends again and when we did, I realized that I truly did love her and that I wanted to be with her. I was scared to tell her how I felt and then she was getting ready to leave for the summer to see her parents." I took a deep breath as I flipped through the clutter of paper.

"What happened next Uncle Lucas?"

"Well I told her I loved her and I kissed her."

"Did she say it back?" Jamie was very intrigued.

"No, she said goodbye and left for three months." I set the box down.

"So what are these?" Jamie pointed to the box.

"When your aunt Brooke came back, I could tell she was scared to be with me. We tried to be together and she did something that hurt me, but not on purpose and I was angry with her. So she showed up at my doorstep with this box. She told me that in this box contained eighty-two letters that she wrote to me over the summer about how she was in love with me and that she wanted to be with me and we fell in love and started dating."

Jamie smiled but as he looked at me he frowned.

"Why were you hurting each other?"

It took me a moment to find the answers he sought.

"Sometimes you hurt the people you love." I didn't know what else to say because I still didn't have the answers to that question.

"What happened to these letters?" He rummaged through the pile and my heart hardened.

"She left and didn't say goodbye and I got upset." I closed the small box and put it to the side.

We didn't speak for awhile and I didn't want to look at _her_ stuff anymore. He helped me with some other boxes. As we left the room, I reached for my phone to call Peyton, and Jamie stopped me.

"I am sorry Uncle Lucas." His voice was small and quiet.

"For what J-Luc?" I turned to face him.

"That Aunt Brooke left you. I can tell you really loved her."

I frowned at the little boy and ruffled his hair and he smiled.

We had spent a lot of time together sorting through the boxes that Haley was back before I knew it. I told her that he was great as always and I didn't mention the box of Brooke's things. They left and I called Peyton and asked her if she wanted to sort through her stuff here or put it in her office at Tric. She asked me if I could bring her the boxes of her records. I agreed as it would definitely give me more room in my office. I drove to Tric and it was getting pretty late. I was hoping that Peyton would come home soon. We hadn't spent much time together lately as we were both busy and I just really wanted her to be with me tonight.

She greeted me with a small kiss as she helped me grab some boxes and head inside to her office. We made the second trip in silence and once we got all the boxes in she finally spoke again.

"Wow, I am surprised you were able to get all of these in that small car." She turned around and smiled.

I smiled back at her.

"What made you clean the office out?" She asked with her arms crossed.

"It was messy." I walked towards her and pulled her into a deep kiss, she didn't resist.

"What was that for?" She asked when she pulled back.

"I've missed you the past few days. I know we live in the same house and share the same bed, but we've both been busy, and I just missed you." I rested my forehead against hers.

It began to rain outside and I frowned.

"I miss you too. I am getting a lot of people who want to sign with my record label and it's getting to be pretty huge." She said as she kissed me again.

"Come on, let's go home and have a special night together." I brought my mouth to her neck and she moaned.

"I'll be home soon, I promise, but there are some things that I have to finish here before I can come home."

I pulled back from her frustrated as I realized that I really wanted her to take my mind off that box.

"Okay." I walked away from her and she reached for my hand.

"Lucas I promise I'll be home soon and we can be together. I love you."

Without looking at her, I said, "I love you too. Be careful. It looks like a bad storm."

The rain was pouring hard as I ran to my car. I got inside and rested my head against the steering wheel. I really just wanted Peyton to come home with me so I could make love to her and take my mind off of Brooke. That sounded horrible, but Peyton would be the only person who could take my mind off the past, off of everything. I finally placed my key in the ignition and started driving back to the house. I decided to take the long way home, keep my mind busy and away from the house that would carry the ghost of Brooke.

As I neared the River Court, I noticed a familiar car parked nearby.

_Now and then I think of when we were together  
>Like when you said you felt so happy you could die<br>Told myself that you were right for me_

_But felt so lonely in your company_

"What the hell?" I pulled up beside it and noticed somebody sitting in the middle of the court.

"What the hell is she doing?" I got out of the car and ran towards her.

"Haley, what the hell are you doing?"

Then I realized that this was not Haley. The frame of the person was smaller than Haley and her hair was longer. She tensed and she slowly stood up from the position she was sitting in and turned to face me.

My chest tightened and I couldn't find my breath.

Her face, that beautiful face was clouded with darkness and the scar, the scar radiated from her face. I couldn't move and I felt like I was beginning to suffocate. We stared at each other and there were no words, I didn't know what to do. I guess I should've said something... anything... I mean, for a guy who has made a career of writing, it suddenly seemed like no words had ever been written. Words didn't exist.

The look in her eyes I have never seen before. This girl before me was a stranger, someone I didn't know. She was a ghost of somebody that I used to know.

"Luke?"

I barely heard her. I could tell she was freezing in the rain and I wanted to reach out to her, but she took a step back and I found myself step back as well.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded.

She shook her head. She didn't say anything. I could tell she wasn't surprised to see, but she knew I was completely surprised to see her.

"I've been here for about two weeks, Luke. I, I was trying to find the right time to see you, to tell you I've been back."

And there it was. The secret that I felt everyone had been hiding from me. I suddenly became enraged.

"You've been here for two weeks! Damn it, Brooke!" I screamed at her and she jumped back at the harsh tone in my voice.

_But that was love and it's an ache I still remember  
>You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness<br>Like resignation to the end, always the end  
>So when we found that we could not make sense<em>

As I looked at her, I knew something was wrong; it didn't take a genius to know something was going on with this woman before me, but right now, I didn't care about that. All I knew was that the mix of emotions, the feelings I wasn't sure had a definition were boiling within me.

"You know I was actually worried about you! When I saw you in New York that night, it scared me because I realized that I don't know who the hell you are anymore." My thoughts became jumbled within my mind as I randomly started speaking them.

"I don't know what to say Luke. Now that I am face to face with you I don't know what to say."

"You've been staying with Nathan and Haley this entire time?" The secrets and the lies were starting to make sense. The sudden mentions of let's not stay at the house, let's go out. It was all making sense.

"Don't be mad at them, Luke, I told them not to tell you and Peyton—"

"Peyton knew you were here?" Was steam coming out of my ears yet? I was seeing red.

That explained the sudden tension she's had over the week.

"Lucas I told her not to say anything, hell she wasn't too happy to see me either and I kind of don't blame her." She shook her head and she began to shake in the rain.

She was barely wearing any clothing. Her brown shirt showed just how thin she had become.

_But you didn't have to cut me off  
>Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing<em>

Her legs began to shake in the soaked denim. I felt compelled to give her my jacket even though I was soaked as well, but I didn't move.

"I can't believe you are here _now_ after all these years Brooke. You know I just wish I didn't see you, I just wish I never followed you into that market that night, because now you are overtaking my thoughts and all I keep asking myself is if you are okay, because clearly something is wrong but then I find myself ending with this question…does she even care about me?" I started to shake as well as the rain seemed to get colder. I could barely see as it rained so hard, but I didn't take my eyes off of her. I couldn't tell if she was crying or not as the rain clouded her face.

"God, Lucas, of course I did, I do but you just had no idea how I felt and it seems you still don't get it!" She threw her arms up and she was now getting upset.

"Bull shit, Brooke, _you_ are the one who left! You didn't even say goodbye, you fucking left and that is _my _fault?"

This woman has never pissed me off this much and it was making me even madder to see her get upset.

"You just don't get it and after all these years you still don't get it! You know Lucas you said to me once _I should know you well enough, _well guess what hot shot, you obviously NEVER knew me at all."

Just like déjà vu, Brooke stormed away from me in a rainstorm and I chased after her.

_And I don't even need your love  
>But you treat me like a stranger and it feels so rough<em>

_Now you're just somebody that I used to know  
><em>

"What the hell are you talking about?" I screamed after her.

She stopped and her shaking became uncontrollable.

"You knew I was upset that day Lucas! That last day I was with you! You tell me that you kiss Peyton _again_ and you just don't get it! You never knew me because Lucas if you did, you would have known that I was heartbroken, that I was devastated!"

The memory of that day flashed through my mind in sporadic images.

"Brooke, I told you that I loved you and that my heart was with you and before we ever get a chance to talk about it again, you're gone! For the record I didn't go running into Peyton's arms just because you weren't there anymore!" I spat back at her.

She began to shake her head and I wasn't sure if it was because of what I said or because she was freezing. I cursed myself, violently took off my jacket, and put it around her. She ferociously pushed me back. I held my hands up as I kept a safe distance between us.

"You _still_ don't get it! Neither one of you do. Lucas it was _always_ you! My love for you consumed every moment of my existence. Together or not, Lucas you were eventually going to end up in Peyton's arms and newsflash you are with her now! I couldn't stay around to watch it happen. It would have destroyed me, Luke."

_Now you're just somebody that I used to know  
>Now you're just somebody that I used to know<br>_

For a moment we stood there still staring at each other in silence. I didn't know what to say. It did seem that I may not have known her at all because I knew that she would never just pack up her life and leave me without saying anything.

"You obviously didn't know me that well either Brooke. So it seems we are both guilty of that. I wouldn't have left you; I would have fought for you just like you wanted me too!"

She shook her head again and her whole body sank into the jacket. I tried my best to not take my eyes away from her because I felt she was going to disappear.

"It doesn't matter, Luke." She said softly. I had to step closer to her to hear her.

"You would have eventually ended up with Peyton and my heart would not be able to take it." She walked away from me and towards the bleachers.

What could I say to that?

"Brooke." I said as I walked to her.

"You left. You _assumed_ I would have gone to Peyton and you know what I don't know what would have happened, but you left remember that." I pointed at her and I started to walk away from her.

_Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over  
>But had me believing it was always something that I'd done<br>But I don't wanna live that way  
>Reading into every word you say<em>

"I did what I needed to, to make sure my heart wouldn't get broken again, Lucas."

I stopped and turned back around to face her.

"Yeah? And how did that work out for you? Because I know that my heart, well, I am not sure it ever recovered." I walked away from her but stopped and turned back around.

"Not that I have to explain myself to you, but I fell in love with Peyton on my own terms, not because you left, not because Peyton and I shared a small past either."

"I'm sorry."

I wasn't sure if she said or that's just what I wanted to hear.

"Lucas."

I stopped but I didn't turn around to face her.

"Me too." With my back still to her, I walked away, and got into my car.

I sped away and the rain poured down harder and I couldn't see. Less than a mile away, I pulled over to the side of the road. I got out of my car and started kicking my tire and I hit my hand on top of the car. I sank down against my car. The rain was fierce and I found myself walking back to the River Court.

Brooke was still sitting on the bleachers with her eyes closed. Her entire body became enveloped and disappeared in the jacket.

"What the hell are you doing out here?" I asked her and she shook out of her meditation.

She shook her head.

"Brooke, you are going to get sick, let me take you back to Nate and Haley's place." I reached out to her and she jerked back.

"Brooke, what the hell is your problem?"

"I need to stay out here." She began to rock back and forth and I didn't understand.

"Brooke, you are going to get sick. Do you not remember last time we were out in this kind of weather?"

This time I knew she was crying. I went to her and took her by the shoulders.

"I have to stay out here, it's what I deserve."

None of what she was saying was making any sense. She started to fight me.

"Brooke!" I screamed at her and she just began to shake. I picked her up against her will and she began to fight me and her sobs became audible over the pouring rain.

I carried her over to the car and placed her inside. I rushed over to the driver's side and got in. The keys were left in the ignition and I shook my head. I cranked the car and slowly started driving to Nate and Haley's place. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I ignored it. I glanced over at Brooke quickly and she had fallen asleep.

"What happened to you, Brooke?" I wondered out loud. She is someone that I don't know anymore and I wasn't sure if I wanted to know her now. I have been doing okay for the past five years, and maybe I can be okay if I keep it that way. Being able to talk to her again, being around her gave me some kind of closure.

I finally made it to the house. I got out of the car and knocked on the door. Nathan opened the door and he had a confused look on his face.

"Luke, what are you doing here?"

I really didn't want to talk to him.

"Brooke is asleep in the car." I motioned.

He looked over my shoulder and the confusion spread throughout his body.

"What? How?"

"It doesn't matter. I found her sitting in the rain at the River Court." I pushed passed him and walked into the house.

I walked upstairs and went to the nearest restroom to find Brooke's stuff everywhere. She was definitely living here and how I couldn't put it all together makes me feel even like a bigger idiot about the situation. I searched for a towel. I started drying myself off and I was now realizing that I was freezing myself.

"Luke." I heard Nathan call out to me.

I walked out of the bathroom and saw Nathan in the hallway with Brooke in his arms.

"She's soaking wet, help me."

I stared at him for a moment with Brooke in his arms. She still managed to be asleep. I hesitated because I wasn't sure I could do this. This happened so fast, her being here, our lashing out at each other. It was too much.

I walked over to the door he was standing in front of and I opened the door. Her bed was perfectly made and random articles of clothing were around the room. On the nightstand I noticed a photo album and next to it was a picture of her and who I assumed to be was Julian, her fiancée.

Nathan took off my jacket and he handed it to me.

"It looks like you got everything taken care of." I walked out of the room and started making my way towards the exit.

"Whoa, Luke. Wait up." Nate quietly made his way down the stairs.

"What happened?"

"Can I take Haley's car back to my place? I'll drop it off in the morning." I really didn't want to talk to him right now.

Too much has happened today and I really just wanted to be in my bed and be with Peyton.

"Lucas, what—"

"Nathan I really don't want to talk about it. Can I just take Haley's car back to my place and return it in the morning?" I didn't look at him.

"Yeah." He said quietly.

I walked out of the house and looked up at the light that was still on in Brooke's bedroom. The rain let up just a little as I drove back to my place and Peyton was home. Once inside, I followed where the light was on in my office.

"Shit." I huffed to myself.

I saw Peyton sitting on the floor looking at the stuff that was in the box with the black B on top.

"Luke?"

"Peyton, I really just want to go to bed, can we please go to bed together?"

She dropped the stuff in the box. I took her hand and led us into the bedroom.

"Why are you soaking wet?" She asked me.

I shed myself of the wet clothes, pulled out some clean, dry ones and crawled into bed with her.

"Peyton, I just want to go to sleep with you in my arms, okay?" I said quietly.

She nodded and cut off the light. I closed my eyes and I snuggled up close to her. I was sure that being with her, having her in my arms would make me feel better, would help me fall asleep.

All I did was toss and turn all night with the brunette's face on my mind and wondering what was going on that I didn't know about.

_You said that you could let it go  
>And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know<em>

_I guess that I don't need that though  
>Now you're just somebody that I used to know<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Song: "Somebody That I Used To Know"-Gotye <strong>

**Thoughts?**

**Up next: More flashbacks, dinner party, and visitors. So much to come so stay tuned! **


	7. The Morning After

**A/N: IMPORTANT! Okay, I just want to get this across for everyone...Lucas and Brooke will always care about each other no matter what, it's what I believe to be true in my soul...sooooo...I think that no matter what Brooke has put Lucas through and all the distasteful things Lucas may have said about Brooke, Lucas will always care for her and in this chapter their moments of awkwardness I feel is real and would happen between them...I hope I have done it justice...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7: The Morning After<br>**

**"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it's yours."**  
><strong>- Ayn Rand, "Atlas Shrugged"<strong>

I stirred throughout the rest of the night. I never really fell asleep as Brooke's face, body, and soul flooded my mind. When I noticed Peyton waking up I closed my eyes. She leaned over and kissed my cheek. I pretended I was sleepy and began to open my eyes slowly.

"Hey you." She said with a sleepy smile.

"Morning." I wrapped my arm around her just hoping that her warmth and smile would take my mind off of Brooke.

I flipped on top of her and she grinned.

"Are we making up for what you promised me last night?" Peyton kinked her eyebrow and it was nothing compared to Brooke's kinked eyebrow.

I didn't say anything. I just kissed her. My tongue found its way into her mouth and her tongue was desperately reaching for mine. Just like all the times I would rescue Peyton, her tongue was desperate for my rescue as well. This wasn't helping me get in the mood. My mind was still on Brooke and everything that has happened in the past two weeks. I pulled back from her and she became frustrated.

"Why are you stopping?" Her hand snaked down to my boxers as she began to caress my dick and she was getting the job done as my bulge became hard. Her hand rubbing my dick through the thin fabric made me groan. With my eyes still closed, I leaned over and pulled her back into a kiss and I was on top of her again. I opened my eyes briefly and I saw Brooke.

"Damn it." I rolled off of her and got out of the bed.

"Lucas what the hell is wrong?"

I let out a curse and walked away from her. I went into the bathroom and stared at my reflection in the mirror. Brooke's face still haunted me even through my reflection.

There was a pounding on the door and I shook my head.

"Lucas, what is wrong? Are you okay?" Peyton said through the door.

I opened the door and stared at her.

"You knew Brooke was here and didn't tell me!" I didn't ask it as a question; I forced it as an exclamation.

I walked past her into the kitchen.

"She asked me not to tell you. Why are you so upset about this?" Peyton's shoulders began to shake and she crossed her arms.

"It's you and me, Peyton. You kept something from me. Omission or lie, it doesn't matter. You held something back from me. You should have told me she was here. We don't keep anything from each other, that was our deal when we got back together!" I demanded of her.

She shook her head as tears started to build in her eyes.

"Yeah Luke and what difference would it have made? It's obvious that if I was to tell you or for her to just show up at your doorstep, you would still be angry and filled with such hate right now."

I let my brow soften as I watched her frame seem to get smaller.

"You should have just told me, Peyt." I said quietly and she shook her head again.

"You know, Luke. She was my best friend, the sister I was never given. I lost her too and she asked one small thing of me. Don't think for a second you wouldn't have done the exact same thing." She pointed her finger at me and went to the bathroom and slammed the door.

I jumped back a bit at the force she applied to the door. I grabbed a glass of water, sat down at the table, and reached for the phone hanging on the wall. I hesitated but dialed the number I knew so well.

It rang three times before a sleepy voice answered the phone.

"_Hello?"_

"So how long were you going to keep it from me?"

There was a long sigh at the end of the line and the voice became more alive.

"_Luke, there are some things you don't understand and yes, I was torn at what to do. I love you both the same and I just need you to understand I was doing what was best for her and you." _

I shook my head. I was tired of people telling me that they were doing what was best for her and me. It was eating away at me to know what Brooke's deal was and this entire time everyone including my girlfriend knew what was going on.

"Haley, you could have let me know _something._ You knew that it bothered me that I saw Brooke in New York that night and that I knew something was wrong but you kept telling me that she was okay."

"_Lucas, she is okay, she's just—you __**need**__to talk to her." _

Yeah I do need to talk to her, rationally without the yelling and the mention of the past. Like I have been telling myself this entire time, we are two different people. We're not those kids in high school anymore.

"I'll be bringing your car over in a little while." I cut the phone off and rested my head in my hands.

Peyton emerged from the bathroom and went to the bedroom. I followed in behind her and she began to get dressed with her wet hair falling along her shoulders.

"I'm sorry." I said to her.

She had her back to me as she clothed her naked body. I almost reached out to her to prohibit her from putting clothes on and throw her on the bed, but I shunned that thought from my head.

"Luke, you know I knew this would be hard on you. You loved Brooke, I know that, the world knew that, and I know you lost someone important to you, but I did too and her friendship did mean something to me so when she asked me not to say anything to you, I did because like I told her, she hasn't been here the past five years, what does being here now matter?" She slipped the cotton dress over her shoulders and twisted her wet hair into a bun and tied a white handkerchief around the wound hair. She looked pretty in her natural glow.

"I know. I'm sorry." I walked towards her and wrapped my arms around her.

"We haven't been in a fight since we got back together and I really don't want to fight with you now." She said into my shoulder.

I nodded. Peyton and I have been through a lot over the past few years.

"I am going to work early, clear my head. Do what you need to do, Luke. I love you." She reached up and kissed my cheek and walked out the bedroom patio door.

I knew it was early but I needed to see Brooke. I would not be surprised if she did get pneumonia or worse. I went to take a shower and as I turned the water to scolding hot, I climbed in and I found myself needing to let out a release. I reached down and started to stroke my shaft as it hardened. I really wanted to make love to Peyton this morning, but I became distracted and now was a good time to release myself. I started stroking more vigorously and the minute I closed my eyes, the image of Peyton started disappearing. I became confused but I was still able to feel my release coming and with a few more strokes and speed, an image came to me fast and as I came, my eyes shot open to see a vision of Brooke back in high school.

I took in a deep breath and leaned against the wall.

"Shit." I said trying to get my breath to steady paces.

I started getting dressed. I pulled out a white button down shirt, dark jeans, and my brown boots. I looked into the mirror one last time. I needed to shave. Having facial hair added a few years on me. I was barely twenty-three and I was pushing thirty. My hair was getting shaggier as well and I didn't even realize. I shook my head, grabbed Haley's keys, my jacket, locked the house, and started the drive to my brother's house where Brooke would be.

It was strange. Now that I knew she had been here all this time, it made me realize that maybe I knew this entire time and didn't want to believe it. I had been here this past two weeks and felt a presence. Something I couldn't explain and maybe it was Brooke this whole time. Before I realized it, I was at their house and I looked up at the window where I last saw Brooke not even ten hours ago.

I got out of the car and was greeted by Haley at the front door.

"I should have mentioned yesterday that you need a good shaving and a haircut. Jeez, you hair grew so much." She walked away from me and went to the bassinette in the kitchen where Lydia was sleeping.

"Maybe you could help me out." I said as I followed her.

I sat next to the sleeping Lydia as Haley poured two cups of coffee.

"Sure thing…you are beginning to not look like yourself." She handed me the cup of coffee.

"Thanks." I said as I looked over at Haley and she seemed tense.

"How are you?" She asked.

I took in a deep breath and just looked at her.

"Well I managed to get into two fights in the past twelve hours with two certain women. How do you think I'm feeling?" I said to her as calmly as I could.

"Sounds familiar. Nathan told me that you brought Brooke home last night. What the hell was she doing out in that storm?" She asked the last question mainly to herself.

"Haley what's going on with her?"

She gave me a look that only Haley could possess.

"Are you asking because you are concerned or because you want to clear your conscious?"

It was like a stab in the heart. I looked up at her and couldn't believe her choice of words.

"Don't look at me like that Lucas Scott. You have spent the past few years not caring about her and sometimes may I add slandering her name. Now I have never thought what she did was right, but she did what she thought was best for herself. I can't argue with that, but if you want to know what's wrong, I want to make damn sure you want to know the reasons because deep down in that tortured soul of yours you still care about her."

"Of course I do, Hales!" I raised my voice nearly waking the baby. I reached over and rubbed the baby's belly and looked back to Haley. I finally admitted out loud that I still care about Brooke, of course I would, I always would.

We looked at each other for a moment and she placed her cup on the counter.

"I haven't checked in on her yet. You're free to go." She said quietly and walked over to the bassinette and smiled at the sleeping baby.

I started for the stairs but turned back around. I grabbed a cup, poured the coffee with two creamers.

Haley shook her head.

"Old habits never die." She said as she rolled her eyes and I rolled mine right back at her.

I climbed the stairs carefully not to spill the coffee. I stopped at the door to Brooke's bedroom. _Take a deep breath and relax_ I tried to tell myself.

I knocked twice and I got nothing. I knocked one more time before opening the door. I tried my best with the two coffee cups to open the door and when I did for a moment I wasn't sure if Brooke was in the room. I walked over to the bed and placed the cups on the nightstand. I pulled the covers back and Brooke wasn't there. I became concerned but when I turned around, the scene before me nearly broke my heart.

Brooke was curled into a ball in footed pajamas in the closet. I slowly walked towards her. She was sleeping but I could tell this was not a peaceful sleep. Her face was clouded with sadness and pain.

"Brooke?" I whispered.

She didn't move. How did she get over here from the bed? I hesitated on what I should do but without any further thought, I gently scooped her up in my arms once again and carried her over to the bed. Her body began to shake, she stirred and then violently started reaching out towards me, but I could tell she wasn't reaching for me.

"Brooke!" I said trying to wake her from her dream.

Her eyes immediately opened.

"Where is he?" She called out as she began to take in her surroundings; she placed her hand over her face and began to cry.

I didn't know what to do. She broke down in that moment as tears wracked her body and her sobs echoed through the room. Before I realized what I was doing, I had climbed into the bed with her and brought her into my arms. I leaned against the headboard and just held her. She cried uncontrollably and I couldn't help but bring my eyes to the couple in the picture next to the bed. I could tell she was crazy in love with the man who had his arms securely wrapped around her. I looked back down at Brooke as her sobs became tame but her body did not stop shaking. She looked up at me and slowly pulled herself away from me.

I got up from the bed and went to the armchair parallel to the bed and scooted it closer to the bed.

"I brought you coffee." I handed it to her and she took it from me.

"What are you doing here, Lucas?" Her voice was deep and dark and her body was still shaking.

When she turned her face towards me, the scar was staring back at me and I tore my eyes away from her.

"You don't look too good. I am sure you are sick from sitting in the middle of the rain at the River Court. Why were you out there last night?" I asked timidly trying to hold back any frustrations and anger I had towards this woman before me.

"It doesn't matter." She mumbled.

I let out a huff as I started to get up and leave.

"You know no matter what happened between us in the past and last night, damn it Brooke, I still care." I decided to just leave; she wasn't going to talk to me and I wasn't going to fight her right now.

"I am a disgusting human being." I heard her say.

I released my hand from the door knob and turned back to her. I almost wanted to agree with her, but I felt she was referring to something that didn't involve me.

"Why?" I asked her as I turned around to face her.

"I killed my fiancé." She said and her face broke into disgust.

I walked back to her and sat in the armchair leaning towards her.

"What are you talking about?"

She was silent for a moment; I reached out to her and placed my hand on her arm.

"Brooke." I said concerned.

"Julian. He's dead because of me. We got into a fight, I run out into a storm. Which is something I tend to do." She laughed bitterly and took a moment to find her composure.

"He follows after me and he gets hit by a car. I never got a chance to say goodbye and it's what I deserve because I am a horrible person!"

I couldn't tell if she was telling last part to me or telling herself. The pit of my stomach tightened and I found myself back on the bed and pulling her into my arms again. It was something that Brooke and I always seemed to have between each other. Even if we were ever mad at each other or hated each other for what happened the first time between Brooke, Peyton, and me, we were always able to be there for each other…as friends. She didn't fight me, she let me hold her and I could only imagine what else she is going through. I wasn't even sure what this meant to me. I wanted to know what was wrong with her and I got my answer, but now what do I do with it?

I didn't plan on being friends with her or attempting to rebuild the bridge that was burned between us. But now…the circumstances are just not what I thought they would be. Brooke was obviously in love with this man. A man that I had never known and this man loved this woman in his arms that he wasn't sure he knew at all.

"That was not your fault. Things happen that is beyond our control. You never could have known that something like that would have happened." I said into her hair.

She still smelled like the sweet scent of vanilla and jasmine even after sitting in a rain storm.

"But it is. I am being punished for leaving all those years ago. I should have given a proper goodbye. I should have done things differently, Luke, I am sorry, I shouldn't, I should have—"

"Stop it!" I said it harshly but not on purpose.

I really didn't want to talk about the past, not right now. Last night was enough to kick my HCM on and give me a heart attack.

She quickly pulled herself out of my arms and slivered off the bed. She wrapped her arms around her body and even with the thick layer of clothing on her, she was shivering.

"Please, get back into bed. I'll go get you some soup and some cold medicine." I quickly got off the bed so she wouldn't be uncomfortable anymore.

She slowly walked back over to the bed and got under the sheets. I nodded towards her and headed for the door. Once I opened it, I stopped and said under my breath.

"Just what the hell were you thinking being out in that storm?" I said it and hurried out of the room before she could say anything.

I descended from stairs and Haley was sitting on the couch with Lydia in her arms watching the news.

"I didn't hear any yelling. How did it go?" She said without looking at me.

I walked over and sat on the couch next to her. I didn't know what to say.

"Hales, what do I do?"

We sat in silence for a moment and she was confused.

"What do you mean? Did she tell you what happened?"

Another moment of silence between us. I looked over at her and my eyes gave me away.

"Luke, what do you want to do?" She rested her hand on my leg and I shook my head.

I didn't need any of this. I was happy, in love, getting to a point in my life where everything was going the way it should. Them BAM of course Brooke Davis emerges back into my life and everything I know is thrown to the wind and I am left whirling around in the sky not knowing what will happen next.

"Brooke is my storm Hales, she always has been. I just don't think I will ever be able to get out of the storm."

"Luke, look at yourself. Look at how this is making you feel. How you ever would say bad things about Brooke, I will never understand. This is killing you." Her hand on my leg moved to my back as she began to rub circles on my back.

I looked over at her.

"No one has to guess who you upset about as it's written all over you. You care so much about her that I don't think that will ever go away."

"Haley, that may be true, but that doesn't mean I want her back in my life, or anything. It breaks my heart to know that she is going through the exact same thing my mother went through. To lose the love of your life without any warning, without a chance to say goodbye."

Haley looked at me confused for a moment and I raised my eyebrow.

"What?" I asked her frustrated.

"Love of her life? Honey, you were the love of her life."

I was going to speak when Lydia started to cry. Haley was still looking at me like I was an idiot and she shook her head, held Lydia close to her, and walked away.

"Lydia is hungry; I am going to feed her."

I let out a frustrated sigh and walked into the kitchen. I was able to find some chicken noodle soup for Brooke. I heated the soup on the stove and tried to find any type of cold medicine for Brooke to take to help suppress the cold she may get. As I waited for the soup to be perfect, I thought about what Haley said.

_You were the love of her life_

If that were true then why the hell did she leave? Why the hell would she not leave me any kind of explanation? She just fucking left! I slammed the bottle of cold medicine on the countertop and ran my hand through my hair. I cut the heat off on the stovetop, poured the soup into a bowl, grabbed a glass of water, and placed the contents on the breakfast tray, and started back up the stairs.

Once I got in front of Brooke's door, I saw Haley out of the corner of my eye and I saw her grin. I rolled my eyes and walked back inside. Brooke had changed clothes and was laying back in the bed staring out the window.

"Brooke?"

"Luke, you really shouldn't have done that." She said with a cracked voice.

"I know." I moved the photo album from the nightstand and I was afraid to touch the picture frame of her and Julian.

She did me the favor and moved it herself. She placed it under the pillow next to her and she inhaled the scent of the soup.

"Thank you." She said. She stared at the soup and took the medicine and downed the entire glass of water.

She stirred the spoon around the bowl of soup.

"Brooke, you need to eat." She needed to eat a whole cow. She was getting to the point of just skin and bones. I had never seen her like this before.

"I am just really not that hungry."

"Bull shit." I said.

For as long as I've known her, she has always been hungry. She would eat more than Nate and I both combined sometimes.

"I am just…okay." She took a sip of the soup and with just that one spoonful some color came back into her cheeks.

"Not so bad. Huh?" I said to her.

She nodded and stopped for a moment. I didn't know what to say or do next.

"I'll leave you alone. Brooke, for goodness sake, please stay out of the rain." I got up to leave again and she stopped me.

"The rain makes me remember all the horrible things I've done in my life. The rain is my penance and I hope to seek redemption." She said softly.

"Brooke, you are not a horrible person." I had to leave before anything else was said.

As I reached the living area, Nathan and Jamie came into the house with two strangers behind them and suitcases.

"Hi!" Haley startled me as she came around the corner of the kitchen carrying Lydia.

She walked towards the two unknown people and extended her hand to the tall blonde and the quirky brunette.

"It's so great to meet you, I'm Millicent, you can call me Millie." She said.

"I'm Clay. It's so great to put faces to names." He said as he adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder. When his eyes met mine they hardened.

The brunette kept staring at me and I became extremely uncomfortable. The brunette walked towards me and extended her hand.

"You must be Lucas."

I was still confused and took her hand in mine. Her eyes were huge and mesmerizing.

"Yes…and you are…" I said still not sure how these people knew me or who they were.

"I'm Millie. This is Clay. We're friends of Brooke's."

"Luke?" Nathan finally acknowledged my presence as he and Jamie walked further into the house.

"Jamie, buddy, let me help you." I grabbed one of the pink suitcases from him.

"What are you doing here, I figured after last night…" Nathan stopped talking as Haley swatted him in the chest.

"Luke, they are going to stay here for a little while to help Brooke out. She could use all of us right now."

Clay kept his eyes on me as he walked past me. The guy seemed extremely rude but I just chose to ignore him.

"Where's Brooke?" He asked kindly towards Haley.

"Uh if you go up the stairs, she's the second door on the right."

Clay took the steps two at a time.

"Don't mind him."

I turned around to face the brunette as she pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

"He's very protective of Brooke especially after what has happened." She took in a deep breath to regain her composure. It was obvious that Millicent, Clay, Brooke, and Julian were close.

"It was lovely to meet you Haley, and you Lucas. I was wondering when I'd get the chance to meet you." She smiled at all of us and slowly walked up the stairs.

I turned back to my family and just looked at them.

"Well that was fire and ice between those two acknowledging me."

"I have actually asked Clay to help us with our freelancing, Clay is in the same line of work. He's the one who recruited Quentin Fields."

I raised my eyebrows and I became impressed. Quentin Fields was probably the Michael Jordan of his generation.

"Nice." It was all I could say. I still didn't like the looks and the way he spoke to me.

It seemed that Brooke and I were going to have to talk later about what exactly she has said about me to them.

"Well, I guess I am going to head out. I think I've had enough for one day." I started to leave but I was stopped by a raspy voice.

"Lucas." She said gently.

"Aunt Brooke!" Jamie ran towards the broken woman and she pulled him into her arms.

Seeing Brooke with Jamie made my heart ache. You could just look at her face and tell she was sad. I am sure she was looking forward to having children with Julian. It was something she always wanted.

"J-Luc, I am going to take your uncle to get his car down by the river court. How about you get to know my two best friends okay?"

"I though I was your best friend?" Jamie questioned her. I smiled at the sweet boy.

"You sir are my _bestest_ friend in the entire world." She poked his little nose and he ran over to Millicent.

She walked towards me.

"Hales, Nate, I'll see ya'll later. Jamie, stay out of trouble. It was nice meeting you both." I said towards Clay and Millicent.

Millicent gave me a wide smile and Clay just stared as Brooke placed her hand on my arm to lead me outside.

Once we were outside, I watched her. She closed her eyes, took in a deep breath, and let the sun bask upon her face.

"You don't have too, I can walk. I could use the fresh air."

"Then I'll walk with you." She wrapped the sweater tighter around her body. She was not wearing enough layers for this wind. Still being stubborn as she was, I took my jacket off and put it around her.

"Luke, no, take it." She went for the jacket and I stopped her.

My hands on hers was like touching a hot pan. I quickly pulled away from her.

"Keep the damn jacket on, Brooke." I scoffed at her.

We walked in silence for a little while longer.

"I'm sorry." I rushed out.

"What for?" She asked.

"I didn't say it earlier. I can only imagine losing someone you love."

We kept walking.

"You did Luke, Keith."

"And you." I said under my breath.

I saw her stiff up.

"Lucas, I think we should talk more about that…just not right now…I, God, I want us to try and be friends or something…Lucas, I can't do any of this without your help."

I looked over at her again and I didn't know what to say.

"What do you need my help with?" I asked her quietly.

"When I left Tree Hill, I lost myself. When I met Julian, I finally felt alive again, and everything has been ripped away from me. Luke, I don't know who I am or what I am supposed to do. I look through all my memories and I can't find that girl I used to be, I can't find the woman I wanted to be. I am just nothing, I am empty." She began to shake and I desperately wanted to reach out to her, but I kept my distance.

The river court started to come into view.

"I know that I have no right to say this, but Brooke, I need time, you swoop back into my life after five years and I can only imagine how you're feeling right now, but I am still trying to figure out what happened senior year between us."

She stopped walking and I looked back at her.

"I left you a note on your door, Luke." She walked past me and I didn't know what to say.

She left a note?

"You left a note? Is that supposed to make up for you leaving?" I said angrily.

"Well it lets me know you didn't read it, so no, I guess it doesn't." She said as she kept walking ahead of me.

"No I didn't because I never got it."

We walked in silence some more with both of us not knowing what to say. I never got it which means someone took it. There were only two people I could think of that would take it.

She was looking out towards the river and we finally reached my car.

"Let me drive you back." I said coldly.

She let out a bitter laugh.

"No thanks, I'll walk back. I could use the quiet time."

We awkwardly just waited for the other to say something and she spoke first.

"Okay, goodbye." She started walking away from me.

"Give me some time to think about this." I got into the car before she could say anything and I drove off.

Anger began to feel me as someone betrayed me all those years ago. Even though leaving a note and no matter what was said within the containment of it wouldn't excuse her leaving without a proper goodbye, but the thought that someone didn't want me to find it made my blood boil. So the first person to come in mind…Tric wasn't too far away.

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><p><strong>Thoughts? Up next: Lucas confronts Peyton about the letter...and you'll be surprised... Lucas gives Brooke an answer...Clay and Lucas meet and what may they talk about? Lots of flashbacks will occur over the next few chapters as well...I can only give you guys so much ;) Stay tuned!<strong>


	8. It Starts Tonight

**A/N: So this is an important note as it sheds some light on my feelings and emotions that I may end up spilling into my stories so I hope you read this note and if you do include the word: potatoes in your review. **

**I've been listening to a lot of different types of music lately and of course to get more evidence to support my stories and my characters I have to re-watch the show and I even watch a lot of fan made videos on youtube and of course I find myself getting more angry about how the relationship/friendship was handled on Brooke and Lucas...I won't go into much detail about it, but it still just really upsets me to this day and probably always will on how everything went down between those two...how so much pointed to the fact that they could have been amazing together, or just how amazing the friendship could have been...but anyways...I hold a lot of resentment towards the thoughts and writing that was created throughout the rest of the show for those two characters...so if something ever seems harsh or if I take it in a different direction hopefully this helps explain it? lol**

**Thanks EVERYONE for the awesome reviews although I feel like I've lost some readers :s I hope not, I just hope everyone else is busy and hopefully gets back to the story. **

**: I am anxiously waiting for more on your story...maybe something soon? :)**

**Here we go:**

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><p><strong>Chapter 8: It Starts Tonight<strong>

**"I need your grace to remind me to find my own." -"Chasing Cars" Snow Patrol**

I finally made it back to the house and once back I noticed that no one was inside, but that they were all outside on the patio. Jamie was in the hot tub as Nathan, Haley, Millicent, and Clay were all laughing and getting to know one another.

"This should be good for me." I said to myself before I took a deep breath and walked outside.

"Hey everything okay?" Clay asked me.

I nodded and bent down to kiss Haley on the cheek and I squeezed Nathan's shoulder. I sat in between Millicent and Clay.

"So how do you like Tree Hill so far?" I asked my two friends.

"It's quiet, although we didn't get to see much." Millicent said with a huge smile on her face.

I returned a smile as well and looked over at Clay. He was tense as he stared out towards the lake.

"So what's the deal?" Haley asked as everyone fell silent and leaned in to listen to my response.

"What do you mean?" I played stupid.

"Well you've talked to Lucas and Peyton now. What's going to happen?"

I became uncomfortable and at the mention of Lucas, I saw Clay tense up again and I rolled my eyes.

"I knew it wasn't going to be easy, so let's just leave it at that." I said as I turned my attention to Jamie. I smiled at the sweet boy.

"Are you sure that boy isn't Lucas's?" I asked as the Scott duo laughed at each other.

"Trust me I've asked myself that question several times, but I guess it just proves that Lucas really is my brother." Nathan said as he leaned over and kissed Haley sweetly on the cheek, she just rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Clay, walk with me." I asked him and we excused ourselves and went to the dock.

"So what's up your butt?" I asked him.

"How are you doing?" He cut me short and I just shook my head again and wrapped Lucas's jacket that I still had around me.

"I am trying my best to keep it together. That's why I came back Clay, you know that. This is my home and I truly believe that coming back here will help me find myself again and move on eventually."

His eyes were hard and he stared out at the lake as a family of ducks swam by.

"Clay, what's on your mind?"

His whole body turned towards me.

"Penny I just, I just don't want you to get hurt again, not after everything you've been through. You were the one person who helped me pick up the pieces after Sarah's death and…I…" He called me Penny when he was being serious. He placed his hands on my arms and held me gently.

"I want to be there for you no matter what, precious, but I just don't want you to get invested in this guy who I can tell just by the way you are around Lucas who has this power over you."

I reached up and caressed his cheek. My sweet Clay. It was by accident we met, but we instantly became best friends never once having romantic feelings towards one another. He was like my brother, the one who would protect me from the darkness no matter what.

"Let me handle Lucas and my drama. You just be that amazing guy that I love and help me through this all, now how are you doing?" I haven't really asked him that since Julian's death.

Clay was briefly there for me as not too long ago his wife passed away and then he lost his best friend as well. Clay disappeared for a couple of weeks. Millicent and I still don't know where he went but when he came back, he was _different_, and he did his best to help me through it all.

"I am fine. I am more worried about you." His hand gently fell against the scar and he gave me a broken smile.

You're beautiful Penny Davis." I flinched at the dreadful middle name.

I cut the ignition off and sat in the car for a moment. I closed my eyes to remember.

"_Did you miss me while you were away?" _

"_Every day. I was just, angry and upset about Keith, and I just needed to be alone, but that doesn't mean that I didn't miss you, Brooke because I did."_

"_I needed to hear your voice. There is just so much stuff going on with me and I…"_

When I opened my eyes again for the first time I realized that in that moment, after the last words she spoke to me before she left and that look…that look on her face.

In that flicker of emotion across her face, Brooke Davis realized that I didn't know her. I didn't know who she was. I should have known that she was going through stuff of her own. Was I so wrapped up in my problems, my emotions, hell even Peyton's problems then to not realize what was going on with her, my girlfriend? The girl I stood out in a rainstorm professing my love to? I threw my hand onto the steering wheel and ran my hands through my hair.

Those were her last words to me before she kissed me and walked out of my life. If she did leave me a letter then there was more for her to tell. Maybe it explained everything. Maybe it had all the answers that I kept asking myself back then.

I took the steps up Tric two at a time. I walked through the bar, waved at Chase who pointed towards the studio, not her office.

There she was talking to a musician and she laughed. She looked so innocent in that moment that I almost didn't even want to bring this up, but it was beginning to eat away at me. When she saw me, she patted the guy on the shoulder, held her finger up signaling she'll be a moment and she walked out to me.

"Hey." She said gently and kissed my cheek.

"What's with the face?" She immediately noticed that I was upset.

"I need to talk to you, now."

She nodded as she knew it was serious.

"Okay. Hold on a second." She walked over to her assistant, Mia. Mia nodded and waved towards me. I tried my best to smile and waved back.

Peyton pulled me into her office and closed the door behind us.

"Lucas, what's wrong? Did something happen with Brooke?"

Just the fact that Brooke's name escaped Peyton's lip made my blood boil even more, but I wasn't sure what happened back then, so I did my best to compose myself and ask as nicely as I could.

"I am going to ask you something Peyton, and I am not accusing you, but I plan on asking everyone this same question, I just figured I would start with you." I finally was able to control my anger and turned to face her.

She was slightly nervous, but confused at the same time.

"Did you know that Brooke left me a note the day she left? That she left me a note taped to my door five years ago."

I couldn't read her face. I didn't know what was going on through her head. I couldn't tell if her hesitation was good or bad, normally it's bad, but the look on her face, I couldn't read.

"I didn't take it." She said.

"What does that mean?" It was a very strange way to answer my question.

"It means Lucas that I didn't know about it and I didn't take it." She walked past me towards her desk and rummaged through her purse.

I paused for a moment and I didn't know what else to say.

"Okay. I'll see you later, I love you, be safe." I started to walk away and she stopped me.

"You didn't answer _my_ question." She said a little harshly.

I stopped and turned to face her.

"Nothing really. She's, she's lost the man she was in love with in a car accident and she's a broken woman. She asked for my help, I told her I had to think about it and that's what I am going to do. I am going to go and think about it, because with the past few days, I don't know where my head's at."

"Do you know where your heart's at, Lucas?" I heard her ask and I just kept walking.

I had to get out of there. My mind was whirling. All the other people I wanted to ask about the letter was at the same place where Brooke was and I wasn't sure if I was ready to go back there yet.

I leaned against my car as I wasn't sure where to go from here. I closed my eyes and drifted back into my memories again.

_It has been four months since Brooke left and I still haven't heard from her. She was just gone. One moment she was in my arms and the next she just vanished. Peyton was there every damn day, not leaving me alone. She was always checking in on me and I wasn't sure if I appreciated her for it or despised her for it. Hell, I even thought that at one point that this was all her fault for Brooke leaving in the first place. _

_I knocked on the door instead of letting myself in like I always do._

_She swung the door open fiercely and her face became confused._

"_Hey, why are you knocking?"_

"_I just felt like it." I said quietly._

_She stepped aside and let me in. I looked around and noticed that she was rearranging furniture and redecorating the walls._

"_You changing things up?" I asked._

"_Yeah, my dad is coming home." The smile on her face was always the one meant for her dad. _

"_Do you know why Brooke left?" _

_She immediately stiffened when I asked the question. She dropped her paintbrush. _

"_Luke, would it matter if I did or not?" She said it so quietly that I started to get angry._

"_So you do know."_

"_Yeah, but would it make a difference? She left Lucas and I don't know if she's coming back or not."_

"_But you know why she left though." I said it angrily and stormed out of the house._

My phone started going off and I saw Haley's name flashing on the screen.

"Hello." I said sternly.

"_Luke, you okay?" _

"What is it Haley?" I asked this time a little gentler.

"_We're going to have dinner tonight with everyone and Brooke and I thought it would be great if you and Peyton wanted to come over. I think, I think it would be a great thing for all of us." _

I hesitated for a moment and I wasn't sure if this was a good idea.

"You think it would be good for all of us?" I asked her.

"_Luke, I know you are hurting too and I think it's time you all heal together including Peyton."_

"I'll ask her if she wants to come."

"_Okay, six o'clock, we'll see ya then."_

She hung up before I could say maybe you'll see us then. I got in my car and started driving around town. As I did, my mind went to so many memories as there was a memory carved into every part of town that reminded me of a moment with Brooke.

_The night of the burning boat, I was thinking about all the sins and regrets I wanted to burn that night and I watched as the patch with 'Scott' burned away. _

_An arm slinked around mine and I turned to see the brunette beside me._

"_So are you my date tonight Luke?" She looked up at me with those fierce hazel eyes._

"_You know Brooke, you don't have to act like this." I searched her eyes for the Brooke Davis, I know she truly is._

"_I know that, but you're the first guy to ever say it." She looked out towards the burning boat and I kept my eyes on her. I was shocked to hear her say that._

"_You know you do your thing and try to resist. It's actually kind of cute." She grinned at me and walked away. _

I couldn't believe that Brooke put on that act. She was not that girl and the more I noticed who she was, the more I realized that she was putting on that front so she would never get hurt. When she finally let down those walls for me, I destroyed her. I broke her heart the first time.

I drove past the apartment complex that Brooke, Haley, and Nathan used to live at.

"_I should know you well enough to do something like that."_

"_Well don't feel bad, I guess I'm not exactly in the encyclopedia of Luketanica, I thought it was you."_

"_You know if you want to get to know each other better, we could always talk about those letters." I looked over at her hoping she would open up to me about them._

"_Or we could cut out my heart and you could stomp on it."_

_I gave her a face and chuckled a little._

"_Luke it's embarrassing, you were never meant to read those."_

"_Brooke, I love those letters. The girl in them is so open and honest." I meant it; this was the Brooke Davis I was in love with._

"_I don't know why it's so easy for me to get naked one way and not the other." _

"_I do. I hurt you pretty bad."_

_She gave me this crooked smile and she nodded._

"_I'm not going to do it again." I leaned over and kissed her. _

_It was probably one of the sweetest, sincerest kisses we ever shared. We both were vulnerable in that moment. _

_She took in a deep breath, reached above her head, and handed me the box of letters releasing the long breath she was holding in._

I hit the steering wheel of my car cursing myself. This was my fault. I knew from the moment I met her that she was a vulnerable girl. She had put walls up to block people from seeing her naked _that_ way and not the other. I destroyed that girl not once but twice.

I drove past the house with the red door where Brooke used to live.

"_How could you cheat on me with my best friend?"_

"_Brooke." I said it so softly that I wasn't sure I even said it aloud._

_She was so distraught, so broken._

"_I never meant to hurt you." _

"_That doesn't really matter Lucas. Cause in the end it all hurts just the same." _

I drove back to my house and parked outside my bedroom door, the black door.

"_You did this for me?" She was completely stunned._

_I had to be somewhat honest with her._

"_I wasn't ready to lose you yet."_

_The look on her face was enough to make me burst out I love you to the world._

"_SO…" The silence was killing me, "Are you gonna stay or what?" I smiled at her._

"_Ah, yes, of course!" She finally let out her happiness._

_She threw her arms around me. I breathed in her scent._

"_Oh, I wasn't ready to be lost." She whispered in my ear, her being so close to me, nearly killed me not to pull back and kiss her._

"_Thank you." She whispered softer._

_I smiled and held her close._

I took in a deep breath and realized that no matter what, I made promises to Brooke Davis that I never kept, that I never fulfilled.

I pulled out my phone and dialed Peyton's number.

"_Lucas?" She seemed surprised that I was calling._

"Hey, would you want to go over to the Naley household for dinner? They invited us and I think it would be good for us, Peyt, let's start healing. Some of Brooke's friends from New York are in town. Let's do this for ourselves."

She took in a deep breath over the phone and I could picture the look on her face. She was thinking really hard about, rubbing her neck in the process. I smiled to myself.

"_Yeah, I think it would be a good idea." _

"Okay, can you do six o'clock?" I asked her.

"_Yes, I'll have Mia just close up and settle things down for me." _

"Okay babe, see ya in a few."

Haley told me that Lucas and Peyton had agreed to come over tonight and I had to admit I was really nervous. I mean this is what I wanted. I wanted us to try to work on building our friendships and rebuilding me. I just hoped that Lucas and Peyton could help me in the process too. Even though the past was still unresolved, I really just wanted to focus on the present, the future.

A sharp pain hit me. I buckled over and grasped the edge of my dresser.

"Aunt Brooke, are you okay?" I turned around to see the handsome little boy dressed up for dinner.

"Yeah, I think I'm just really nervous about tonight."

He ran over to me.

"You look very pretty." He said as he took my hand in his.

"She does, doesn't she?"

I looked up to see Millicent in a black ruffled dress that only accented her innocence.

"Thanks Mills."

"_Jamie!"_

"Your momma is calling, you better scoot." I patted Jamie on the bum and he ran out of the room.

"You okay, Brooke?"

"Yeah, I just think I am really nervous about tonight. I actually invited a friend that I haven't seen in years too, you might like him." I winked at her and she furrowed her brow.

"Lucas isn't what I expected." She plopped down on my bed and reached for the photo of Julian and me.

"It's so strange to not have him here anymore." She said sadly.

I almost began to tear up as she mentioned him.

"How are you?" I asked her. I had to ask her because I was tired of everyone asking me and I wasn't the only one who was close to Julian.

"You know, it's hard for me to describe how I feel. When you called and told me it was like I didn't have any emotion."

I never heard Millicent speak about Julian's death this way. I walked over to her and sat down beside her.

"I know that sounds awful, but I was just so concerned about you and I didn't know how I should feel. I just know that you have been through so much and I just wanted to be there for you."

I pulled Millicent in my arms and held her.

"Millicent you are allowed to miss him as much as me. You two were close as well. I mean we were the four musketeers, I know he loved you as if you were his little sister, just the way I love you. You can miss him just as much as I can." I pulled her head up and made her look at me.

"You are not selfish in any way for having these feelings and I love you to death for taking care of me over the past month, but Millicent let me take care of you too." I said to her.

"Oh goodness. Both of you are crying now?" Clay walked in and he looked very handsome.

You would think we were going out to eat at a nice restaurant, but then again we three had been living in New York for the past couple of years, we were used to it. I really didn't want to cry right now, I wanted both of my families to come together and I wanted to try and forget about the past month just even if it's for one night.

The three of us walked downstairs and I smiled at the scene before me. Jamie was helping Nathan set up the table for the nine of us. Haley was in the kitchen where several pots and pans were all over the stove, in the oven, and on the counter top.

"Haley, please let me help you." Millicent said as she scooted into the kitchen.

"I am going to help get glasses out for wine that we bought earlier." Clay kissed the side of my face as the doorbell rang.

I took a deep breath.

"I'll get the door." I called out and everyone nodded.

I opened the door and I couldn't help but light up at the adorable face that greeted me.

"Brooke Davis, you have never looked more beautiful."

I flung my arms around him and he spun me around one time. I was back in the same place and when I opened my eyes behind him, Lucas and Peyton started walking up. They had two bottles of wine in their hands and I smiled awkwardly at them and they smiled back awkwardly as well.

"Mouth, I am so glad you came." I pulled back from him and he smiled.

"I brought some people along with me." He turned with his arm still around my waist to face the couple who was behind us.

"Yeah, I'm glad you both came."

They both still gave me a smile.

"Yeah, we are too." Peyton said as she squeezed Lucas's arm.

We walked in and Millicent and Haley started placing food on the table as Clay and Nathan were discussing basketball and Jamie was making funny faces at a laughing baby Lydia. The house was filled with happiness and family. I just really hope that this night would go without any trouble.

"Clay, Millicent, I'd like you to meet some people."

Clay and Millicent came around the corner.

"This is my dear friend Mouth, this is Peyton, Lucas's girlfriend and ya'll met Lucas earlier."

"These are my dear friends: Millicent and Clay from New York."

The four who hadn't met yet exchanged handshakes and Clay and Lucas gave each other both the macho man look. Peyton also noticed it and for a brief second we both exchanged a look but then we both looked away quickly.

"Dinner is ready." Haley called out.

Nathan sat at the head of the table with Haley to his right, then me, and Mouth. Lucas at the other end of the table, then Peyton across from Mouth, Millicent across me, then Clay, with Jamie squished on the end between Clay and Nathan.

We all fell silent for a moment.

"Well I think this is great. We're all here and we have new friends with us. Let's make the most of it. Let's dig in." Haley said as she held her husband's hand.

"Wait!" I said too quickly. Everyone's head snapped up at me and I suddenly became flushed.

"I just, everybody knows why I am back in Tree Hill and it just means a lot to me that you all would come here tonight. I am back home for good as I hope to rebuild myself. I got lost when…" I had to say it out loud, "when Julian died and it just means a lot to me to know that you all showed up here tonight and thank you for making my friends from New York so welcomed. Haley, Nathan, and Jamie I don't know what I would do without you. Lucas, Peyton, I…" I took a second to breathe.

"Thank you for coming. I hope that we all can become friends again, and Mouth, thank you for always being there even if I wasn't always there for you. So let's eat, I am tired of talking."

Everyone started carrying on small talk of their own. Lucas and Mouth were talking about Mouth's job as a sports announcer. Millicent got into a conversation with Peyton about her record label. Clay and Nathan started their conversation up again about basketball and Jamie would say something every once in awhile making the two grown men laugh.

"This is nice right?" Haley leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"Yeah."

It was nice, but it only made me long for Julian even more. He should be here with me enjoying this moment. I stared down at my plate of food. I felt a pair of eyes on me. I knew who they belonged to. I could always tell when those eyes were on me. I looked up quickly to see Lucas staring straight through me. He had barely touched his food just as I haven't touched mine either. The conversations started to change as everyone began to converse among each other. Lucas kept quiet as Peyton exchanged words with Clay and Nathan. Millicent and Mouth started talking and just like I guessed, I knew those two would immediately grow a fondness to one another.

"Yeah, Brooke's actually quite good."

I snapped out of my thoughts and quirked an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Clay was saying you're actually decent at basketball." Mouth nudged me and I rolled my eyes.

"Clay over exaggerates everything." I said as I pushed around my peas on my plate.

"No, I saw it with my own eyes. She made a 3-pointer the other day at the Rivercourt." Nathan jumped in.

"Yeah Aunt Brooke was pretty awesome."

"Damn seems like we need to get a game started." Mouth said.

"Yeah that would be interesting." It was the first time Lucas joined in the group conversation.

"Yeah, it would." Clay replied a little harshly.

There was a look exchanged between Clay and Lucas and the whole table registered it.

"Okay well it seems mostly everyone is done eating, how about we clean up." Haley said.

Everyone said something to agree and dishes started clinking together as we all started for the kitchen.

I noticed Peyton talking to Lucas out of the corner of my eye and he was pointing in Clay's direction. I pulled Clay to the side.

"Cut it out now. I know you are just trying to be protective, but it's not necessary. Now I want you to go and apologize for being rude ever since you got here." I said.

"Fine. I'll go and talk to him." Clay rolled his eyes and walked over to Lucas.

"I don't know what his problem is but it's—"

"I'm sorry but do you mind if I borrow your boyfriend for a moment." Clay flashed a smile at Peyton and she looked at me and then back at Clay.

"Uh yeah. Sure." Peyton leaned over and kissed me quickly and walked over to Brooke.

I saw Peyton place her hand on Brooke and the two began to talk. I was more curious to know what they were talking about than listen to what this guy had to say.

"Please, can we go outside for a moment and talk?" He asked for the time not sounding rude.

"Sure." I quickly replied.

We both grabbed our glasses of scotch which Nate so kindly poured for us.

Clay took in a deep breath and ran his hand through his short hair. I waited for him to say something.

"I am sorry." He rushed out.

"For what exactly?" I questioned him.

"For being rude. I don't know you. I only know what Brooke has told me and I am usually one not to judge but I am very protective of Brooke." He said.

I wanted to be angry, but then the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this guy before me who I knew less than twenty-four hours actually knew Brooke longer than I did.

"Apology accepted." I said not really caring what this guy had to say to me.

"Look, Brooke was there for me during a dark time in my life and I promised to always take care of her and make sure she never got hurt again. When Julian died, I felt like I wasn't able to keep that promise."

I suddenly became interested in what he had to say.

"I am someone who keeps their word and when she called me and told me what happened, I felt that I let her down."

"You couldn't have known something like that would have happened. You can't protect her from something like that." I said not really sure why I bothered helping him feel better.

"I just, I know enough about your past with her, and she seems to think that you can help her and I just want to say that if you can, this is just a word of advice. Don't hurt her. If you genuinely want to help her find her way back, that's awesome man, but if you're not in this for the long haul, don't waste your time." He gave me a weak smile and walked back inside.

I waited a moment and not even realizing it, but Clay helped me make my decision about Brooke. I walked back inside towards Peyton who was talking to Haley. I noticed that Brooke, Millicent, and Mouth weren't in sight, but I didn't worry about that at the moment.

Hey ladies." I said to Peyton and Haley.

"I am going to go for a walk towards the beach, clear my head for a bit."

"Are you okay?" They both asked me at the same time.

"Yeah." I laughed a little.

"I love you both and thank you for thinking about me." I held my hand over my heart and gave them both a smile. I kissed Haley on the cheek who rushed off to a crying Lydia and I kissed Peyton a little more passionately this time.

"Do you want some company?"

"No, actually I think I'm going to change into some of Nate's clothes and go for a run. Just want some fresh air. I'll be back in a little bit." I kissed the side of her face and she smiled.

I ran upstairs to Nate's, changed into some gym clothes and headed for the door.

I started to increase my speed the further I was away from the house. It amazed me at exactly the part of Tree Hill that Nathan and Haley lived. They lived less than a mile from the beach and about a mile from the rest of town. They had a lake in their backyard and the beach on the other side. Tree Hill had the perfect surroundings which only increased my want for my late night jogs.

I made it to the beach and took in the scent of the salty ocean air. I plopped down on the sand and breathed in the fresh air. The beach held such fond memories for me. I stared out into the ocean.

"Is this beach taken?"

I jumped a bit as I didn't even hear her approach me.

"There's plenty to go around." I said.

"Don't worry I'm not going to ask you if you're okay?" She said and I saw her smile in the moonlight.

I grinned as well at the memory.

"That was a great night no matter what situation led us there." I said.

We sat in silence for a moment and I heard giggles in the background.

"We went for a walk and it led us to the beach. I can't believe the amazing location of Nathan and Haley's house." She said still staring out at Mouth and Millicent who walked farther away from us down the beach.

"Yeah. That's Tree Hill for you though." I said and we sat in silence again.

I looked over at her and then I took in a deep breath.

"Do you remember that night on the beach?" I asked her.

"Yes."

"Do you remember what I told you?"

"Which part?" She asked quietly.

"You were never an idiot. Never." I paused for a moment as all the memories from earlier flashed before me again.

"I told you then that you know who you are. I think from the first moment I met you, I knew that you never held anything back. You were you even though you held this shield around your heart that I destroyed." I took in a deep breath and I finally faced her.

"I hate that you don't know who you are anymore, Brooke, and if you truly believe that I can help you find yourself again, help you start over. Then I'll do it." I turned away from her and looked out at the ocean again.

She didn't say anything for awhile.

"Thank you."

I barely heard her say it and I saw her shiver out the corner of my eye.

"Damn it, Brooke Davis. You know it's always going to be chilly at night and you never dress accordingly." I didn't have a jacket to offer her this time.

"Yeah well I don't think, I just do." She said.

That was something that wasn't different about Brooke Davis. We still sat together in silence and stared out into the ocean. I think that this was the night for us to start over. This was the night where we could start mending ourselves.

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><p><strong>Thoughts? A lot in one chapter I know, and I did that because I am not sure when the next one will be up like I said I have a lot of new resentment built up! Stay tuned! <strong>


	9. I Can't Take It

**A/N: _XHush-HushX: _That is why I had the last Author's Note explaining my new found resentment of Lucas and how everything went down between Lucas and Brooke. THAT is why I chose those particular flashbacks as well...it seemed that the relationship between Lucas and Brooke during season 2 is what they were all about and then after putting them together they lost that connection, that emotion, that bond that made them absolutely amazing and what made ME fall in love with them. It wasn't the first season, it was the second season...anyways...I am glad that I was able to get that emotion across about Lucas and how he has treated Brooke and what she had to go through. A woman's heart can only handle so much! Thank you for noticing and getting that hate for Lucas lol**

**_Pam:_** **I am glad you like the Clay and Lucas chat, I am sure they would have had a great friendship as well on the show...if Luke was still there. I am going to bring the note back up most definitely, but I am going to let Lucas do what is best for Brooke which is not cause her stress which includes the note, but TRUST ME the note will resurface and you'll never guess where it is found ;)**

_**:**_**As always you give me the most constructive reviews and I LOVE them...I am glad you like this story it is different and that was my goal although I did realize a couple of chapters back that both of my stories involve scars and that was an honest mistake, BUT it works really well I think...and the scar will be brought up more too. Yeah Brooke DOES have a lot of walls up especially when it comes to Lucas but I think that through everything she's been through she is willing to start over, start from the beginning because that's where she needs to be and I think she realizes that no matter what Luke put her through...she knows that deep down maybe he can help her because he was the one to break her out of her shell and become the most amazing person that she is...(in my opinion) AND I think that this also helps Lucas too...it will begin to redefine both of them and get them BOTH back to the people they used to be...and trust me Peyton's insecurities are going to eat away at her because let's face it deep down she knows that this is all her fault and that the truth will come out and it terrifies her that it will destroy her relationship with Lucas. AND I LOVE JAMIE AND LUCAS scenes! I was so upset that we didn't get more of them in the show and I mean I understand but COME ON that little boy was Lucas's mini me...I am going to have more of those as well. I think Haley isn't necessarily trying to force or push the idea about Brooke and Lucas together...I just think and I know I haven't clarified it in the story, but I feel that Haley has grown over the years and seeing things from both Lucas and Brooke's POV that Lucas was absolutely everything to Brooke and that Lucas took all of that for granted and she just wants to make it very clear to Lucas what he really meant to Brooke...hopefully that makes sense and I think this chapter will help? **

**If I missed you I am sorry but as always THANK YOU for reviewing and THANK YOU for being the best readers anyone can ask for...I only hope that I have reeled in newbies! **

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 9: I Can't Take It<strong>

**"Charles Bukowski once wrote: 'There will always be something to ruin our lives. It all depends on what or which finds us first. You're always ripe and ready to be taken.'" –Lucas Scott, 'Something I Can Never Have' One Tree Hill.**

"_Tell me why you want to be president?"_

_She looks off and I can see her amazing brain working out the kinks and she's found her words._

"_I am who I am. No excuses. But I'd like other people to know that there is a lot more to me than just some party girl." _

_I have never seen her look more confident in her words. _

"_This is a speech from John F. Kennedy." I handed her the book._

_She gave me that cheeky grin and took the book from me._

"_I think it could work for you." _

_As she read the words, I was trying to read her. She was growing into this amazing person and I don't know why I never saw it before._

"_This is all about courage. Nobody is going to believe this coming from me." Her face was still buried in the book._

_I couldn't help but be enamored of her. I smiled._

"_I would." _

_For that silent, amazing moment, we were peering into the other's soul._

How could I have been so stupid, so naïve. I was such an….

"Asshole." I said to myself. I brought my cup to my mouth and let the warm liquid glide down my throat and I closed my eyes.

A pair of arms snaked around my waist and I smelled honey and lemon.

"Hey you." I said.

"What are you doing up so early?" She whispered in between my shoulder blades. I ran my hand across her hands and clasped my hand around hers.

"I told Brooke that I would help her."

I felt her entire body tense.

"Oh." She said and she fell silent.

"I just, I want to, Peyton." I said and she was quiet again.

Her arms fell away from me. I didn't turn around to face her as I heard her open a cabinet, grab a cup, and slam the cup on the counter. All of her movements in the kitchen were stiff and uncomfortable. I took a deep breath and turned to face her. She looked so fragile and I stepped forward as she quickly turned around.

"You know, Luke, I think it's a great idea." She grabbed the paper off the table and walked back into the bedroom.

I shook my head, finished my coffee, and placed my cup in the sink. I walked back to the bedroom. She had her glasses on reading the paper in the bed. Everything about her was so comfortable that it made me realize that she's really only been living here about a year, but it seemed like ages for her.

"What's on your mind?" I asked her leaning against the door frame.

"Nothing, Lucas. I think it's great that you are going to help Brooke. She's been through a lot and could use your help." She never once looked at me as she spoke.

"Then why do you seem upset?" I wasn't trying to get into an argument with her but this obviously bothered her.

"I'm not upset."

I rolled my eyes.

"I feel like you're keeping something from me. I've been feeling it ever since Brooke came back so Peyton it's going to come out one way or the other. So I would just hope that you would tell me now before I get in deep with Brooke."

She finally looked up at me.

"What is this?" She questioned.

"Does it bother you that I am going to be spending time with Brooke?" I crossed my arms and just hoped that she was not going to be that girl in high school who got jealous.

"Should it?" She said as tears dared to leave her eyes.

"Why would you even ask me that? Have you not been there through all the shit you and me have been through over the past four years together?" I pointed towards her.

"This has nothing to do with Brooke. Whatever this is going on between me and you right now is just that me and you. I feel like you're the one who is letting Brooke be an issue when she shouldn't." I didn't mean to raise my voice at her. Hell it was the last thing I wanted, but after everything that has been invading my mind the past couple of days I feel like I owe everything to Brooke.

"It's not just me Luke, it's you too! You've been different ever since you came back from New York that night you saw her. I mean did it ever cross your mind why she didn't ask me to be there for her? That maybe that would make me upset? _Now_ who is making this about Brooke?" She threw the paper on the bed and stormed pass me.

"I am not going to fight with you about this Peyton!" I said through the bathroom door.

She didn't say anything. I grabbed some clean clothes, threw it in a bag, grabbed my laptop, and headed out the door. I just can't believe that after us getting back together and promising each other that we would not fight, lie to each other, it started to slowly eat away at us. I for one did not blame Brooke…or did I? Or was she just an excuse…for something greater?

I knew I would be walking into a house full of people, but I knew that if I had stayed longer that Peyton and I would have a huge blowout and say things we both didn't mean and I could not handle that, not now. It was still too early to knock…I only woke up at five this morning to go for a run and didn't expect Peyton to wake up that much sooner. I got out my spare key to the house. Use it for emergencies only right? I feel this is an emergency. Once I was inside I realized that nobody was awake…yet. It was almost 6:15 and I figured I would cook breakfast for everyone once I got out of the shower. I snuck upstairs quietly.

I went into the guest bathroom that Brooke had now taken over. It was strange being in an area surrounded by everything Brooke. It, of course, smelled like vanilla and jasmine. I then realized that I didn't even bring anything to shower with for myself. Well, I guess I am going to smell like Brooke today. I got into the shower and let the warm water release the tension in my shoulders. I tried my best to push out everything that has happened lately but it was hard. I had come to terms that I would probably never see Brooke again and I accepted it, but now, hell, I am in her shower using her shampoo and washing my body in her scent. She's here, she's back, I've touched her, I've held her and it is driving me crazy to have her near again, but it's not in the way I used to feel. Before Brooke and I got together again, she became my best friend. Haley went off on tour and I didn't have her here anymore so Brooke and I became close and it was like during that time when Haley was gone, Brooke became my best friend. That's what I seemed to miss the most about her.

I cut the water off and opened the shower door.

"Damn it." I forgot to grab a towel.

The moment I stepped onto the bath rug and went to reach for a towel in the cabinet, the door swung open and Brooke walked in.

She squealed and for an instance we stared at each other. She backed out of the room and slammed the door shut.

"You have got to be kidding me." I didn't lock the door.

Where the hell is my head at today? I quickly reached for a towel and started to dry off. I began to get dressed and when I walked out of the bathroom, I knocked on Brooke's door.

She opened it with her eyes closed.

"I'm dressed."

She hesitated in opening her eyes.

"What are you doing here?"

I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell her the truth or not. I was not going to get in between the two women. It wasn't my place and Brooke wanted _my_ help. So I lied.

"No hot water at the moment. I thought if I got here earlier while everyone was asleep, I could get in and out real quick." I said.

She kept her eyes away from me as if she were scared to look at me. I am not sure what was going on through her head after seeing me naked. I was actually not even sure how I felt about it. This woman has seen me naked on more than a few occasions and this time it felt different.

"I don't get much sleep these days." She walked back over to the bed and got under the covers.

"I am going to make breakfast for everyone, would…you like to help me?" I offered.

She wanted my help so getting her involved in tasks that involved people that matter, I mean I believe I am someone who matters to her, who is important to her because she wouldn't have asked for my help if I didn't…right?

"Yeah." She wasn't wearing the footed pajamas I caught her in yesterday. She grabbed her silver, silk robe to cover her barely there tank and shorts and followed me out of the room and downstairs.

We started working around the kitchen in silence. It was like we already shared a routine but then again, we used to have one.

"_I am glad that we have managed to reach this part of our relationship, Luke." _

_It was strange that she would use relationship instead of friendship, but I guess it was appropriate, we were living together under the same roof as I had decided to move back to __**my**__house after Nathan decided to move back in with Dan and become selfish._

"_Yeah me too." I handed her the powdered sugar and she set it next to the plates._

_I flipped the bacon in the pan as well as the pancakes in the pan next to it. She took the spatula from my hand as she put some powdered sugar on my face. _

"_Ah!" I yelped._

"_Brooke Davis, don't start something you know very well you can't finish." I said. I reached for the spatula and I was so close to her that her breath hit my face._

_She put more of the white powder on my face. _

"_That's it." I made sure I turned down the heat on the stove and reached for the syrup. _

"_Lucas Scott, don't you dare!" She grabbed the whole bag of sugar and was prepared for retaliation._

"_You know you're right. We're not children. Truce?" I held out my hand. She found it questionable._

"_Okay. Truce." The moment her hand was in mine, I quickly grabbed the syrup and squirt in all in her hair._

_She squealed and gasped as I held her arm in my reach and brought her body close to mine where she couldn't get free._

"_You're dead!" She broke free from my grasp and reached for the bag of sugar and a cloud of powdery fluff showered my entire face and front side._

"_I didn't realize I had two five year olds living in my house!" _

_We both froze at the thundering voice that boomed from the petite raven haired woman sounded through the room._

"_Karen, I am so sorry." Brooke giggled. My heart fluttered at the noise that escaped her lips._

"_Mom, I'll clean this up."_

"_You're damn right you will." My mother walked around the mess and reached for a piece of bacon._

"_After you finish cooking. This smells wonderful you two." She said and reached for a cup of coffee._

_Brooke and I exchanged smiles and I winked at her. The look on her face…was she blushing?_

_It was a great morning and for the brief time we lived together, Brooke and I made bacon and pancakes for breakfast._

"What's on your mind?"

I didn't realize it but I was smiling and she kinked her head to the side as she started mixing the ingredients for pancakes.

"I was thinking about our brief breakfast routine we had when you were living at my mom's house at the end of junior year." I pulled out bacon and eggs from the fridge.

I looked over at her and she smiled and just as fast as it came, it disappeared.

"What's on _your_ mind?" I asked her.

I loved their kitchen. It was so big and was perfect for the amount of food we would be cooking for the for the amount of people that were currently residing within the walls.

"What are you doing here Lucas?" She asked quietly.

"I don't want to talk about me. I want to talk about you. I know there is something else on your mind." I cracked the shells and poured the egg contents into a mixing bowl.

"Tomorrow is Julian's birthday. He would have been twenty-four." She stopped mixing the pancake mix.

I stopped my actions as well and I observed her. She stood awkwardly in front of the countertop that I definitely saw a stranger. The life, the glow that used to surround her, it was all gone. Even after being around her these past few days and her seemingly hiding her tortured emotions, it was still all missing. Her bony fingers gripped the edge of the counter and I saw a shudder rush through her body. She was about to cry, it always happened to her when she was about to cry. I honestly didn't know what I should do. Should I touch her? Should I try to comfort her? I also noticed for the first time the ring on her finger. Has she been wearing that this entire time? How did I not notice it before?

"I can only imagine what you're going through. I'm sorry Brooke."

"I think you would have liked him." She smiled again and it quickly vanished after appearing.

"I'm sure I would."

She started with the pancake mix again and we moved quietly around each other and began to cook breakfast. Brooke kept her focus on the pancakes and I focused on the bacon and eggs. I went back to the fridge and grabbed milk and the three different juices to accommodate the breakfast foods and of course started a fresh pot of coffee for Brooke.

"Lucas, why were you showering here this morning?" She asked again.

I dropped the tongs harshly against the frying pan.

"Brooke."

"It will take my mind off of Julian." She said quickly.

"Peyton and I were erupting into an argument and I left before it got out of hand."

The silence fell over us again and she turned her full attention to me.

"About me?" She asked quietly as a child would.

"I get the feeling that she's not jealous that you asked for my help but that you didn't ask for her help."

I wasn't sure if I heard the next sound from her mouth correctly but it seemed like a bitter scoff. I shook my head of it because surely that is not what it was.

"I have my reasons."

I couldn't read Brooke right now. She was hiding something that was definite. I was about to speak, but like a stampede, the rest of the household started down the stairs.

"What is going on?" Haley asked as she held Lydia in her arms followed closely by Nathan and Jamie.

"We made breakfast." Brooke's raspy voice spoke.

I looked at the back of Brooke's head and let a broken smile appear on my face.

"Wow, it smelled so good it woke me up." Millicent was wearing pink polka dotted pajamas. I didn't know her very well, but it was something that definitely suited her personality.

Clay draped his arm around Millicent's shoulders. He was in a basic grey tee and flannelled pajama pants.

"Penny, you making your famous pancakes?" He asked her.

Penny? I didn't think that suited Brooke at all…but then again I don't know Brooke these days.

"Of course, I'll even make you one with bananas." She reached for a banana hanging on its hook and began to peel it.

We all gathered the plates of food, drinks, plates and silverware and scattered around the table.

"Where's Peyton?" Nathan asked me. I shook my head. That was a good enough cue to get everyone to drop the subject.

Breakfast went very well. Although I just met Clay and Millicent it seemed natural that they belonged here. Clay and Nathan got so wrapped up in basketball that it wasn't that they left me out, I didn't have anything to say. I kept my eyes on Brooke. She barely ate anything and as much as I wanted to reach out to her and encourage her to eat, there was no point. Not even a month after her fiancé passes away, she has to be reminded of him once again on the day of his birth, what made it possible for Brooke to know him and love him.

There was something about Brooke though when she spent time with Jamie. He brought the life back in her. When she smiled it was genuine and her face actually had color. I became entranced by her. When I first met Brooke, I never really pictured her settling down with a family and having children of her own, but watching her now, I could see her being an amazing mother. Her bond with Jamie was pure. It was instinctual. It seemed that two pairs of eyes noticed me staring at Brooke and when I unfocused my attention from her to look over at Haley and Nathan I got two different reactions. Haley was relieved, and Nathan seemed upset.

We all started cleaning up after our breakfast and Nathan told Clay that he would take him to the Rivercourt for a little one on one. Jamie wanted to go with them. Haley was meeting Quinn later for lunch and to see her new studio and Millicent had made plans the night before with Mouth leaving Brooke and I free for the day. Millicent and Brooke were both upstairs getting ready and Haley and I were left downstairs with Lydia.

"What's going on with you Lucas?" Haley brushed her fingers through my hair that was getting too long for my taste.

"Want to do me a favor?" I asked her and she knew what it was.

"Short or buzzed?" She asked me.

"Buzzed." She went for the razor and I grabbed Lydia and her bouncy seat and we proceeded outside.

I sat Lydia in her seat in the shade as I grabbed a towel from the storage room outside. Haley cut on the razor.

"Talk Scott."

She ran the razor through my hair and I watch it fall around me.

"Peyton and I got into an argument this morning. I feel like that's all we've been doing since Brooke resurfaced." I clasped my hands together.

"Why do you think that's happening?"

I tried to find the right words.

"I think she's afraid of Brooke. I think Peyton feels Brooke poses a threat to our relationship."

Haley didn't speak for a moment as she tilted my head to the side.

"Should she feel that way?"

"No!" I rushed it.

Even if that was a possibility, it was stupid to believe that. Brooke just lost the man she was in love with, the man that she planned to spend the rest of her life with, the fact that Peyton could even fathom Brooke wanting to come between us was ridiculous.

"Brooke just lost the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with; I don't see her coming between you two being an issue." Haley tilted my head the opposite direction.

"Exactly."

"But…" She stopped for a moment as she dipped my head forward and I found myself staring at my hands.

"But you making promises to Brooke to help her get through this, _that_ could possibly come between you and Peyton…now I'm not saying that it should but the more time you spend with Brooke, the less time you spend with Peyton and after what you two went through with Lindsey, is that something you're willing to do to Peyton?" Haley cut off the razor and ran her hand all over my head making the stray hairs fall away.

I stood up abruptly and removed the towel around my neck. I walked further out in the backyard and ruffled the towel to remove the hair. I stood there for a moment and gazed out at the lake. It was so peaceful this morning.

"You know Haley, as I drove through town yesterday trying to figure out if I wanted to be a part of this, it made me see just how awful I treated Brooke." I still kept my back to Haley.

"I found myself leaning towards Peyton more and pushing Brooke away…even though I considered Peyton my friend then, I found myself still embracing Peyton's open arms and not Brooke's. I owe Brooke this and if Peyton can't understand that then she's just going to have to deal with it." When I turned around to face Haley, I was also met face to face with the brunette.

She stood there looking fragile in a pair of jeans and white t-shirt, her hands fumbled together.

"I think it's time to feed Lydia." Haley squeezed Brooke's arm and quickly left with Lydia.

Brooke and I stared at each other. It became awkward before she spoke.

"You are just now realizing that?" She said as she looked away from me.

"I think I've always known, but when you left, I honestly didn't know what to believe."

"You look nice." She said as she walked towards me.

I ran my hand across my buzzed hair and realized next that I needed to shave, but I would do that later.

"Where did you go?" I asked her. She knew what I meant.

"I stayed with Jake."

"Jagielski?" I was shocked. That was definitely not what I would have thought.

"Yeah, I figured it would be the last place anybody would find me."

* * *

><p><em>I grabbed my over packed suitcase and dragged it up the sidewalk as I reached my destination. The neighborhood was quiet and peaceful, reminded me of Tree Hill. I stopped as my phone buzzed in my pocket. <em>

_I smiled at the name that lit up the screen._

"_Hey Karen."_

"_Honey, did you make it there safely?" The older woman asked with concern in her voice._

"_Yes, I was just about to knock on his door. I, uh, I am sorry that you are keeping my location from Lucas. I know he's your son, and I am asking something so huge of you, but—"_

"_Brooke, I consider you my daughter just as much as Lucas is my own child. Don't worry about it. Lucas will heal in time." _

_I paused for a moment as just even talking about him to his amazing mother brought tears to my eyes. I shut my eyes tightly to keep them from falling._

"_Well, I am glad you made it there. Now Brooke, my dear, start over and do what is best for you. I love you and don't be a stranger." _

"_I won't and take care of yourself and that precious baby." _

"_I will and I'll send you pictures the moment she arrives. I love you."_

"_I love you too, Karen." I shut my phone and I guess he heard me as the door opened before I knocked._

"_Hey, come in, come in." He grabbed my bag from me and I entered the home of Jake Jagielski and little Jenny._

_I followed Jake inside his home and it looked more like a loft than a house. The doors had faded, chipped paint on them, the walls were painted a hunter green, and the furniture had an old antique feel to it. It was warm and cozy, just what I needed._

_I immediately could tell that this was a home with a child. There were toys everywhere and a small children's art easel which Jake or Peyton bought, but my bet is on Peyton. I tensed at the thought of her._

"_Brooke, are you okay?" _

_I turned to face Jake._

"_Are you okay?" I asked him._

_He chuckled slightly._

"_I asked you first." _

"_No, I am not okay. I can't believe she did this to me and especially to you." I slouched down on the couch in the middle of the room and he sat opposite of me._

"_I felt like she was more lonely than truly wanting to marry me, it didn't feel right, none of it did when she asked me and kept pushing it." He ran a hand through his hair._

"_Jake, I am really sorry. I am not just saying this to make myself believe that she doesn't have feelings for Lucas, but when you came back that second time, I could tell she was crazy in love with you, and I don't know what happened between now and then after her spending time with you, but it just seems gone and now she's in love with **my** Lucas." I pulled my legs into my chest and tried to hide the tears that were falling down my face._

_He reached out and placed a hand on one of my knees._

"_I know we were never really close, but if there was one thing I did know and I still do is that you are crazy about Lucas Scott and I am sorry this is happening to you…again." _

_I don't know why but I felt compelled to just spill my guts to Jake._

"_The first time they deceived me I thought I wasn't going to survive. A boy has never treated me or looked at me the way Lucas did, and it's what made me fall in love with him. I realize that we are completely different people and that we have nothing in common, but he's what kept me grounded, he's what made me a better person." I looked over at him and he smiled._

"_You know me and Luke would keep in touch. He would tell me the exact same thing about you. He loved that you were different from him. He loved that you both taught each other so much and he adores you. I just can't believe that he would run to Peyton…"_

"_Um, well…"_

"_Brooke what aren't you telling me?" Jake released his hand from my knee and waited for my response._

"_I didn't tell him about Peyton's feelings, he just mentioned the kiss during the school shooting and I just saw it escalating from there. Like I said the first time nearly killed me and my feelings then weren't as powerful as they are now. You know she had the nerve to twist my words around." I shook my head and immediately sat up._

"_I really just don't want to talk about this right now; I am just…Jake thank you for doing this for me." _

_Jake stood up and shook his head. _

"_Don't mention it. I understand the situation you are in and you were there for me when all the Nikki crap was going on. It's the least I can do." _

_At that moment, Jenny stared crying in the background._

"_Excuse me." _

"_Of course." I said as my eyes followed him towards the back room to attend to Jenny. _

_I walked towards the open windows and stared outside. I took a deep breath. This would be good for me. This is what I need._

"_I am going to be okay." I said to myself…at least I hope so._

I was lost in thought at the memory. I could feel Luke's eyes on me.

"How long did you stay in Savannah with Jake?" He asked.

"Almost two years. Jake was great. Jenny has grown into an amazing little girl." I turned back to Luke and his face hardened. There was something on his mind, but it suddenly changed.

"Why did you ask for my help and not Peyton's?" He shoved his hands in his pockets and turned to face me.

"Peyton has all the answers to that question as well. She should be the one to tell you why. I do want to try and work on a renewed friendship with Peyton, but I don't want her help with this." I crossed my arms over my chest as the wind picked up and blew my hair across my face.

"I don't have any more jackets to give you, I am pretty sure you have my only two that I wear."

I smiled as he was correct. The two jackets were upstairs lying in the chair beside my bed.

"Peyton won't tell me anything. I want you to tell me." He said and now his whole body was facing me.

I never liked it when Lucas's eyes bore through me not even when we were together. I hated knowing that someone could see through me and Lucas at times could do just that, but not when it came to my love for him, he could never see that.

"Why do you need to know this? Why do you want to know? It's not going to change anything, Lucas, can we please not talk about the past anymore?" I didn't want us to start this new found bond between us with an argument.

He gave up. He let out a long sigh. We stood in silence some more and stared out into the lake.

"I almost forgot how beautiful this place was. Tree Hill is always going to be home."

"What do you want to do today?" He asked me.

"I don't know. I, there is just so much I have to face and deal with that it scares the hell out of me." I hugged my arms around myself tighter and before I knew he had moved, his arms were around me.

"Let's go inside." He led us back in and the house was silent.

"I didn't go to the funeral; I haven't even been to his grave." I started to unravel everything to him.

Lucas was always the easiest and the hardest person to talk too. It was easy because he would devote his entire attention to me and it was the hardest because I was so in love with him back then that I could never get my words out, not get him to understand it.

"_I am not pushing you away, Lucas, I am holding on for dear life. But I need you to need me back, okay? Why didn't you tell me about the kiss? And why didn't you call me while you were away? And why won't you ever just let me all the way in? We have to go give our speeches now about love."  
><em>

"_Please don't be mad, Brooke."  
><em>

"_I'm not mad, Luke. I'm not mad." _

I was devastated; I was crushed that last day I was with him. The boy that I gave my heart to, the boy that I knew I could never live without, didn't know me at all. That's what made it so hard sometimes to talk to him, because he didn't know me, or maybe he forgot?

"Why?" He asked.

"What?" I remembered that I was still with him and not alone to my thoughts.

"Why didn't you go to the funeral? Brooke that's your fiancé." He said sympathetically.

"He _was_ my fiancé." I said bitterly.

"You are right, this isn't you or at least the girl I remember."

I felt myself getting angry by his words.

"Oh yeah? And Lucas just who was I because if you can't put the pieces together on why I left or why I was so upset that day at the wedding, then tell me who that girl was back then?" I felt tears begging to leave my eyes and I was doing my damnedest to not let them escape.

"She was fiercely independent. Brilliant, and beautiful, and brave. She was selfless, caring, spontaneous, lively, graceful, embracing, elegant, and most of all, she was never bitter. The Brooke Davis I remember wore her heart on her sleeve and let an ass hole destroy her." He pointed to himself and I couldn't help but smirk at him.

"The Brooke Davis I remember would never have skipped out on the funeral of the one person she loved the most." He started walking towards me.

"The Brooke Davis I remember was so strong that even through her grief and heartache, she held her head high and made sure no one saw her suffering—"

"I have lost everything!" I blurted out as the tears won the battle. I couldn't hold them back any longer.

"Let me finish, damn it." He shot back and my mouth immediately closed.

"Even though you used to do those things…you have been through more hell and loss than anyone I know…I can only hope and pray that I can do whatever it takes to make you find happiness and that girl you used to be, because we miss her…I miss you."

Damn him! He was brilliant with his words….he always had been when he wasn't being an asshole and breaking my heart.

"You promise?" I knew that was projecting everything into that one simple question asking a lot of him because he was never able to keep promises to me.

"If there will ever be a promise that I am going to keep to you, it is this one because I never want to be a reason for you to hurt again." He pulled me into his arms and held me.

For once and just this once I found myself believing him, putting all that I had left in me in his words…I only hoped that he wouldn't betray me because I don't know if my body, mind, and soul could take it.

* * *

><p><strong>Thoughts? I definitely think that Lucas is beginning to see things clearly...seeing what he missed out on...seeing who Brooke really is...but does that change anything? Hmm...lol...this is a Brucas story...but how long will it take? Stay tuned!<strong>


	10. Her Story

**A/N: You guys are amazing!By the way those of you that read A Thousand Years...I have the next chapter almost ready...I am typing more and proofreading so maybe by tomorrow night! :)  
><strong>

**Anon: Awe, I hate that you can't see Brooke and Lucas getting together in my story...but I am trying to write these characters as who I believe they would be as adults not the high school students...trust me I understand what you are saying and honestly that was my motive behind starting this story. Hmmm...but my question is..._is_ Lucas _really_ in love with Peyton? Or has he suppressed something? I can only imagine what someone goes through when they have "lost" someone they were in love with...and then to have that person come back into your life...and also these characters are not in high school anymore...so I am trying to start focusing on the people they are now as opposed to then and believe me it angers me how everything went down between Brooke and Lucas on the show. There was SO much left unresolved between those two and it still angers me today...so maybe you could still read on and see where it goes? :) Brooke/Clay seems odd to me considering they rarely have any scenes together on the show so that's hard for me to picture but I do enjoy writing a very strong friendship between them in my story as I will have more flashbacks with them in my story and as well as future scenes...**

**XHush-HushX: Yes it IS time he started realizing that he misses Brooke...I mean how are you suppose to feel when someone walks out of your life without any goodbye or explanation? I feel that Luke has done his hardest to suppress his feelings towards Brooke no matter what they are...**

**Dianehermans: Trust me the truth will come out about Peyton in good time.**

**Cheery Tropay Venturi: Yes, more Bake scenes will occur and maybe...he may make a visit to Tree Hill... :)**

**Alysef: I'm glad you like my story! I am trying to do my best to create the build-up between many of the characters with Brooke's departure there's a lot of unresolved issues and feelings...and it will ALL come out in due time. The letter will resurface and it will appear where you expect BUT not why you think! I feel that Lucas has every right to feel conflicted especially now that he is putting together why Brooke got upset the way she did that last time she was with him and how he was so STUPID in not doing anything about it...Lucas is definitely choosing to save Brooke because he WANTS too no matter what...he feels that he needs and has too not only for her but for him...Yes Haley is impartial in both ways...she only wants them both happy...**

**You guys are amazing so please enjoy this update...one of my favs to write so far!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10: Her Story<br>**

**"I've been awaiting for you**  
><strong>And you've been awaiting for me<strong>  
><strong>Tell me that you'll always be true<strong>  
><strong>And you'll be the only one for me<strong>  
><strong>Forget me not my dear, my darling<strong>  
><strong>Forget me not my love" <strong>

**-"Forget Me Not" -The Civil Wars  
><strong>

My evening with Brooke went really well. We spent the entire night talking about our college days, our dreams, and Peyton. It was odd but it seemed that whatever tension Brooke had towards Peyton, it dissipated slowly the more we talked about her. She was happy when I mentioned everything she has done to be successful in Red Bedroom records. Brooke wasn't surprised, she always felt that Peyton would exceed in her goals and dreams.

We finished the evening with Clay, Millicent and Brooke discussing their fondest memories before they met Julian. As they began to tell their stories, a part of me became sad. It made me sad that I had missed out on all of these amazing memories of Brooke. I wasn't there to not share those kinds of moments with Brooke. I was beginning to realize that I _missed_ her, everything about her. She was the light to my firework. Once she lit me, I exploded in all different directions, my flare shining all over, and once she ignites me, I become this vivacious person bringing things out in me that I didn't realize was there.

"_Oh my God! A smile, is Lucas Scott actually having fun?" She was completely amazed and I shook my head at her._

"_I have fun." I was doing my best to sound convincing._

"_Sure you do. Lucas, you are like the most serious guy I've ever met." She didn't buy it at all. _

_I turn around and grab the beer I never really intended on drinking._

"_Fine!" I raised the glass up to encourage her words._

_I take a sip and let out a sound of praise to the alcohol that coursed down my throat as her smile became wider across her face. Her smile was intoxicating._

That was the moment when I realized that I was a very serious guy and that I never loosened up to have fun. I mean I never intended on drinking to be a part of the fun I would partake in, but with Brooke Davis around me, I was willing to do anything because she made it worthwhile. Brooke Davis made me relax; she helped me get rid of a lot of tension and anger I had built up inside of me. All she had to do was quote literature wrong, or sing Britney Spears at the top of her lungs, or even pretend she knows what I am talking about when it comes to Aristotle, Nietzche, or Burke. It would always bring a genuine smile to my face because she was _real_, she was never embarrassed by the fact that she wasn't interested in the same things as me, but she put forth an effort to listen to me, to try and succeed in understanding a quote I may riddle off my tongue. She would become intrigued and that was what I loved about her.

When I got out of the car walking towards my door, I reached for my phone in my pocket.

"Shit!" I cursed as I didn't realize my phone was on silent.

I had five missed calls, three text messages, and one voicemail from Peyton. I scrolled to the little tape at the top of my screen and hit the call button.

"_Lucas, I am sorry for this morning and the past couple of days. It's just I __**miss**__ you. I know it's been a busy few days for us and I am sorry. I love that you are helping Brooke, I do. And I even know why she would want you instead of me. I am going to have dinner ready for us tonight around eight and I can't wait to see you. I love you."_

I had received that voicemail a little over two hours ago. I felt like a worthless piece of shit at the moment. She was never going to believe that I had my phone on silent, but then again, I never once looked at it to see if I had any messages from her. Hell, one part of the reason I stayed away from the house is because I learned something earlier from Brooke and it had upset me, but that wasn't an excuse to ignore her. I walked slowly towards the front door, placed my key in the knob, and turned the handle and walked inside my home.

The room still had the faint of her lemon rosemary chicken. I walked over to the trashcan and saw the food sitting on top and the aroma was enticing my nose. The green beans and red peppers sat on top of the chicken. There were two candles on the table and they were burned down to their core. There was a note on the table. I walked over to it.

_You were probably busy. Sorry we didn't have dinner together. I love you._

I crumpled the paper up in frustration. I walked back to the bedroom and found her asleep in a white nightgown. As she slept, it wasn't peaceful, it was gloomy. Her face was wrinkled in sadness and I could tell she cried herself to sleep.

My phone sent off a little beep as I received a text message. Luckily it didn't wake Peyton up. I checked the message and I didn't recognize the number.

_Hey Luke. It's Clay. I hope you can stop by tomorrow. I know that it will help her. I just want to say thank you again for what you are doing for her. I can see already that it's helping. Later man!_

I clutched my phone in my hand tightly and held my fist over my mouth. Tomorrow was Julian's birthday. A day that he will never celebrate with his friends, family, and Brooke ever again. Of course, I had to be there for her.

I started to undress and with just my boxers on, I slid into bed next to Peyton. Her body shifted closer to mine as my weight brought the bed down some. She groaned a little as my warmth met her cold skin. She turned over to look at me.

"Is everything okay? I was worried about you." She said in a sleepy voice.

"Yes, I am sorry about tonight. I didn't have my phone on, and Haley made dinner, Brooke is…" My words drifted as I didn't want to discuss this with her.

"I'm just glad you're home." She turned her body to me and draped her arm across my waist.

"I miss your hair." She said in my chest as she drifted back to sleep.

"_I am glad you cut your hair." She said as she took a sip of her coffee._

_I sat next to her on the sofa as Jamie was playing Guess Who with Clay. _

"_Oh yeah?" I gave her a curious face._

"_Yeah. When you decided not to move away junior year, we became friends again, better ones; I even became fond of your short hair." She grinned into her cup. _

Brooke loved my hair buzzed and I had to admit I did too. I tried to get comfortable in the bed, but it was no use. I felt _different_. I reached for my phone on the nightstand. It was nearly ten o'clock and I knew she would still be awake as sleep was her enemy as well.

_Try to get some sleep. I know tomorrow is going to be a tough day, but I am going to be there for you. Goodnight, Brooke._

I waited a moment and there was no response. A few more minutes went by and as I was placing my phone back on the nightstand, it vibrated.

_You try to get some sleep. Thanks Luke. Goodnight._

I placed the phone down and wrapped my arms around Peyton. As I stared at the ceiling, I let out a long sigh as the one red dot stuck out among the other glowing stars on the ceiling. I stared at it remembering the day she asked me to put those up there for her.

"_What are you doing?" I walked through the patio door to find her standing on one foot on the bed with her hand reaching for the ceiling._

"_Well since this is technically my room now, I thought I would add my touch, not that I don't like your decorations." She smiled at me with those dimples._

"_Okay and what exactly are you doing?" I crossed my arms over my chest._

"_Well I went shopping today and came across those glow in the dark stars and they had planets! So I thought it would be cool to have one single red one among a sea of stars." As she reached one more time, she lost her footing._

_I rushed over to her and caught her, but the way she fell made us tumble to the floor. She rested against my chest and I looked up at her. _

"_Brooke, you are crushing a part of my anatomy I really prefer to still work properly." I choked on the sentence._

"_Oh God!" She jumped off me quickly and reached for my hand to help me up. She was horrified as her eyes kept darting from my face to my crotch. _

"_Okay pretty girl, let me help you and let's not use the bed as a step stool." I didn't realize at first that I had called her 'pretty girl' but the look on her face let me know that I did._

"_I…I was just…I didn't—"_

"_Its okay, Luke." She blushed and walked back over to the pack of stars and quickly started working on them again._

I snapped out of my memory. I also remembered the first time Peyton ever noticed them. It was when we started dating and I made up a story about them. I don't know why I never took them down; I guess I just always told myself that in the mass horde of people, like the crowd of stars, Brooke was the red planet among them all and she was out there somewhere. Peyton was sound asleep and I found myself nowhere near tired. I slowly got out of bed and went to my laptop. I wanted to write. I let my fingers glide over the keys for a moment and then it came to me.

**_Unkindness of Ravens was a non-fiction story of my life about my family and friends that mean everything to me. _ _It has been three years since it was published and I have yet to find any inspiration for another novel. Then a beautiful brunette from my past came back into my life and this is her story._**

_**Brooke Davis, the girl I fell in love with vanished from my life and I never thought I would see her again. If you remember I did express some emotion towards the woman who blew in my life only to have the winds carry her away from me, but the truth is I never gave the truth on how I really felt about this girl.** _

**_Brooke Davis was born into a broken home…_**

* * *

><p><em>There it was. That smile. I gripped the beautiful arrangement of flowers in my left hand. A rough hand gripped my soft one gently and I tightened my hand on his arm. I turned to face one of my best friends. <em>

"_Are you ready Dimples?" He winked at me._

"_I've been ready." I smiled at him._

_We began to walk towards the man with the amazing smile. The moment we made eye contact, his face fell a little and he was shocked. It was like he was seeing me for the first time and in that moment I could tell he fell in love with me all over again. My heart leapt in chest. My grip on Clay's arm tightened as the butterflies in my stomach fluttered their wings ferociously._

_I saw all the faces of the people that I loved around me, smiling and winking at me. They were all so happy for me. I couldn't help but smile and my cheeks began to hurt, but I didn't care. This was the happiest day of my life. _

_My smile began to fall as I realized that he was getting farther away from me. The closer I got to him, the farther he got away from me. What was happening? I don't understand. I was finally getting what I wanted. I turned to Clay and he was still smiling down at me as we continued to walk towards him. I finally let go of Clay's arm, dropped the flowers, hiked up my dress, and began to run. The faster I ran the faster he got away from me._

"_No!" I shouted. I kicked off my shoes and began sprinting. I didn't care that I was ruining my beautiful dress; I just wanted to get to him._

_I couldn't help the mass of tears that began to fall from my eyes. I was crying so hard that it began to cloud my vision, but I didn't let it affect me, because I just wanted to get to him, but he started to fade. He was reaching out to me and I was reaching for him, then he disappeared completely._

"_NOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed so loud that my body began to shake. _

_As I was getting ready to collapse, two strong arms wrapped around my waist and I fell in the embrace. I could not control my body as it violently shook as the tears were empowering me. _

"_Ssshh…it's okay, I got you." The voice whispered in my ear doing its best to calm me down. I managed to look up at the blue eyes peering into my soul._

"_Julian." I called out but he wasn't there anymore._

I jerked up out of bed. My body was covered in sweat and tears. I felt like I couldn't breathe. The sun was blinding me through the window. I immediately began to cry a fresh pool of tears. I looked over to the picture that had his gorgeous smile. I closed my eyes and in this rush of emotion, my body became numb. I wasn't sure that I could keep it together. After the dream and this day that I should be celebrating with Julian, I started to doubt that I felt like I was taking two steps back to get past this, but it's still too soon. It's only been a month, what the hell made me think that I could work on getting better so soon? What made me think that I could separate my mourning for Julian from my life? It's a part of me and as much as I try to bury it or keep it from interfering in my everyday tasks, it's impossible. I didn't like people seeing me this way especially not my friends.

There was a knock on my door and I couldn't find my voice. The tears I was desperately trying to hold back made it very hard for me to open my mouth at all. The door opened and a head popped around the door.

"Hey, hey, hey, whoa…" He quickly walked over to me and I couldn't control it anymore. The tears had their own mind.

He pulled me into his arms and began to rock me slowly. I gripped his shirt and I heard the thread slightly rip.

"I am going to fix that. I promise." I coughed out as my sobs got louder.

"Whoa…screw the shirt. Baby girl, I know this is a hard day for you. It's okay to cry." He kissed the top of my head.

"Aunt Brooke, are you okay?" The little boy hid behind the door with a sad face.

"Jamie, sweetie, how about we make some breakfast for your Aunt Brooke?" Haley came into my view as she shooed Jamie down the stairs.

"Brooke, is there anything I can get you?" Haley came into the room and sat across from us.

"I just, I just can't believe he's gone. I mean I feel like it's happening all over again." It was as if I lost him again today. The images of the wreck, the hospital, the doctor telling me that my fiancé died immediately, it all flashed through my mind.

Haley went to speak but no words came out. We all sat there in silence for a moment.

"I remember when Julian told me he wanted to propose to you."

I looked up at Clay who looked as if he was on the brink of crying as well.

"He took me to a Knicks game and he became nervous after the game was over. We went to Joe's down the street for a drink and it started to bug me. So I just asked him. I said, 'damn it, Julian, you are freaking me out. What is going on?' He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, black box, and opened it. My eyes went wide and I…" Clay chuckled slightly, "'I said dude are you proposing to me?' The look on his face, Brookie, you would have peed your pants; he actually got embarrassed and shook his head. He said, 'no, you ass, I want to propose to Brooke.'"

I found myself smiling.

"I patted him on the back and he turned serious. He said, 'I am telling you this, because you are the closet thing she has to a family, and I, well, I guess I am asking for your blessing?' I was shocked. I never had anyone have so much respect for me to ask for my blessing on anything." He brushed the tattered hair from my face and looked down at me.

"He was a great man, Brooke, and I am sorry that you lost him, that we all lost him, but Julian had an amazing heart and he would not want you to mourn today. He would want you to celebrate. Celebrate the fact that he did live and he lived some of his last, precious moments with you."

I didn't know what to say. My last moments with Julian were bitter, stressed and full of tension.

"Clay, I love you, my cave man, but it's just I can never forgive myself for what happened." I tore myself away from his grip and headed straight to the bathroom.

I know that Julian would want me to celebrate and share some of our greatest stories together to everyone, but I couldn't do that without breaking down and being…vulnerable.

There was a tiny knock on the door. I hurriedly wiped the tears away and opened the door. Jamie was behind the door and he was holding up a cup of coffee carefully. He looked so sad. I bent down to face him and no matter what pain or internal conflict, I could never let this sweet boy see it.

"Hey boyfriend." I kissed his forehead and took the cup from him.

"I don't like it when you're sad, Aunt Brooke."

"Oh sweetie, I just miss Julian so much, but I'm okay, I promise."

He held out his pinky.

"Pinky promise it." He said. I reached down and wrapped my pinky around his.

"Now give your Aunt Brooke a big, fat, sloppy, Jamie kiss." He blushed, leaned over and pecked me on the lips.

"See you've made my day better already." I smiled at him.

He turned around slowly and headed back downstairs. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. The coffee smelled amazing.

"Brooke?"

I looked up and Millie was standing in the doorway.

"Hey." I said and had to clear my throat.

"Are you okay?" She asked me.

"Are you okay?" I looked at her.

"I miss him." She said quietly. I pulled her into my arms and with my free hand and I wrapped it tightly around her shoulders.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, both of us shedding tears. Feet pounded up the stairs and two arms went around both of us.

"Ladies, you are the light of my life, but come on…let's not do this right now." Clay was always trying to keep us from crying because he never liked it.

Some of my coffee spilled when he did that getting all over the back of Clay's shirt.

"Serves you right." I said. He rolled his eyes.

Millie and I headed downstairs and the smell of pancakes sifted through the entire house. I tried my best to put on a smile for everyone but I was failing. We all had breakfast together and Nathan started asking questions about Julian. It didn't bother me, but like I said, I couldn't just celebrate his life and not mourn him. Millie and Clay exchanged stories and I did my best to keep myself together.

After breakfast was over everyone dispersed to get ready for their day. Everyone wanted to stay close by with me and I knew that Lucas was coming over, and I really didn't want to be bombarded by everyone. I knew that Haley was getting ready for the school year to start back as well as Jamie entering his first year. Clay has become really in depth with Nathan about scouting new clients that I was starting to believe they were going to team up, and I haven't heard Lucas speak about it yet. Hell, it almost seemed like Lucas didn't want to be a part of it anymore.

I was still the only one left downstairs as there was a knock on the door. It had to have been Lucas. I did my best to compose myself to look like I hadn't been crying. I opened the door and was greeted by a face I wasn't expecting.

"Hey Brooke."

I didn't know what to say as I looked at the blonde man standing beside her.

"Peyton." My voice sounded rough.

"Can we talk?" She asked as she looked between me and Lucas.

Lucas's eyes never left me.

"Sure." I said not sure about this.

They followed in behind me and we all sat awkwardly in the common area. No one spoke and I couldn't take it.

"What is it you wanted to talk to me about Peyton?" I gripped my coffee cup tightly.

"I want to leave the past in the past where it belongs and I know that we haven't really talked about what's happened with you, but I want you to know that I am here for you for whatever you need and I think it's great that you want Lucas to be there to help you. I understand and I support you one hundred percent."

As I listened to her speak, I did my best to listen to her objectively, but it almost seemed rehearsed. Lucas was just surprised as I was. He rested his upper body on his knees and kept stealing glances at me.

"Thanks Peyton…I want us to work on a friendship I do…the past in the past." I felt the girl I was back in high school slowly creep back, but I knew that I was better than that.

"Okay great. Uh, I will leave you two alone, got an album to record." Peyton got up and she leaned in to give Lucas a kiss and it was strange. It seemed very awkward. These two were never awkward around me especially not in high school, why would now be any different? When she leaned in, he leaned the other way, and they missed each other. Peyton was finally able to capture his lips quickly and she whispered, 'I love you' in his ear. Instead of saying, 'I love you' back, he just said, 'you too.'

Peyton walked over to me and hugged me. I stiffed a little because I wasn't expecting it, but as opposed to the awkward moment she just shared with Lucas, this hug seemed genuine and I reciprocated the hug.

"Have a good day, Peyton." I said to her.

Peyton waved and left the house.

"Where is everybody?" He asked as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Upstairs getting ready."

Now that he was here, I wasn't sure what we were supposed to do or talk about. I know that he told me he would be here to keep me company so I wouldn't be alone on this day, but I didn't know what we should do when all I really wanted to do was lock myself away in my bedroom and cry myself to sleep…if sleep were to ever happen.

"Is it just going to be me and you?" He asked as we both sat back down. I sat opposite him in the large armchair that made me look like a small child.

"Um, I'm not sure. I told everyone to not worry about me, because I know that you insisted on being here for me. I know that Haley is going to take Lydia with her to the school to start working on a few things. I begged Nathan to take Jamie out because I just don't trust myself to not break down at some point in front of that boy. Millie and Clay may stick around." I finished my coffee and something seemed different about him.

"I am sure this will only make it worse, but do you want to talk about him? I'm sure it will help with this process. I mean have you really mourned his death?" Hearing him ask me that, I didn't know what to say.

I've cried and had breakdowns, but have I mourned and let it _all_ out? No, I've sat out in the rain, walked around like a zombie, but have I mourned? No.

"No." I whispered.

"You told me that you haven't even visited his grave. Maybe at some point, you can do that. It's part of the process. You were there for me when Keith died." He got quiet as he rubbed his palms together trying to hold back his emotions.

Lucas went to the funeral, visited Keith's grave every chance he got, and I didn't and haven't done that yet.

"I'm scared." I said to him.

His blue eyes. They seemed unreal, they were mesmerizing…I got sucked into them as he was trying to read me.

"I just, I just don't want to break down in front of anybody. Honestly, I believe that I just want to be alone today of all days."

"Why Brooke?"

"Because I don't like you guys to see me like this…vulnerable." I said it so softly that I hoped he didn't hear me.

When I looked over at him, his eyes were glancing into my soul.

"Its how I've always seen you, Brooke." He looked down this time and now I was trying to glance into his soul.

"And I think it's kind of beautiful."

We stared at each other and it only brought me back to my dream I had earlier. It was him. It was Lucas who caught me. Those blue eyes were expressing the same passion, love, and concern that I remembered seeing and feeling in my dream. That being around him, being near him, I felt compelled to tell my story.

"I was in Miami with Millicent and Clay." I reached for the blanket behind me and wrapped it around my bare legs.

"We were there for a vacation. I met up with your mom, Lily, and Andy, at the airport. I got to briefly see them."

"Wait…you've been keeping in contact with my mom?" Luke's fists clenched together in his lap.

"Yes…it was by accident…she found out I was leaving, but that's not the point."

Lucas kept his questions back and continued to listen to me.

"After I said my goodbyes to them, I met up with Clay and Millie at a coffee shop. My beach bag that I was carrying caught on the door and as I kept walking, it jerked me back." I couldn't help but let out a short chuckle.

"It was like a slingshot, I fell back quickly and this guy caught me before I fell."

"Julian." He said.

I nodded as the tears began to form in my eyes.

"He was so sweet and I instantly knew that my life was going to change forever…at the time I just wasn't sure in what way." I brought my hand to my mouth as I couldn't control my emotions anymore.

Lucas was by my side before I knew it. He picked me up and placed me in his lap with the blanket now draped over both of us.

"I think you're doing great, Brooke." He whispered in my ear.

There was some pounding down the stairs. When I noticed that it was Clay, I immediately jumped out of Lucas's arms.

"Penny, no, no, please stop crying." He hurried over to me and pulled me into his arms.

"Its okay, Clay, I'm fine, I was just telling Luke about the first time I met Julian." I pulled back from Clay and he smiled.

"Oh how can I forget? It was like watching one of those slapstick comedies." He said and I had to agree with him.

Julian and I exchanged some playful banter alongside my clumsiness.

"I can picture it." Lucas said behind us.

"Brookie, I'm going to stick around her and be with you."

I shook my head furiously.

"No, no, Clay, I love that you and Millicent are here, I do, but this is supposed to be considered a vacation as well for you. I wanted to bring you here to see where I grew up and have a break from the big city, please; it would make me feel better. I told you to not worry about me." I said resting my hands against his chest.

"I know but it's impossible for me not to worry about you, kiddo."

I smiled up at my friend.

"I know, but please, I know that you got some things going on up in here too." I pointed to the side of his head.

"I also know that you like to deal with them on your own. So please, take care of you today, Clay!"

He nodded and pulled me into his arms.

"Okay." He kissed my forehead and nodded towards Lucas.

When I turned around, Lucas had a smile on his face.

"Get dressed. I want to take you somewhere." He said with a smile I haven't seen since high school.

* * *

><p><strong>Thoughts? Where do you think Lucas is taking Brooke? <strong>

**Things to come in future chapters on Nightmare of Choice: ****Lucas writes more and more about Brooke and her story, the letter is found by who and where? The repercussions of the letter, two visitors come to Tree Hill, friendships and relationships fall out but whose? Brooke goes to see Julian's family and grave...does she go alone or does anyone tag along? **

**Stay tuned...it's all coming up! :)**


	11. Turn Your Way

**Hey guys another chapter! YAY! You all are so amazing that I not only updated two chapters for this story, one for A Thousand Years, but I also put up a new story...I know I'm on fire right now...check out I Give a Rat's Ass...something lighter and fluffier than my two depressing stories right now! lol...but enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11: Turn Your Way<strong>

**Sometimes we fall**  
><strong>Sometimes we don't feel the crash at all<strong>  
><strong>Sometimes we break<strong>  
><strong>Sometimes we've taken all that we can take<strong>  
><strong>Lay your burden down by my side<strong>  
><strong>You know tomorrow that sun's gonna rise<strong>

**This world will turn your way**  
><strong>Baby one of these days<strong>  
><strong>This world will turn your way<strong>

**-"This World Will Turn Your Way"-Tyler Hilton**

I wasn't sure what to wear because I had no idea where we were going. So I just decided to keep it casual as he came over in jeans and an Incubus tee. So I decided to wear my Lakers shirt that Julian got me at a game and a pair of skinny jeans and the converse sneakers I stole from Peyton. I said my goodbyes to everyone who was still at the house and along with those goodbyes, I got broken smiles and the '_if you need anything, let me know_.' I was kind of glad to get out of the house and not know where I was headed.

I followed Lucas to Keith's Mustang and he opened the passenger door for me and I smiled at him and crawled into the passenger seat. He was finally in as well and he ran his hand over his newly shaven head, reached for his sunglasses from his visor. Damn, I didn't think to grab my glasses, but as if he read my mind, he leaned across me, opened the glove compartment, and pulled out what I assumed were a pair of Peyton's glasses. I smirked and I saw him grin out of the corner of my eye. He started the engine and the smooth ride began. Our car ride was silent and it was a comfortable silence. Nothing about it was strange or awkward. I actually enjoyed it. The windows were let down, the wind blew in between us and it made me feel free. Free of this nightmare I was not allowing myself to wake up from. The nightmare where Julian was dead, where I felt like I had no soul, I was a walking zombie….but that is the reality, sadly enough.

I began to notice that we were driving out of town. It didn't bother me. My mind started drifting. I didn't get a good night's sleep and this ride, this atmosphere was relaxing that I found myself drifting into a slumber…only to relive a memory I would never forget.

"_Wear me." I said aloud as I dropped the note from my view._

_I looked down in front of me at the midnight blue, strapless, knee length dress made out of satin. It was breathtaking for a plain dress. I could not even begin to imagine how much this cost him, but I wasn't going to complain. _

_I quickly got a shower, fixed my hair and surprisingly found myself pinning it to one side like I wore at Haley and Nathan's wedding the last day I was in Tree Hill. I shook my head forcefully to forget that. I found a pair of nice, black heels that accented the dress, grabbed a formal clutch purse from my closet. I chose to not wear a necklace, but a set of pearl earrings that Keith and Karen got for my birthday the second time around dating Lucas. I was completely speechless because my parents never gave me anything that had sentimental value. Karen told me to pass them along whenever I started a family._

_I took in a deep breath as I went into our common area of the condo and I found another note taped to the front door. I reached up to it and opened it._

"_Go downstairs. Don't forget to lock up." _

_I smirked to myself and did as the note requested. I took the elevator down, met Mr. George, who greeted me with the biggest smile. _

"_Hello George." I said kindly. _

"_Miss Davis, you look radiant this evening, this is for you." _

_I blushed as he handed me another note._

"_Go outside. I love you." I read aloud and butterflies filled my stomach._

_I walked outside and looked around. There was nothing there. I waited a moment and then my breath was taken away. A horse-drawn carriage started to arrive before me. Two gorgeous white horses pulled a black carriage behind them. _

"_Miss Davis, this is your chariot." The driver stepped down and extended his hand to me. I took it and he helped me climb inside the carriage and I found a dozen lilies in the seat next to me. I smiled._

_The carriage started and the ride was peaceful. I wasn't sure where it was taking me, but that was the excitement of it all…not knowing. I gazed outside to take in my surroundings and I still couldn't figure out where it was taking me. _

_Before I knew it, I was by the Atlantic and the driver helped me out as I brought the lilies with me. I gasped at the sight before me. There was a private canopy designed and my amazing boyfriend standing in a nice suit waiting for me._

"_Mi lady." He reached out his hand and I placed mine in his. He kissed it sweetly and led me into the tent._

"_You look even more amazing than I pictured." _

"_Julian what is going on?" I asked him._

"_I did this for you because I love you and I want you to have that fairytale you've always wanted." He leaned over and kissed me softly on the lips and I smiled against his. _

_We began our four course meal with the wine flowing. I was having a fantastic time and couldn't imagine doing anything else in the world at this moment. As we got our dessert, I noticed Julian get up from his place across from me. _

"_Julian?" _

_At first he seemed alarmed which made me panic a little. He knelt down beside me and I couldn't breathe._

"_Brooke Penelope Davis." I could feel his breath hitch in his throat and I had never seen him so nervous._

"_When I first met you, I just knew. I knew that I was meant to have you in my life. At the time I wasn't sure what it would lead to, but I just knew that you were going to always be there until my last dying breath." He smiled and I let out a small chuckle as tears started to form in my eyes._

"_I want to show you everyday for the rest of our lives why you are the only one for me. I want to show you everyday why I am the only one for you." He reached into his pocket, pulled out the little black box of every girl's dream and opened it before me. _

_Instinctually my hand came to my mouth as I gasped._

"_Marry me." _

_He pulled the ring out and held my hand shakily within his._

"_Yes, Julian, yes, yes, a million times, yes!" _

_He slid the ring on my finger and I began to cry so hard that my vision blurred and I could barely see the ring. He scooped me up in his arms and spun me around and held me close. _

I awoke from my dream to humming along with the faint song playing in the background.

"Julian?" I groggily said.

A hand reached over and grasped mine. This wasn't Julian's touch.

"Brooke?"

I closed my eyes and let the small tears cascade down my face. He squeezed my hand and I squeezed back. I twirled the ring around my finger and looked out the window and I had no idea where we were. I looked at the clock and realized that we had been driving for almost an hour.

"I dreamed about when Julian proposed to me. It was like a fairytale." I said quietly.

I looked over at him and with his eyes still focused on the road; I knew he was listening to me. He squeezed my hand for reassurance.

"Tell me about it." He said.

"He bought me an amazing dress to wear; leaving me notes along the way directing me where to go. A horse drawn carriage picked me up and led me to the beach where he had a canopy set up for a private dinner and then he proposed."

"That sounds pretty special, Brooke. Its how I pictured it for you." He spoke softly and I looked over at him.

With my head resting against my seat, my body slightly turned towards him, I observed him. He was nothing like the boy I fell in love with in high school. He was _different_. I couldn't tell what, but in most ways he was the same, but when I look at him, I see the man he's become, not the boy he used to be.

I saw a sign for the Town of Oak Island. I've never heard of this place. It was beautiful and quiet, a lot like Tree Hill. The car began to slow down. I took in everything around us and you could immediately smell the ocean air.

We drove for another five minutes before Lucas parked the car.

"Come on." He said.

We started walking towards the beach. I noticed that the closer we got to the lighthouse there was this area of trees. Lucas reached his hand out to mine. I followed him and once we got past the clutter of trees, there was this open space that led to a small cliff near the ocean.

I was flabbergasted. I had never seen anything like this before. Tree Hill had beautiful beaches, but nothing like this. Lucas shoved his hands in his pockets and sat on the edge of the cliff. I took a seat next to him.

"This is amazing." I said.

He brought his knees up bent slightly and wrapped his arms loosely around them. I sat Indian style next to him. He let out a shaky breath.

"I've never told anyone about this place." He said nervously.

I was at a complete loss for words. He was sharing something with me that nobody else knew about?

"Really?" I whispered.

"I mean my mom and Keith know about it. The first trip I remember as a kid was coming here with Keith and my mom. I guess you could call it my fortress of solitude." He laughed slightly and I smiled.

"This is where I came, Brooke. When you would ask me where I would disappear to or why I shut you out after Keith's death, this is where I would come. It's the first memory I can remember clearly about him. I would come here almost every other day back then and just question everything. I would question life, love, and truth. How could God take someone as amazing as Keith away from me, my mom, all of us?"

We sat in silence for a moment and I noticed tears form behind his eyes even with his sunglasses still on. I reached out to him and placed my hand on his arm.

"I am sure you feel the exact same way about Julian. How can he be taken away from you when you feel like you are only just beginning your life with him? Brooke, I wish and pray that I had all those answers for you." He turned towards me now taking the glasses off his face.

His blue eyes were lost. He was lost just as much as I was and I never noticed it until now.

"Did you ever find the answers you were looking for?" I still had my hand on his arm as we both looked out into the ocean.

"No."

I wasn't sure at first if I even heard him speak.

"But I realized that he is in a better place. He will always watch over me, be with me, that is something that I try to tell myself everyday. He wouldn't want me to wallow and be depressed because he's no longer here. He would want me to try to move on and live my life. I honestly believe that Julian would want you to do the same." He placed his hand on top of mine that still rested on his arm.

"It's so hard." I knew I was about to bring up the past, something I didn't want to talk about, but he was sharing something with me that no one else knows about.

"When I left Tree Hill, I never thought I was going to be able to mend my broken heart. I made new friends, gained people in my life I knew genuinely loved and cared for me, but nothing, not any of those people I loved could mend my broken heart and then one day when I realized that I was falling in love with Julian, it clicked! My heart was no longer broken, shattered, it was whole again." My body started to shake and the arm I had my hand on broke contact and wrapped around my shoulders pulling me into his warmth.

"I lost you…Luke…and losing Julian…I…I don't know if my heart can recover…again, not anymore." I couldn't find my voice.

My body had a meltdown. I began to sob like a child. His arms tightened around me and he began to rock me and he was whispering sshh's in my ear and for the first time his lips came in contact with my skin. The softest of caresses against my forehead and for a moment, I allowed myself to relax. I wasn't sure what was happening but Lucas was becoming my whisperer. It didn't matter what he did or what he could do, he was my pacifier, my security blanket in this darkness that clouded me.

"You never lost me. I was here the whole time. I am always going to be here for you."

The sea air stung my nostrils as the water crashed against the small cliff.

"Thank you." I said quietly.

He chuckled.

"For what?"

"For everything. For this. I might be stealing your spot now." I was trying to find my voice from the harsh sobbing.

I felt his smile against my forehead.

"Seriously, Brooke, I am here. I'm not going anywhere."

It took everything in me to believe him. I looked up at him as he stared out into the deep abyss of ocean. This wasn't the boy I met so many years ago, this was a man that I was only beginning to know, to make myself anew with and I could see him changing as well.

"What?" He said still looking out at the water.

"I don't know you anymore." I said.

"What do you mean?" He turned to face me.

"You're not the boy I knew in high school." I looked away from him and now it was my turn to look out to the blue water.

"Yeah and you're not that girl anymore. Let's get to know each other a little better."

We remained out by the cliff for a little while longer. I talked more about Julian and the more I said and the more questions he asked, I eventually stopped crying about it and I would break out into smiles every once in awhile when I would mention a funny moment I shared with Julian. We would both laugh and he would make comments like, 'I can see you doing that' or 'No that happened?' It turned out to be a beautiful day. We started driving back to Tree Hill and halfway through the drive I turned to look at Lucas.

"Take me to see Keith." I said and he nodded with a smile on his face.

We grabbed some take-out and headed to the cemetery. We both sat around his grave, and started to eat and talk to Keith. We were laughing with each other and I could even picture Keith laughing with us, rolling his eyes up above us.

"It's true. Keith knew it!" He said and took his chop sticks and grabbed a piece of my Tso chicken.

"Ew, I can't believe that! You never told me that!" I cringed a little and blushed at the fact that Keith knew we were having sex in the house one night.

I might have been really kinky back then but not that much to have someone I respected as an adult that heard my screams and moans.

"He didn't _want_ to hear it, but he also didn't want to break it up and end up scarring _all_ of us!" He laughed and I looked up to the sky.

"Keith, I am so sorry that you had to go through that." I shook my head.

"You're smiling and laughing! I can see your dimples again. I must be doing something right." He said as he dug through his container of food.

My face fell at that comment. I was smiling and laughing. I shouldn't be doing that especially with _him_ of all people. It's been Clay and Millicent in my life for the past few years…_they_ should be the ones I should be laughing and smiling with because they were there with Julian…and me. It's too soon to be doing these things when Julian has only been dead for a little over a month now and today of all days is his birthday.

"Is something wrong?" He reached over and placed his hand on my thigh.

"No, it's just…I feel guilty." I placed my food down beside me.

"Damn it, Brooke, don't do this. He would want you to be smiling and laughing and enjoying yourself. You've been talking about him and it got you to smile. It's a good thing."

"With you, my ex-boyfriend?" I looked up at him and his face hardened.

"It doesn't matter who you are with, he would want you to be laughing and being _you_!" He placed his food down by his side and shook his head.

"You asked for my help Brooke and now I feel like it's something you are regretting." He began to stare at me, his blue orbs capturing my dark, amber eyes.

"No, I…no." I began to stumble over my words.

"It's getting late, I should get you back and I need to go see Peyton." He gathered his food and I handed him mine.

"Uh, could you give me a minute?" I asked him.

He nodded and started walking away. I readjusted my position on the ground and I was now facing Keith's headstone and sitting with my legs tucked under me. I rested my hands on my knees.

"I'm sorry."

The atmosphere shifted in the air, I could have sworn it got warmer in an instance.

"You know I wished it was me for the longest time. I just prayed that I could take your place and give you back to Lucas and Karen. I hated that he wouldn't smile anymore and Karen…I have never seen a person so broken before and she was pregnant with Lily." I began to wipe the tears from my eyes.

"But I am sure you already knew all of this seeing as to how you are watching over all of us…at least I hope you are watching over me as well. Could you, uh, do me a favor?" I knew that Lucas was out of ear shot, but I found myself still whispering just in case.

"Just could you look out for Julian? I know he's up there with you somewhere and I hope that you two can find each other and you can exchange stories and just take care of him, please? I miss and love you Uncle Keith everyday and Julian if you are up there…I love you and miss you so much."

It was the first time I found myself addressing Julian after his death. It was progress, right?

"I love you both. Goodbye." I gathered myself and tried to look decent and walked back to the red Mustang that once belonged to Keith.

"You okay?" He asked.

"I'll let you know." I stared out the window as we started back to Nathan and Haley's house.

The car ride was silent but it was nice. Once we pulled into the driveway, Lucas looked over at me.

"It was a good day." He said.

"Thank you, Lucas."

"I want you to know something." He cut off the engine.

"I am not doing this because of my hero complex."

My mouth dropped and I was about to speak and he cut me off.

"No, Nathan and I got into it the other night and…he said that I have this hero complex and trust me I know I do, but I am not doing this for me…I am going to rescue you and pull you out of this darkness for you because I want to, not because I have to, or I am supposed to."

"_Sometimes I wish you could just rescue me."_

"_From what?"_

"_From all of it."_

"_Okay then I will."_

The memory was on repeat in my mind and I found myself believing him…this time. I didn't know what to say. That boy back then couldn't keep his promises to me, but this man before me could possibly keep his promises and the woman I am now has to let my trust rely on it.

"Okay." It was all I could say without breaking down again.

We sat in silence once more and I was about to say something and he spoke first.

"Goodnight, Brooke…get some sleep…you deserve it."

"Goodnight Lucas, tell Peyton I said goodnight as well." I quickly got out of the car and walked inside the house.

It was quiet and I let out the breath I was holding in. I shivered as I was beginning to think some things were going to change…and I just wasn't sure how.

* * *

><p>Today ended up being better than I thought it would. There was so much I wanted to do now and I needed to start with Peyton. I had tried calling her but she wasn't answering her phone. I pulled into Tric and saw her Comet still parked outside. I walked through the bar, nodded towards Chase as he waved and headed to the studio. I opened the door and I watched her. She was laughing at whatever the red headed girl in front of her was saying. She caught sight of me and I waved at her. She began glowing and ran over to me. She wrapped her arms around me.<p>

"I missed you!" She said as she pulled back and kissed me.

I found myself parting her lips as my tongue found hers. Something was _different_. Our kisses weren't the same but I didn't care. I really did miss her today and having her in my arms again felt right.

"How was your day?" We both asked each other at the same time.

"You first." She said.

"Surprisingly good, I think Brooke is getting there, but I feel she is going to take two steps back…again."

Her face crinkled and I felt her tense.

""She wanted me to tell you that she said hey and to have a good night."

She grinned and shook her head.

"Well as long as she is making progress."

"Maybe you could make an effort, prove to her that she is important to you." I said and I knew that I found myself crossing a line with her.

"Yeah." She said softly.

"How was your day?" I asked her.

"Great! I have to admit Luke, that I didn't expect all of this. These artists just want someone to give them a chance and they find that here. It's just amazing." She was on a high right now and I was so happy for her.

She was so nervous when she first started this and my mom and I helped invest and she was busier than we all ever imagined.

"It's your gift. You want to inspire others so you give them that opportunity to thrive and help them share their talent with the world." I said and when she looked up at me, I saw something different about her and felt something different about me.

The emotion and feelings I was sharing with Peyton right now could not even fathom what I shared with Brooke today. I wasn't sure how that made me feel, but everything seemed to be changing, but how exactly?

"I want to take you home and just show you how much I missed you." She said and I had to ask her what's been bugging me since yesterday during my conversation with Brooke.

"Hey are you close to being done? I need to talk to you." I whispered in her ear looking over at the red head that waved.

"I can be…I was just talking to Lyla over there that just started recording today. Mia can close up for me." She kissed me again and went to get Mia.

I turned around and looked around the place. I could see into her office that she hadn't done anything with the boxes of records.

"Let's go baby!" She wrapped her arm around mine and we walked out together.

Once we were outside, I pulled her to the side of the building on one of the balconies.

"Lucas, what's wrong?"

I took a deep breath and turned to face her.

"Peyton, you went to Savannah during the time we broke up…did you see _her_?" I crossed my arms over my chest and her face fell.

She looked down and mirrored my stance.

"I went to see Jake, just to get away…and when I got to his house, Brooke was sitting on the porch reading a book. Jake and Jenny came outside and I saw them leaving together. So I left."

I couldn't believe this. I knew that we weren't together then, but with Brooke being back and everything that is going on, I figured she could have at least told me or mentioned that she saw her and that she was doing well.

"And you never cared to bother to tell me?"

"Luke, we were broken up! I was devastated and I thought being around a friendly face would help me but instead I see my supposed best friend having the time of her life with Jake and Jenny. What was I supposed to believe or think? It made me feel worse." She threw her hands up and started walking away from me.

"It's not that Peyton! It's just you repeatedly made it seem like you didn't know where she was or what she was doing over the years and you knew where she was at some point all along!" I shouted out to her as she kept walking away from me.

"I'm sorry okay! We were not together for over a year and I did my best to block it out and then Lindsey happened…I just…I'm sorry."

I have never seen her like this. She was gradually starting to break and I couldn't have two women in my life having meltdowns. I pulled her in my arms and just held her.

"I'm sorry." I said brushing the hair from her face and making her look up at me.

"What you went through with Lindsey, what I put you through with Lindsey, I am just sorry. I'm sorry I got upset, it's just you know it's me and you and that makes me scared sometimes."

I pulled her into my chest and closed my eyes.

_I grabbed the shot glass and brought it to my lips. Just the smell of the alcohol burned my nose, but I didn't care. She left me to go to California and I was sitting here alone distraught. _

"_To the bitch that left you." _

_I turned to my side to see a gorgeous women with dirty blonde hair take her shot, clink my glass, and drop her glass to the counter and inhaled the shot before I could blink. I copied her actions and then swallowed the hot liquid and nearly choked. I looked over at her and she seemed to be in the same shit hole I was in._

"_Some dick break your heart?" I asked her._

"_Some bitch rip out your heart?" She turned to face me and I smiled._

"_You could say something like that." I nodded to the bartender and pointed to my glass and held up two fingers._

"_Men are pigs."_

"_Women are vixens." I hissed back at her._

"_Seems like we could really make a pair." She grinned and the bartender placed the two shots in front of us. _

"_I'm Lindsey."_

"_I'm Lucas." _

_We clinked our shots, hit the counter top, and slammed back the shots._

Lindsey didn't deserve my confusion either as I just enhanced her reasons to hate men, but she deserved better than me as my heart belonged to another woman then, my Peyton. I had punished Peyton too long and we both made mistakes back then that we both regretted and we did everything we could to get to the point in our lives we are now.

"I love you Lucas. I don't know how else to say it."

"_How about how you show it?" _

I wanted to say it, to use Brooke's words, but I didn't.

"Let's just go home." I said.

* * *

><p><strong>Thoughts! So next chapter you may hate...lol...stay tuned! muwahaha<strong>


	12. What Have I Done?

**A/N: So I am very proud of myself. This chapter I truly enjoyed writing and you might be a little grossed out at the beginning but I kept it to a minimal. Hate it or not, but this was one of my favorite chapters to write and I wouldn't have done it any differently! **

**Enjoy and thank you so much for the wonderful reviews and for being patient as I go through this slow process of getting Brooke and Lucas where they need to be!**

**-Lindsey**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12: What Have I Done? <strong>

**What I've done**

**I'll face myself**

**To cross out what I've become **

**Erase myself**

**And let go of what I've done**

**-"What I've Done" -Linkin Park**

Her arms snaked around my neck and I kissed her passionately. Something was different. Her kisses, her touch, and her warmth it all felt…alien to me. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I wrapped my arms around her small waist and brought her closer to me.

"I love you." She said as her mouth attached to my neck.

Peyton never knew where my weak spots were, the spots that sent me over the edge. I don't know how she couldn't possibly know where my sweet spots were. I knew where hers were, but she never picked up on mine…not like Brooke.

_My hands got lost in her hair. She was digging her hips into mine and when that pretty mouth of hers found my ear…that small space where the bottom of my lobe meets my neck, I thought I would explode in my pants immediately. I groaned furiously and my hands yanked her hair tighter._

"_Well…seems like I found your spot. I'll remember that one." She said between kisses against my neck. _

_My whole body melted into hers. This was only our second make out session and she is making my body feel like pudding. I've never experienced anything like this before. This was going to be it. This was going to be the night I was going to lose my virginity to her, I could feel it and I wasn't going to stop it. Her hands crept down to my pants and her fingers slid slowly into the waist of my jeans. _

"_I want this Lucas, but I want us to wait a little longer." _

_My eyes shot open and I was appalled by her words. She, Brooke Davis, wanted to wait? I was able to find my composure and I brought my hands to her face._

"_Are you sure?" That was a stupid question, but I felt that I should ask anyways._

"_Yes, I…I really like you Lucas, and I don't want this to be a rushed thing between us or anything." She blushed and I felt her shake a little. _

_This girl was surprising me more little by little every day. I kissed her lightly on the lips. _

"_No problem." I smiled against her lips._

I got lost in the memory.

"Lucas?"

I snapped back into reality.

"Yeah?" I looked up at her as her breasts were heaving up and down and she looked flushed.

"Where are you right now?" Her hand rested on my dick…that was not hard.

"I'm sorry, Peyt." I brought my hand to her face and her brow furrowed.

She rolled off of me and went into the bathroom. I don't know what is wrong with me. _Where _am I right now? It's not with her because I've never not been able to get it up with her. Everything just wasn't making sense. She walked back out of the bathroom and I don't know what took over me but I rushed over to her and devoured her lips. I brought us back to the bed and we made love.

She fell asleep after some time and I had to admit that was the worst sex we've ever had. She seemed satisfied as I did my best to enjoy it. It wasn't her, it was me. My head is not where it needs to be, this thing with Brooke was distracting me. It now seemed that I spent every moment of my time thinking about her and worrying about her. I fell asleep finally with the brunette on my mind.

I woke up the next morning earlier than usual with Brooke on my mind again. I figured I would make Peyton breakfast and do my best to act like nothing else was on my mind except for her, which would be a complete lie. I made her favorite: a spinach, mushroom, and tomato omelet. I will not forget when she moved in; we spent a day on house arrest getting to know each other better because it seemed there was a lot we didn't know. She thought pancakes was my favorite breakfast when that was actually Brooke's favorite. I ate so many pancakes when I was with Brooke that Peyton just assumed they were my favorite too. Brooke knew I loved French toast; she would actually sacrifice her pancakes to make French toast for me. Peyton's face fell when she realized that French toast was my favorite breakfast when she never saw me eat it, but she was a quick learner.

"Hey baby, wake up." I placed the breakfast tray across her lap and she turned and smiled.

"Morning." She leaned up and kissed me.

"So I had an idea in mind." I said to her.

"Oh yeah and what's that?" She said with a mouthful of egg.

"I was thinking that I could build you some new shelves in your office for all your records." I said with a genuine smile on my face.

"Luke, you don't have to do that."

"I want to, and besides they mean a lot to you and I want to do it." I said brushing hair from her face.

I knew how much that albums meant to her. Majority of them belonged to Ellie, her birth mother, and they were very valuable to her.

"I love you, Lucas, thank you. I was actually thinking about spending time with Brooke today, if she'll let me." She said with another mouthful of egg as she finished the rest of her juice.

I smiled. I did think that was a good idea. It could give me some distance from Brooke and think about things with Peyton. I was actually going to propose to her this year on her birthday, and lately I've completely forgotten about that. Her birthday was in two weeks and I haven't even thought about it once. I kissed her forehead.

"Babe, I think that's great." I smiled.

"So how about we go to the house together. I'll bring Jamie with me to get supplies for the shelves. You know male bonding." I said and she smiled.

We took a shower together, got ready, I called Haley to see if it was okay for Jamie to spend the day with me and Peyton spoke to Brooke. I knew what Brooke was doing. She told Peyton that she was spending time with Clay and Millicent, but that she could tag along. I knew it was code for she didn't want to be alone with Peyton so she used her friends as excuses. In some ways I was upset by it, but in others I wasn't. I knew they had a blow out at Nathan and Haley's wedding reception before I mentioned the kiss between us in the library. I mean Brooke asked me not to speak to her at all and I didn't do it and they never spoke again after that.

We rode over to the other Scott household that had several residents at the moment.

"It must be a crazy house over there." Peyton said as she rested her head against the window.

"I don't think so. Nathan and Haley actually love having a full household. That house is huge if you remember." I said with a smile on my face.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." She took my hand in hers and I squeezed it.

We made it to their house and I parked the car. Once inside, bodies were everywhere. Jamie was ready to leave with me as he put on what he liked to call his 'work clothes' and Clay had a large picnic basket in his hands.

"Hey Luke. Peyton, nice to see you again." Clay held out his hand towards me and I shook it. He took Peyton's hand in his and kissed it. I looked up and saw Brooke.

Something was different about her. She looked…better. I smiled up at her and she smiled back but it quickly changed when she saw Peyton.

"Hey." She said to Peyton pulling her into a hug.

"I'm glad you called." Brooke was being honest and I did believe she was going to try with Peyton again.

"Me too."

The two women shared a look and then Millicent came behind them.

"I'm ready to explore Tree Hill." She said with a huge smile on her face.

Clay laughed and they all started to leave. Peyton kissed me goodbye and Brooke was the last to leave. I found myself reaching out to her and my hand glided across her arm as she walked out saying bye to me. I turned around to find my brother and sister in law staring at me with crossed arms.

"What?" I asked.

The two looked at each other and shook their heads.

"I am going to tag along…if you don't mind." Nathan said before kissing Haley on the top of her head.

"Sure, I mean squirt over here might just need a little help." I rumpled Jamie's hair before kissing Lydia on her cheek and doing the same to Haley.

We took Nathan's SUV and started driving into town. He kept looking over at me and it began to make me feel uncomfortable.

"What?" I asked him as I was feeling nauseas just having him stare at me.

"What's your deal?" His eyes were back to the road.

"What are you talking about?" I was getting aggravated.

"James, headphones."

Jamie put on his headphones and he listened to the movie that way to drown out our conversation.

"You know we're not stupid." Nathan said.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I turned to face him keeping my voice at a minimal just in case Jamie could hear us at all.

"I think it's great that you are helping Brooke out. I honestly believe she wouldn't have asked for your help if it didn't mean a lot to her, but Luke I'm not blind. I see the way you look at her. I see the way you touch her and hell, I wouldn't be surprised if she noticed all of it too."

I was becoming angry. How dare he say things like this to me?

"You do remember my girlfriend, Peyton, my future wife or have you forgotten about her?" I demanded.

"Oh I know who she is and I know that you are different around her too and if _you_ can't see that then you are in some serious shit, brother." He looked over at me and I couldn't believe we were having this conversation.

"You don't know what the hell you are talking about." I turned my attention back outside as we made it to the hardware store.

Nathan pulled into a parking spot and cut the engine off.

"What I do know is that you never got any closure from Brooke and I believe you still love her whether you admit to it or not but I am begging you Luke don't hurt them. Either one of them." He turned back to Jamie and motioned he could pull the headphones off.

I scoffed and we went into the store to get the supplies we needed. Peyton had the studio closed for the day and we made our way over to Tric and the car ride was silent. Jamie noticed the tension and put his headphones on anyways. Once we were inside Jamie helped lighten the mood up a bit.

"So what can I do, Uncle Lucas, I am ready to get started." He rested his hands on his hips and I thanked God that he was here. If he wasn't then for sure Nathan and I would be arguing all day and we wouldn't be able to get shit done.

"Alright J-Luc, how about you start moving the records over to that corner, while your dad and I get stuff started." I smiled at him and he gave me a high five.

I wanted to change the subject so I started talking about something else.

"So I was thinking about focusing on my next book if you would like to work with Clay some more." I said to Nathan.

He grabbed one of the pieces of wood and sat it on the table to get ready to saw it down.

"You're starting a third one so soon?" He asked turning towards me.

"Well The Comet crashed and burned, and I've had a lot of inspiration lately. I want to focus on that and besides Clay is probably going to be here awhile for Brooke and you two seem to be doing more so than me. It would mean a lot to me." If I had to be honest I really didn't care to be a part of the scouting. I'd rather sit behind the desk and do all the paper work.

I also wanted to write more. After The Comet became unsuccessful, I needed to find something that would flourish my talent and working on Brooke's story, I feel that it would be amazing. For the world to see Brooke Davis as how I've always seen her, I feel her story could inspire others, help others.

"Okay. What are you writing about?" He asked me more concerned than interested.

"Maybe you'll find out soon." I said.

We didn't speak about anything else and we cut on some music and began working on the shelves. It was coming along great and Nathan knew not to bring up the women in my life anymore. Near the end of putting the shelves up and placing the records in their new place, I began to realize that I wasn't even thinking about Peyton at all, not even here where she works, in her office. Was this turning into a bad thing? I remember when I couldn't wait to get home from work or one of our road trips looking for new talent just to be with her, now I don't even find myself thinking about her that often. Was I blaming Brooke's return on that? No, I felt like there was more to it.

I was taken from my thoughts when I heard a slight crash. A box of records fell on Jamie.

"Jamie!" Nathan and I shouted together.

He was fine but there were albums everywhere. Nathan was attending to Jamie to make sure he was okay and I started collecting the albums and putting them back in the box. I reached for The Cure album, a band I could not stand and I noticed something sticking out of it. I became curious. Peyton always told me that Ellie would hide small notes to Peyton in albums surprising her with bits of information about her life. I reached for the piece of paper and quickly shoved it in my back pocket.

* * *

><p>It actually turned out to be a nice day. Brooke was beginning to act a little more like herself or at least how I remembered her. Her friends were great and had so much love for Brooke. It almost broke my heart. I could never lie and say that I didn't miss my best friend. She has been there for me ever since I can remember. We still haven't talked about that last <em>day<em> and I still don't know what is going through her head. As we walked through Tree Hill, we both showed Millicent and Clay our old spots to hang out; we even shared memories from our childhood with them. It was nice to be able to talk to her and reminisce with her. We came across my childhood house and I smiled. So many memories with Brooke I shared in that house. Brooke's face fell a little when I began to talk about my house and about Lucas. I really shouldn't have mentioned his name but I got carried away with my story. Clay and Millicent immediately felt the tension and I know they know everything about the past. How could they not? They were her best friends now and she told her best friends everything.

It was beginning to get late and we started heading back to the house. I would not forget my last memory with her in my house.

_I couldn't get any sleep not knowing where Brooke was or what she was thinking. How could I think that she would be okay with this? How could I think that she would just laugh about it or hell, I don't know thank me for being honest with her?_

_I could feel her presence and I tensed up._

"_Hi. Where'd you sleep?" I asked her keeping my back to her._

"_My car. You see I had this horrible dream last night that my best friend told me she had feelings for my boyfriend. Oh but that wasn't a dream was it?" She was angry and I felt like shit._

_She started to pack her stuff and I really didn't want her to leave. People always leave and Brooke was never supposed to be one of them._

"_Brooke—"_

"_Why now Peyton? Why would you tell me you have feelings for Lucas now when I have so much going on in my life? Stuff you don't even know about!" _

"_Well so do I! Okay, trust me but I didn't wish for this okay, I wished for Jake."_

"_Oh right! You wished for Jake after you wished for Pete and then Lucas." _

_I have never seen her this upset before. This was nothing like the last time. The last time she was just devastated and heartbroken. This time she was enraged and bitter. _

_I just didn't know what to say or do._

"_I can not believe this is happening again." She walked into my bathroom._

"_It's not okay, it's not! It's just the last time—"_

"_The last time. Do you hear yourself right now? The last time you tried to steal my boyfriend." She started walking towards my closet. She was angry. _

"_He's on the door, Peyton! He's on the damn door under me!" _

_I couldn't help but cry, I was losing everything, I was losing her._

"_I don't want to steal him okay."_

"_But you like him." She walked away from me. _

"_Brooke, I'm not going to do anything about it. Okay, I'll just bury it." I had to say something, anything to make this right._

"_You can't! Okay it's out. It's like the time capsule and you could have buried it and not said anything to me so what is that about?" _

"_I don't know alright! I just wanted to be honest with you. Alright I just didn't want to make the same mistake I did last time and you know what you even said last night at Tric that you really didn't miss him!" _

_Her hand went across my face. My body jumped. She has never hit me before. _

"_Don't you dare!" Her finger was in my face, "Don't you dare twist my words around to make yourself feel that you are not a backstabbing two-faced bitch, Peyton, because you are and you know it!" _

_I jumped again at her anger, her rage. I had lost everything in that moment with her. She walked out and I wanted to collapse. I turned to look at the image of the three of us. Me, Lucas, and Brooke aiming at the heart of 3. That was all destroyed now._

The car ride was a little silent and I began to feel a little uncomfortable. In this car it was three against one. I was relieved to see us back at the house and we all got out and walked inside. I looked for Lucas and Nathan walked over to me and handed me Lucas's car keys.

"Hey he wanted to walk home and asked that you just drive his car back."

I looked up at him confused.

"Is something wrong?" I asked him and Nathan just shrugged.

"I don't know his mood changed at one point but he just said he needed some fresh air."

"Is everything okay?"

I turned around to see Brooke standing behind us. I shook my head.

"Yeah." I said with a small smile.

"Peyton today was fun, we should do it again." She was being genuine and I could tell.

I let out a sigh of relief. She pulled me into a hug and I just held onto her for a little while longer.

"Yeah we should. Have a nice night Brooke." I said my goodbyes to everyone and drove home.

I was beginning to get worried or maybe everything was okay. Lucas walks sometimes, he actually enjoys it. I noticed none of the lights were on and maybe he was still out walking. I walked inside and called out for him. I got no response. I walked into our bedroom and I pulled out my sketchbook. I haven't drawn in a long time and I felt inspired.

I sat on the couch and began to draw. I drew a tree in the background and a river across from it and then started drawing the girl standing in between. I drew her standing with a side profile. Her arms were wrapped tight around her and she had a small smile on her face as she looked out across the water. I drew the dimples carefully wanting to express her true form. I wrote at the bottom _everything is going to be okay_. I was startled a little when I felt Lucas's mouth on my ear.

"You're drawing again." He said in a low voice.

"Yeah spending the day with Brooke…I became inspired." I kept my eyes on my drawing.

"I finished your shelves." His lips were on my ear and I closed my eyes tightly.

"Yeah." I breathed out. He was giving me goose bumps.

"Yeah." I felt his arm reach around me and when I opened my eyes I froze.

"And I found your dirty little secret too." He bit my ear hard and my heart stopped for a moment.

In my lap on top of my drawing was the envelope I haven't seen in years. The material that I wished I never knew existed. Lucas pulled away from me and started for the kitchen. I jumped up quickly and followed him.

"Lucas I can explain."

"Shut up!" He yelled at me and turned to face me.

"You shut your mouth!" He pointed at me and I remembered the last time I saw him like this; it was when he discovered that Dan killed Keith.

"Lucas, you don't understand." I went towards him and he held up his hand.

"Peyton if you know what's best for you right now, you'll stay away because honestly, right now, I don't know what I am capable of doing."

I was scared. I have never feared him but right now, I could feel his words hovering over me. I stood still.

"Lucas."

"Did we not just have this conversation a few days ago? Did we not sit here in this house, _our_ house and promised ourselves again that we were not going to lie to each other! Damn it, Peyton! I fucking asked you about the God damn letter and you lied to my face…AGAIN!" He yelled at me and I jumped two feet back.

"Lucas you don't understand, I didn't take it…I—"

"You didn't fucking take it! Then what the fucking hell was it doing in your fucking Cure album?"

I began to cry uncontrollably. There was no way to fix this now, not after everything.

"I can explain."

"Shut up! I don't want to hear any more poison come out of your mouth. We're done!" He held his hands out and gave the final straw.

I ran towards him not caring if he would hurt me. I clutched onto his arm.

"Lucas, please don't do this. You don't understand I didn't take the letter, but yes I knew about it, but I didn't take it! I swear, I wouldn't do that to you."

"Do you hear yourself right now?" Lucas was disgusted with me. It was like déjà vu all over again.

"We promised each other that we wouldn't keep secrets, that we wouldn't lie to each other after everything we've been through and you not only make that promise to me again a few days ago, but you lied to my face and you kept Brooke being back in town from me!" He pushed away from me and I reached for him again.

"It's her, isn't it! Is that what this is all about?"

He turned to face me and his hand raised and for a moment I thought he was going to hit me but he just pointed his finger at me.

"Don't you fucking dare bring her into this! This is about _**me **_and _**you**_!" He walked away from me again and headed towards the bedroom.

He started taking all of my clothes out of the drawers and throwing them into my bag.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I want you out of my house."

I ran up to him again and clung to his arm.

"Lucas please don't do this! Let me explain, please!"

He turned to face me again.

"How can I ever believe a word that comes out of your mouth again, Peyton?" This time his anger subdued, now he was just hurt, crushed, and heartbroken.

"You were fucking there!" He hissed at me.

"You saw me destroy myself, crumble to pieces after she left, but you knew all along the reason why she left! Didn't you?" He demanded of me.

I nodded, there was no point in holding anything back anymore.

"Why Peyton? Why did she leave? If there is going to be any damn truth coming out of your mouth tonight, you answer the question."

I closed my eyes and let out a long breath.

"I told her that I was in love with you." I kept my eyes shut and I could feel his rage radiating from his body and towards me.

"I don't know who you are anymore or if I ever did." He tossed my bag onto the floor above my feet and I jumped back.

"Get out!" He pointed towards the door.

"Lucas."

He looked at me as I began to crumble. I fell to my knees and he just stood there. Before I realized it, his hands were on my arms and he pulled me to my feet.

"Leave Peyton, I can't be around you not right now." He walked out of the bedroom and slammed the door.

With shaky hands, I reached for my bag and walked out his patio door.

"What have I done?"

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><p><strong>YES! I loved it and I hope you did too! Thoughts? Well here's my two cents, I was very proud of myself for mirroring the argument between Brooke and Peyton to Lucas and Peyton...I loved that...anyways...reviews away...I am so curious and excited to hear what you think!<strong>

**Up next: Lucas reads the letter. The next chapter will be focused on Lucas! Stay tuned!**


	13. What Do You Want Me To Say?

**A/N: HELL YEAH! I got soooooooooooo many new people to comment because of the last chapter and that makes me sooooo happy! So HUGE thank you for reviewing it means so much to me! Okay it is getting close to the end of the semester for me and I have 3 10pg papers to write by the end of April so I will be pretty busy with those so ALL Of my stories will be put on hold until the first week of May, but I had started this chapter and figured I would finish it real quick and give you something before I go on a small hiatus! Thanks again guys for sticking around with me and enjoying my work!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 13: What Do You Want Me To Say?<strong>

I don't know what to believe anymore. The woman I was in love with for two years abandoned me. The woman I grew to love the past five years lied to me. Well if Peyton believes that everyone always leaves, then I believe that everyone always lies. I know I am not perfect, but I felt that I spent my time trying to prove to Brooke and Peyton, that I would do whatever it took, that I was trustworthy and that I wouldn't do anything to hurt either one of them, but they both hurt me. Brooke sacrificed our love for Peyton. I know Brooke and I know that if Peyton confessed her feelings then Brooke was going to let her _have_ me. Brooke was selfless, she always has been and she wasn't going to change that for anyone, not even for her best friend. I wanted to shake her, call her crazy like I've always known her to be.

"_Crazy girl what are you doing to my heart?" _

She was always doing something to my heart. I heard Peyton leave and I slumped down in front of the couch. Her sketch along with Brooke's letter lay on the floor. I reached down and picked up both. I haven't seen Peyton draw in years. Her drawing was of Brooke and it was actually quite beautiful. I clutched the letter in my hand afraid to open it. Afraid of what it might say. Afraid that I was robbed a chance at happiness with Brooke. Afraid that she told me she didn't love me anymore and that's why she left. I took in a deep breath and opened the letter that has been sealed shut for five years.

My hands began to shake as I read the letter.

_Lucas, _

_I don't know what to say. I've been sitting in my car outside your house for what seems like hours. I didn't want this, hell, this is the last thing I wanted but I can not bear to get my heart broken again by you or Peyton. I think, no, I feel that I fell in love with you the first moment I laid eyes on you. Look, don't hate Peyton, I mean I know I do but I can't blame her, you know? If it were me in her position I think that deep down I would have done the exact same thing. All I know is I can't do this anymore. I love you Lucas so much that it is slowly eating away at me. I know that if I stayed around and tried to pretend that Peyton doesn't have feelings for you, then I know you would have eventually ended up in Peyton's arms and fallen in love with her all over again, but my heart, soul, and body would not be able to take it, not again. So, this is my last attempt at saving what we have. If you love me as much as I love you then __**fight**__for me. Fight for me like you have been doing all along. I'll be in Savannah with Jake. It's some place I know that you guys would never look for me, but if you get this letter and you see that I am so in love with you that if I can't have you then I can't be around you, but if you love me then come find me and let me know that it's only __**me**__. That I am the only one because I have a feeling that maybe you'll figure out what's been going on. Peyton would have told you why I left and then you will be my Prince Charming, come and sweep me off my feet. I am sorry that I left but if I saw you with Peyton after what she told me, I know that it would kill me. It would crush me and I know that I won't be able to survive. So come find me and prove to me that our love is capable of surviving anything. I'm sorry for not saying goodbye, but I only wish and hope that you will come and be with me and pull me in your arms and say, I love you pretty girl and there is no one else. You're what I wished for Lucas everyday since the moment in your backseat. _

_I love you Lucas and I always will, _

_Brooke_

I hadn't realized that I had been shaking this entire time as I read the letter. It should have crumpled into pieces in my hands, but the flimsy envelope that's been shielding it from the rest of the world protected it. Brooke's words cut through me like a knife. If I wasn't on my medication I was sure that I would have a stroke, and would die right now. What have I done? What has happened? Everything with Brooke, everything I had with her is now destroyed. Is there any way to fix that? Is there any way to prove to her that if I had known then I would have ran to Savannah if that's what it had taken for me to prove to her that it was _only_ her.

How could Peyton do this to me? Was she really that selfish that she would do this to Brooke…to me? I was angry at both of them, Brooke for leaving and Peyton for lying. What do I do now? I had convinced myself for the past five years that Brooke was never coming back and that she didn't want or love me anymore. What the hell am I supposed to do with this new found information? I had to talk to someone; I had to get some perspective on this. I reached for my phone and I had been crying to so hard that I was barely able to see the number I was trying to dial.

"_Hello?" _

I didn't realize how late it was, but I didn't really care.

"Um, hey, it's me. I really need you right now…I…I don't know what I'm supposed to do." I said through sobs like a child.

"_I'll be right over." _

The phone went dead and I rested my head against the couch. I only hoped that some advice from someone else would help me. I only hoped that I have not ruined my life for believing what I've known to be true over the past five years, because now everything is a lie, it was tainted and I don't know how I am supposed to get past this.

Shortly after the phone call there was a small knock on the door. I wanted to speak but I couldn't find my words. After some time, the door opened.

"Luke."

"In here." I didn't even sound like myself.

"Luke, where's Peyton?"

"I told her to leave. I can't believe she did this to me. How could she do this to me?" I looked into the caramel eyes that were staring at me with love and concern.

"What happened Lucas? Talk to me." She ran her hand through my hair and pulled me into her chest.

"She lied to me. After everything, she lied to me, kept secrets from me. How could she do this?" I couldn't keep it all in anymore. I was trying so hard to hold back my emotion but everything in me was falling apart. I felt that at any moment I was going to break.

"What happened Lucas?" She asked me again.

"Peyton had Brooke's letter. She's had it this entire fucking time and she kept it from me. All Brooke wanted was one last moment of my chivalry and I failed her. If I had gotten that letter then I would have gone after her. I would have pulled her into my arms and never let her go again. I can't believe this happened." I cried uncontrollably in her small arms and she held me.

"Lucas I…this isn't Peyton's fault."

I pulled back from her and couldn't believe she was defending her.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

She folded her hands in her lap and she began to fidget.

"Haley what are you not telling me?"

"Nathan took the letter and gave it to Peyton to keep."

I shot up immediately. So not only did Peyton lie to me, but Haley and Nathan, the two people I thought I would never have trust issues with have been lying to me this entire time.

"Why would he do that? Why would you both do this to us?"

She stood up in front of me with her arms crossed.

"We did it for **her** and for **you**!"

"How? Why? You obviously knew why she felt. You both were the ones that stayed in contact with her, you knew everything and you did that to us! You are supposed to be my best friend! Her best friend!" I lashed out at her.

"Lucas, damn it, I could not stand to see her in that kind of pain. I couldn't stand to see you in pain either, but it seemed that Peyton was always the reason to hurt her and you let her do it to Brooke! You were so selfish and stupid!" Haley pushed into my chest and I couldn't believe she was saying things like this to me.

"She asked you Lucas, one simple question and that was to stay away from Peyton! You couldn't perform one simple task and stay away! Did you ever for once just think or wonder why Brooke would have asked you to stay away from her best friend! You were there so I am sure you aren't that stupid to forget!"

I wasn't sure I could handle anything else. I wasn't sure I could bear to hear the truth Haley was enlightening me with. She was right; maybe if I had just done what Brooke asked me do then she probably wouldn't have left at all. Maybe she would have stayed and we could have talked about it, worked through it. I slumped down to the floor again and Haley came with me.

"I would have rather seen Brooke hurt because you never showed up then to have you run after her, convince her to come back and then something else happen to destroy her even more. I love you both so much Lucas, but Brooke never deserved to have what happened to her between you and Peyton twice, I might add."

I buried my face into my hands. Was I that awful of a person, boyfriend to Brooke?

"How did I let this happen?" I looked over at Haley and she shook her head.

"I don't know Lucas. I think life throws us trials and tribulations for a reason. Maybe this was supposed to happen. I am sorry, I am so sorry that Nathan took the letter and that I let him. I am sorry that we dragged Peyton into this but it happened. I was so angry with her for so long, but all the blame doesn't fall on just her. I don't regret my decision because Lucas if she did come back and you broke her heart, I would have broke your neck!"

I know she was trying to lighten up the mood, but I wasn't laughing. I didn't find any of this funny. I needed to talk to Brooke. I needed…I don't know what I need anymore.

"What are you thinking?" She asked me.

"I don't know." I said quietly. I really don't know.

"What happened with Peyton?"

Discovering that Peyton wasn't the one who actually took the letter made me feel a little worse about the way I treated her, but my rage at her selfish actions of telling Brooke that she was in love with me was not forgivable.

"I yelled at her. I told her it was over. So how long after the reception did you know Peyton told Brooke she had feelings for me?" I looked over at Haley and she shook her head.

"A few months. I knew it had to do with Peyton, she told me that much, but Brooke wouldn't really talk about it but I was able to drag it out of her. Hell, I even confronted Peyton about it."

I was still having such a hard time processing all of this. I had been in the darkness about the truth for years while everyone else knew the truth.

"I have to talk to Brooke. I need to talk to Brooke."

"Lucas I don't think that's a good idea."

"Haley, you kept her away from me for five years. Don't tell me what to do right now." I got up and started heading out the door.

"Fine, let me drive."

The car ride was silent and awkward. It was really late at night and I had no business bothering her.

"I'm just going to sleep on the couch and then I'll talk to her tomorrow." I said still looking out the window.

"Okay." She said in a whisper.

We reached her house and went inside. It was silent and Nathan was sitting in the kitchen holding a sleeping Lydia. We made eye contact and if my look at one could kill, he would drop dead.

He asked Haley something and she just shook her head. They went off to bed and I went into the living room. About thirty minutes went by and I still couldn't sleep not after everything that has happened in the last couple of hours. My skin was crawling knowing that Brooke Davis was only a level above me under the same roof.

"What have I done?" I said as I lowered my head into my hands.

I looked up and took the stairs quietly to her bedroom. I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't even be here not after today. I opened her door quietly and peered inside. She was actually sleeping. I wonder how long she's been able to sleep through the night. I walked over to her and she almost looked peaceful. I saw on the nightstand, she had a copy of my book. There was a page bookmarked and I picked it up.

_I am not sure where she is or what she is doing, but if she's out there and she happens to read this, then here's my words to her. Brooke Davis, she was fiercely independent. Brilliant and beautiful and brave. In two years she had grown more than any one I had ever known. Brooke Davis is going to change the world someday and I'm not sure she even knows it. She left so suddenly from my life and I just hope that she knows that this is how I've seen her, how I've known she was going to change the world and the world wasn't going to stand a chance. Brooke Davis was my soul mate and Brooke Davis wherever she is, I know she'll be a soul mate for another. It's what she deserves and it's what she'll gain._

I shut the book as I couldn't read anymore. This book would have been written so differently if I had known what I know now. I tried my best to put the truth in my words that are forever embedded in this novel. When I wrote this novel I had fallen in love with Peyton and it was my love letter to her, so I didn't want to spill everything about Brooke. I didn't want all of my feelings to be exposed about Brooke. I placed the book back on her nightstand and looked over at her.

She looked so peaceful. I am sure if she were to wake right now, she would freak thinking I was a freak creeping in on her watching her sleep. She would probably tease me like she used to do, I closed my eyes.

_It turned out to be an amazing day. The sun was shining through the window cascading around Brooke's naked body. Brooke was beautiful and I couldn't picture waking up any other way. Her bare back was displayed before me and I couldn't help run my fingers softly over her skin._

_She moaned a little and turned her head towards me still in a deep sleep. I smiled. I watched her sleep wondering what danced inside her head, what dream she was lost in right now. She smiled._

"_I thought we had a little talk about this not too long ago. It's creepy and pervy to watch someone while they're sleeping." She said with a smile on her lips._

"_Well then I've got a serious problem because I love watching you sleep." I reached down and kissed her hoping we can have more days like this to come._

I walked over to the other side of the bed and lay down beside her. I didn't get under the covers with her; I just wanted to lie next to her. I wanted to forget everything I've learned tonight. She turned towards me but she didn't wake. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. I only hoped that when she woke up, she wouldn't freak out. There was so much I needed to say and so much I wanted to know.

I woke up to the sun blinding me. I placed my hand over my eyes and felt something against my stomach. She had managed to roll over and lay her arm over my waist. I found myself rubbing her arm up and down.

"Mhhmm…" She said in her sleep.

Maybe I should just slip out and not let her know that I slept in her. She lost her fiancé; she's in a vulnerable place. I shouldn't be here. When I went to move, her arm tightened around me.

"Don't leave me again." She mumbled in her sleep. I knew she was talking about Julian, the pain on her face said it all. I shouldn't be here, I was so stupid to come in here and sleep next to her.

I went to move again but she tightened her grip and buried her face in my chest.

"Brooke, wake up." I said softly into her hair.

She stirred and just tightened her grip.

"Pretty girl open your eyes." I felt her whole body stiffen.

She looked up at me and I knew that I was about to get scolded but I didn't care. She pulled away from me and looked around me.

"What are you doing in here Lucas?" She pulled the sheet tighter around her and I sat up next to her.

"I don't know. I'm sorry, I…some things happened last night, and I just needed to talk to you." I looked over at her and she ran her left hand through her hair. I noticed her engagement ring was gone.

"Okay but what were you doing in the bed with me?" She looked back over at me and I was surprised that she wasn't upset with me.

I let out a long sigh.

"Brooke, it is really important that we talk. Please? How about I make breakfast or something and you take a shower." I reached out to her and placed my hand on hers.

"Lucas you're scaring me. Is everything okay with Peyton?"

I removed my hand from hers and she was staring at me. She knew something was wrong and I couldn't help but let angry tears fall down my face. I got up from the bed and started towards the door.

"I'll make you some pancakes." I was about to leave but she stopped me.

"How about French toast?"

I smiled to myself and nodded as I left. I quietly walked downstairs and found Nathan eating a bowl of cereal. I wasn't in the mood to talk to him. I found most of my anger now directed towards him.

"Say it." He said never once looking at me.

"What's there to say?" I said bitterly gathering the ingredients for Brooke's breakfast.

"Haley told me."

I slammed the bowl down on the counter.

"I understand why Haley did it, but you Nate? You saw me, you were there with me! I mean did any of you think about the fact that I was slowly killing myself and needed Brooke back badly? That I would have done anything just to see her face again?" I just wanted to punch him in the face.

He was there to help pick up the pieces that were scattered all over the place. He's the one who told me that I had every right to be upset. Was all of that a lie too?

"I wasn't sure what to do at first Lucas. I hadn't spoken to Brooke for at least a few weeks after she left and that first day when I showed up at your house. I saw the letter and I was afraid of what it might say. I was afraid that it was going to say things that would upset you and make things worse. I didn't know what was going on. After I spoke to Haley about Brooke, I knew I was making the right decision. Peyton got involved on accident. She saw me with the letter and it just sort of happened that she kept it." He finished his cereal and walked over next to me.

"A part of me also believed that things would have ended badly between you two anyways. Somehow Peyton would have been brought back into the picture. Don't for one damn second think that it wouldn't have happened if Brooke never left. You remember what you said to me when you decided to try again with Peyton."

I wanted to kick myself for what I said.

_I knocked on their door and my palms were sweating._

"_What's up man?" He opened to door wider for me to come in. _

_I saw Haley holding baby Jamie in her arms and I immediately smiled. _

"_Hey I was wondering if I could talk to you." I said to Nathan. _

_He nodded and we walked out to the patio. _

"_What's going on?" Nathan asked me._

"_You ever wonder if we chose the right paths." My knee started bouncing._

"_What are you talking about?" He laughed slightly._

"_Well you know I was head over heels for Peyton the start of junior year. I mean I remember being a little obsessed with her." This time I laughed._

"_Oh yeah I remember, you wanted to steal my girlfriend." He lightly punched me in the arm and I grinned._

"_Yeah, well I mean things changed when I met Brooke. I fell in love with her and after everything that happened with Peyton…I don't know…now that Brooke is gone, maybe I should have chose Peyton then too." _

_Nathan leaned up on his knees and looked over at me._

"_So what are you saying that you never really loved Brooke?" He seemed a little pissed at this and I shook my head violently._

"_No, God no, I loved Brooke, I think I still do, I just…maybe it wouldn't have been less heartbreaking if I chose Peyton…I think I'm falling in love with her again." I said and Nathan smiled._

"_Well it was only a matter of time right?" Nathan said and I felt that he saw this happening._

"_Yeah, I mean I always thought I was destined to be with Peyton, maybe this was supposed to happen." I said smiling at him._

I did say those things, but that was when I believed that Brooke stopped loving me. That was when I thought that she was never going to come back and that she didn't want me anymore.

"Yeah well guess what Nate, this entire time she did want me. She wanted me to be with her, but you robbed me of that." I slammed the pan on the stove and he shook his head.

"So now what Luke? You going to tell her that if you had known that you would have been there? Are you just going to forget about Peyton? What is your plan Lucas?" He demanded.

I didn't know what the plan was. All I know is that Peyton has ruined what we have and what we could have had. My feelings for Brooke are all over the place that I don't even really know what they are anymore.

"I don't know." I said softly.

"Whatever Luke, just remember why Brooke is back in the first place." He placed his bowl into the sink and walked away from me.

He was right. Brooke was here because she lost the man she was going to marry. She needed to be around people that cared about her and her well being. Was I just going to be selfish bringing up the past and my feelings? Should I risk it and make her more upset than she already was?

"Luke?"

I snapped my head around to find Brooke standing right next to me.

"Are you okay? I've been calling your name for a little while?" She said with a soft smile.

"I just have a lot on my mind." I said turning my attention back to the breakfast.

"Obviously." She walked to the fridge and pulled out the milk and OJ.

We moved around the kitchen like it was routine. It would never get old between us. I made her a plate and I sat next to her on the kitchen island.

We sat in silence and she picked at her food.

"Brooke, eat please." I said not once looking at her.

"I would but you are scaring me a little."

I looked over at her and I could see it in her eyes. She was scared and nervous at what may be bothering me. If she only knew. I wasn't sure what to do. Now I was scared.

"Lucas please just tell me."

"Why don't you?" I snapped at her.

She turned her whole body to face me and her hands were resting in her lap.

"Excuse me?" She asked baffled.

"Why don't you finally tell me the real reason why you left all those years ago? And don't try to deny it. I know everything." I finished my breakfast and started cleaning up the dirty dishes.

"What do you want me to say?" She asked and I couldn't believe her.

"How about you walk me through it? What were you feeling? How did Peyton telling you that she loved me make you feel?" I wanted to know what was going through her head at that moment.

"What does it matter?" She asked quietly.

"What does it matter?" I mocked her completely appalled that she didn't think it mattered.

"It matters Brooke because I was robbed at a chance to finally be happy with you! Everyone lied to me! I finally found your letter and I read it. Damn it Brooke I would have fought for you, I would have crawled to Savannah and crawled back with you!" I couldn't do this. I thought I could, but I can't.

"I have to go." I said as I did my best to not let the tears fall.

"What? You can't just say things like that to me and leave!" She said as she followed me towards the door.

"Really Brooke because that's what you did! Oh wait, no, you didn't say anything! You just left!" I yelled back at her.

"What the hell is going on here?"

I looked over Brooke's shoulder and saw Clay walking towards us. I shook my head as I couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

"I'll say this much Brooke. I loved you so much back then that it nearly killed me to not have you here and I am sorry that I didn't listen to you and stay away from Peyton, but damn it I would have given anything to just have you in my arms again. I just can't do this right now."

Tears streamed down her eyes and I knew that if I stayed any longer, I would have pulled her into my arms and held her until the world ends. I started walking. I didn't know where I was going or what I was going to do. I wasn't sure what I was expecting to happen with Brooke, but once I opened my mouth and saw the look on her face, I couldn't take it any longer.

I just kept walking and finally ended up back at my house. Once I was inside, it was cold and lonely. Nothing about this home was warm anymore. It was empty, shallow, and cold. My phone started ringing and I didn't want to speak to anyone. I didn't even to check to see who it was. It rang four more times and then stopped. I crawled into my bed and pulled the sheets over me. I felt helpless. I felt like that high school boy I tried so hard to forget because that high school boy was pathetic and let a girl break him. I was lost and I wasn't sure how I could recover from this.

I lay in bed for a little over an hour still under the sheets just listening to the birds outside. I heard the door to my patio open and I froze. I wasn't sure who it was, but then I felt the bed shift. Then there was a hand on my back. I knew who it was but I didn't move. Then the bed shifted once more and then the covers were being pulled back. I felt her scoot close to me. My back was to her but she was lying next to me under the covers. I didn't say or do anything. Maybe she thought I was asleep.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

I didn't move. I just listened.

"That was so long ago and we both moved on, but this entire time I thought you knew about the letter and Lucas, I don't know what you want me to say or do."

I felt her body start to shake as she began to cry. I shouldn't have done it, but I turned to face her and she looked up at me with those hazel eyes. The tears started to fall around the scar on her face and I brushed them away and I found myself starting to cry as well. I scooted closer to her and she closed her eyes. I pulled her into my arms and I just held her. We stayed like that for hours eventually falling into a slumber.

Was I still in love with her? Was I still suppressing the want and need to be with her? So much has happened since then that time can only help me figure this out. I wasn't sure where this was going to take us…or take _**me**_, but I just knew that nothing was ever going to be the same again.

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><p><strong>Thoughts? I believe I did justice in portraying why Nathan and Haley did what they did. I hope that was okay with everyone but trust me this story will get better and helps brings Brooke and Lucas closer. I realize that it is like a little over a month since Julian's death, but we'll get there! But what does all this mean for Lucas? In the next chapter, I believe I am going to have Brooke and Lucas talk to Peyton separately. After everything Brooke has just learned, she takes a trip to see Julian's grave! Stay tuned guys and follow story for the next update :)<strong>


	14. Epiphany

**A/N: So just wanted to say a few things and I hope you read this! I enjoy reading the mixed reviews on the last couple of chapters. I hope I have cleared up a little more what is going on through Brooke's mind as she talks about the letter with Lucas and what she was feeling then. Also, I hate to say this, but i am taking three different literature classes right now that have completely different genres and topics so I feel like I project whatever we read in my classes through my work, so I apologize if sometimes it's confusing or contradicting. Everything I read and what we discuss in class is so fresh on my mind! Lol, but this chapter is boom in your face! I want to speed up this story a little because seriously I am over Peyton and Lucas and I want Brooke to be happy again! So here we go enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 14: Epiphany<strong>

"**Every minute from this minute now  
>We can do what we like anywhere<br>I want so much to open your eyes  
>'Cause I need you to look into mine"<strong>

**-"Open Your Eyes" Snow Patrol**

I woke up and saw him sleeping peacefully next to me. What does all of this mean now? I took off my engagement ring after Lucas took me to his secret spot. I really didn't think it meant anything, just that I can't live in this nightmare any longer. Julian is gone and there is nothing I can do about it, but when Clay noticed it was missing, that was a conversation I did not enjoy.

"_I'll say this much Brooke. I loved you so much back then that it nearly killed me to not have you here and I am sorry that I didn't listen to you and stay away from Peyton, but damn it I would have given anything to just have you in my arms again. I just can't do this right now." Lucas closed the door behind him and I turned to face Clay._

"_What the hell was that about?" He asked and he walked over to me and pulled me into his arms._

"_I just, I don't know what to do anymore." I sobbed into his chest._

_Clay pulled back and took my hands in his. He ran his fingers over my bare ring finger and frowned._

"_You're not wearing your engagement ring anymore?" _

_I pulled out of his arms and stepped back a bit._

"_No." I said burying my left hand in the sleeve of my robe._

"_Brooke what is going on?" He asked me with his arms crossed against his chest._

"_Nothing, Clay, I am doing what you all wanted me to do and that's to put the pieces back together and move on." I said walking away from him._

"_Yeah, I just feel like you took it off for other reasons." _

_I turned to face him and he gave me a disappointed look._

"_Oh yeah and what reasons would that be?"_

"_I don't know, but based on what Lucas just said, my best guess would be him." He pointed to the door Lucas just exited._

"_You don't know what you're talking about! I love you, Clay, I really do, but you don't know anything about my past with Lucas than besides what I've told and correct me if I'm wrong, but that's not much!" I spit back at him and started to walk away._

"_Brooke, I just worry about you. I have seen what Julian's death has done to you and I don't want you to get hurt again." _

_I stopped at the bottom step of the stairs and turned to face him._

"_I know." _

"What are you thinking?"

I jumped in surprise because I didn't realize he was awake. His eyes were still closed, but apparently he knew I was awake.

"Nothing." I said barely above a whisper.

"You kept the stars." I said as I looked up and saw the stars and my one lonely planet still plastered to the ceiling.

"Yeah. I saw no reason to take them down." He said as he started to draw circles along my back.

We lay in the bed in silence a little bit longer staring at the ceiling until I spoke again.

"What happened with Peyton, Luke?"

He shifted uncomfortably beside me but his arms never moved from around me.

"I ended things with her."

I sat up in the bed and looked over at him. He was staring at my scar, but not in a disgusted way, but in an admirable way. I looked away from him.

"Why did you do that?" I asked him.

This time he sat up and let out a thundering sigh.

"Why didn't you come to me about Peyton's feelings?" He let out a rough scuff and got out of the bed.

"You know I called you! I called you everyday but you never answered and then after reading that damn letter…Brooke what the hell? You wanted me to come for you…why didn't you answer when I called?"

I got out of the bed and walked over to him and pushed him.

"I changed my number! God Lucas I was a mess, a complete and total mess because believe it or not, I not only felt inferior to you, I felt inferior to her! She always had a piece of you! You were always there for her! You saved her from the school shooting that day! You called Jake for her when she was having a rough time! You sent her stupid artwork to that stupid magazine company! You always saved her and that made me feel like I could never have that part of you so deep down I guess if I told myself everything I poured into that letter that it would click inside that thick head of yours that my entire being belonged to you and that maybe you could open your damn eyes and save me!" I pushed against his chest as hot tears stormed down my face.

After the first time Peyton and Lucas cheated on me it killed me because I believed that it was always going to be Peyton. Then Lucas and I became friends again and I believed that he succeeded in finding himself again after losing the pureness he possessed. He then professed his love for me on the beach in front of everyone and I just knew that he was the one for me and I was the one for him. Then when Peyton confessed her feelings to me and then Lucas brings up the kiss, I started to slowly crumble because then I didn't know what to believe anymore. So I wrote that letter in wishes and hopes that everything was real, that I wasn't just being stupid in believing that maybe, just maybe I had been wrong.

"You told me to fight for you, Brooke. I did. I fought for you every damn day! I am sorry if Peyton seemed like an obstacle for you but that was never the case with me. The thing is Brooke you never fought for me! You always ran away! How do you think that makes me feel?" He held his hands out trying to distract me from seeing the tears well up in his eyes.

"I just…I don't know." I sat on the edge of the bed and placed my head in my hands.

"You are the one who walked away Brooke, remember that!"

I looked up at him and he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked him.

"I feel like my heart is about to explode after all this new found information and I…just need to be alone." He closed the door behind him.

I lay back on the bed and just started crying. I was crying uncontrollably. I saw my purse on Luke's desk and I reached for my phone. I dialed a number I knew by heart and a number I haven't dialed in some time. It went straight to voicemail of course.

"I just needed to hear your voice. I don't know what I am doing anymore. I thought coming home was the right move for me but I feel like I am making my life and everyone else's in such a bigger mess. Why did you leave me? I just want you to come home but I know you can't. I miss you Julian and I love you." I hung up the phone and threw it back in my purse.

I knew it was sick and twisted to call his cell phone that I have refused to turn off because I still enjoy hearing his voice. Videos make it worse, but sometimes listening just to his voice helps me.

I wasn't sure what I should do now. Should I wait for Lucas? Should I just go back to Haley's?

"Damn it." I pulled my hair back into a ponytail.

I started to twiddle my thumbs. I grabbed my purse and keys and drove back to Haley's. I walked inside and Clay was eating a sandwich and Millie was talking on the phone with Mouth.

"Wow, okay, just the two people I was looking for." I sat my purse on the table and looked at both of them.

"Mouth, I'll call you back." Millie said and turned her attention back to me.

"Brooke what's wrong?" Millie asked me as she reached out for my hand.

"Yeah Penny, what's wrong?" He said through a mouthful of food.

I was able to crack a smile at his childishness.

"I think it's time I go see Julian."

* * *

><p>I just started walking. I should have driven, but walking was always the best solution to clear my head. I had been walking for about fifteen minutes and finally got a response from the text I sent earlier. I had finally reached my destination and knocked on the door.<p>

The door quickly opened and I furrowed my brow and walked past her.

"I was surprised to hear from you so soon." She said nervously.

"Yeah well I've had a little time to cool down but not really. It seems that I have a right to be pissed off at everybody now I am very disappointed in you." I turned to face her and crossed my arms over my chest.

She walked over to me and went to touch me but I stepped back. She took two steps back defeated and let her head hang low.

"God Lucas. I'm sorry, I just…I thought I was doing the right thing especially if Nathan and Haley did…I just…I couldn't stand to see you in so much pain!"

"Yes Peyton, pain that you helped cause! I mean did you think that by helping drive her away like that, that it would lead me into your arms? Was that your plan all along? Did it help taking her letter from me to fuel your plan in making me yours?" I raised my voice at her and she shook as she took two steps back.

I didn't enjoy making her twitch in fear of me, but it's just how I felt and I wanted it made clear how upset and crushed I am about this.

"No it was never a plan to steal you Luke or make you mine. I just wanted Brooke to know because I didn't want a repeat of what happened between us the first time."

"Damn it, Peyton the first time. How can you even compare anything else to the first time? The first time I had this dream of you, this image that I was meant to be with you because you were mysterious and like me in so many ways but your bubbly, best friend stole my heart and it completely took me by surprise. And guess what? I fell in love with her and realized that I only saw you as a friend, but I guess having Brooke leave made _you_ second choice!" I snapped turning my back to her.

"What?" She breathed out.

I just realized what I said to her. Did I mean that? Was Peyton really a second choice? I took in a deep breath and what I was about to say to her was going to wake both of us up.

"Peyton, I think I have been lying to myself this entire time. Even though I believed that Brooke didn't want me anymore, I just buried every feeling I consumed for her. I'm in love with her Peyton." I turned around to face her.

The color drained from her face.

"I don't think I've ever stopped loving her and being around her lately has only helped open my eyes that I've missed her and that I was slowly realizing that maybe I didn't love you like I love her."

She sunk down to the floor and I wanted to go to her and pull her back to her feet but it would do no good.

"You don't mean any of that. You're just angry and upset with me, but you can't not have ever been in love with me." She said through sobs and it was like a bomb went off in her. She ran over to her bag and started digging through it.

With force she pulled out her many copies of my books that she purchased over the year we weren't together when I was dating Lindsey.

"You said I was great!" She threw one book at me.

"You said we could be great!" She threw another one at me and I backed up.

"Peyton!"

"You said we were destined to be together!" She threw another and another.

"You said it to the world. You said it to me and I wished you never had because you obviously did not mean any of it!" She yelled at the top of her lungs and I've never heard her use such force with her words.

"Well it looks like we all lie, Peyt, just like how we all leave." I started walking past her.

"So was I your Comet Luke?" She said breathlessly.

"Honestly Peyton, I'm not sure, but not that I owe you anything now after all the damage _you_ have caused, but there was some truth in my first book…I think in another life you and me might be meant for each other, but not in this one. Not. In. This. One." I walked out of her room, closed the door, and started out of the hotel.

I started walking back to my house and I needed to tell Brooke how I felt and that I will do whatever it takes for her. If she only wants me as a friend then I can live with that, but I am tired of having other people control my life, control my destiny. I picked up my pace and began to jog home. I got back to my place and once inside I noticed Brooke wasn't in my bedroom anymore.

"Brooke?" I called throughout the house and she was gone.

I reached for my phone and called her. It rang and rang and I got no answer.

"Shit." I grabbed my keys and started driving to over to the Nathan Scott household.

It felt like I was driving five miles per hour, the drive was devastatingly long. Once I managed to get to the house, I killed the engine and hurried inside.

"Brooke?" I called out and I got no answer.

"Damn it, somebody has to be here." I started walking up stairs and I was stopped by a small voice.

"Lucas?"

I turned around to find Millicent. She was a peculiar girl, but I saw why Brooke loved her. She pushed her glasses further up her nose and walked towards me.

"Where's Brooke?" I asked her.

"She and Clay went out to grab a few things. They should be back soon." She dragged her suitcase from around the staircase and I crinkled my nose.

"Are you leaving so soon? I thought you were staying for another week?" I asked as I saw her having difficulty with her bag.

I rushed over to her and took it from her.

"Thank you." She blushed.

"Um no, well, yes, um, Brooke, Clay, and I are going to California for a few days." She said as she smoothed out a wrinkle on her white, cotton dress.

"What's in California?" I asked her and her face fell. Did I say something wrong?

"Julian." Her voice was quiet.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know, but that's great though right?" I wasn't sure what I should say. I didn't know Millicent very well but I figured that Brooke was taking a step in the right direction for herself.

"No it is, I just, the last time I was there it was his funeral and I was upset that Brooke didn't come with me. It was just a difficult time."

I walked with her into the kitchen.

"She must have really loved him." I said with a hint of sadness in my tone and on my face and when I looked up at her she smiled and blushed again.

"She did, but I believe she really loved you as well. I mean I barely know you and I obviously didn't know you back then but I just knew that she loved you by the way she would mention you some or when your books were published. You know I believe she was first in line at Barnes and Noble in New York to purchase your books." She said with a small chuckle.

A bright smile spread across my face.

"Really?" I asked her.

She nodded.

"Julian knew all about you too. To be honest with you." She looked over her shoulder towards the door and then back to me.

"Julian admired you."

I was dumbfounded.

"What? Why?" I asked him.

"Well you know Julian was a huge movie producer and he loved your first novel. He admired everything about it especially how you wrote Brooke. I have to admit myself I kind of developed a crush on you too after reading your book." She blushed again and I couldn't help but blush too.

"Ah, well thanks. I don't know what to say." I became slightly uncomfortable and shameful.

This man I never got the chance to meet, admired me and yet here I was about to tell his fiancée that I have never stopped loving her and that I will do whatever it takes to show her love is possible to find again. I was about to speak when Brooke and Clay walked back inside the house. They were laughing and it was so good to see her laugh again. She stopped though when she saw me.

"Lucas?"

I looked over at Millicent and she smiled.

"Clay, why don't I help you?" Millicent bounced from her chair and walked over to Brooke taking the bags from her hands and tugging Clay away who had a confused look on his face.

"What are you doing here?" She asked me.

"I'm…" I didn't know what to say now after talking to Millicent.

"Brooke, I am always going to be here for you, no matter what has happened or what will happen okay." I placed my hands on her arms and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

She looked up at me and smiled.

"Thanks Lucas, what has changed since this morning when we last spoke?" She crinkled her nose as she just glanced at me.

"Millicent told me that you're going to see Julian. That's good, Brooke." I said smiling as I crossed my arms.

She smiled and then her face fell a little.

"I just, I should have been there when they buried him and I feel so guilty and awful. It's what I need to do and I need to do it now." She wrapped her shawl around her body tighter and looked up at me.

I couldn't help but smile at her.

"Brooke. Julian, I'm sure of it would never hate you or blame you for not being there. You lost someone special to you and it affects people differently. As long as he knows that you loved him and I know you still do, nothing else matters." I placed my finger underneath her chin to make her look up at me.

She was trying to read me and I knew she didn't understand. Hell, I'm not even one hundred percent what the hell is going on in my head, but now trying to explain it to her is not the best time.

"Thanks Luke."

I stepped back from her and shoved my hands in my pockets.

"So…when are you guys leaving?" I asked her.

"Tomorrow morning. We were able to get flights then so I figured leave as soon as we could that way we can get back sooner as well." She went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water and offered me one. I shook my head and she walked back over to me.

"Okay well have a safe trip Brooke." Without realizing what I was doing I walked towards her and kissed her cheek.

When I pulled back we both looked at each other stunned.

"Uh thanks Luke."

I wasn't sure why it was weird for me to kiss her that way considering we've been physically close the past couple of days, but my lips on her skin was searing and it was like a small shock to my body.

As I started to walk away, she stopped me as her hand caught my arm.

"Lucas, why did you really come here?"

I hesitated. What should I tell her?

"Brooke, I just…I went to see Peyton and I realized some things but we can talk about them later. I'm okay. We're okay. I'll see ya when you get back." I kissed her forehead this time and I left before she could stop me again.

I walked home and once inside I fell back onto my bed and let out a long breath. I ran my hands over my face and went to my laptop. I cut it on and waited for it to load up. After the epiphany I came to today I just needed to unleash everything. I pulled up my word document that I had been writing all my latest emotions and thoughts. I just began typing even though I had no organization with my material.

_Is it possible to be so in love with somebody that when they hurt you, you do everything imaginable to bury it and lock it away in a dark hole and throw away the key? Well that's what I did. I threw myself into the arms of another woman and convinced myself that I was meant to be with her and that my life was going to be better because she was it for me. _

_Learning newfound things about your life and the woman you never wanted to lose in the first place can open your eyes. Brooke Davis is and will always be the one in my heart. I was lied to for nearly five years and lead into a direction that I don't know if I really wanted to begin with so what do I do now? How do I fix it? She moved on and I thought I had moved on, but finally learning the truth that my girlfriend, her best friend told her she was in love with me drove her away and shredded my heart into miniscule pieces… _

I continued to type and type and when I looked over at the clock I noticed that I had been so deep in thought for nearly two hours. I yawned and ran my hands over my face. I so desperately wanted to call Brooke and just listen to her voice. It was always a soothing comfort for me.

"_She says she has no time for you now. she says she has no time..think about the lonely people…then think about the day she found you."_

_I leaned against the door frame and smiled. Her voice wasn't the best but it was like an angel singing a lullaby in my opinion. After everything we've been through, this day, this weekend away from the chaos in Tree Hill has just become perfection._

_This is what we needed. This is what I needed. After the school shooting and Keith's death, being away here at Rachel's cabin was just perfect._

_I stripped my clothes away and locked the door behind me._

_I pulled the shower door open and she squealed as she jumped back._

"_Lucas Eugene Scott." She playfully smacked me in the chest._

"_Ow, babe!" I went to wrap my arms around her and she pushed me away._

"_I thought you didn't like sappy, sad music." I said as she was singing Keane in the shower._

"_It's alright and besides I'm in the shower, I can sing whatever I want in here because it doesn't matter." She grinned as she turned her back to me and continued to sing. _

"_You think your days are uneventful. And no one ever thinks about you. She goes her own way. She goes her own way." She was rinsing the shampoo from her hair and I just watched the suds run down her body and she was absolutely beautiful. _

_How did I ever become so lucky to have such an amazing woman be mine? I closed my eyes as I continued to hear her sing. The next thing I knew her hand was around my dick and the other was behind my neck._

"_So are you just going to stand there or are you going to do something about…" she looked down at my now hardened dick, "about that?" she hissed in my ear._

_I pulled her close to my body and let my mouth devour hers._

Her voice was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard even if it was most of the time off key, but it was still beautiful.

I drummed my fingers across my desk and I had a thought cross my mind. If Brooke was going to go away for the next few days, maybe I should do the same. I needed distance from Peyton and I wasn't ready to talk to Nathan or Haley about epiphany. The light bulb lit up in my mind and I reached for my phone. I pressed send and waited as it rang. It rang three times before someone answered.

"_Hello?" _

The voice sounded tired and I suddenly felt bad.

"Hey, it's…it's Lucas…I'm sorry did I wake you up?"

"_Nah man, just taking a nap. It's been a long day. Hey man, what's up? It's been awhile."_

I was about to speak but I heard a voice in the background and I nearly dropped the phone as I recognized the voice or I at least thought I recognized it.

"_Babe, no she'll be fine, but thank you for being worried." _

I heard a kissing sound and I smiled.

"Who…who is that?" I asked needing to confirm my guess.

"_That's my girlfriend." _

I could see the smile through the phone and I rolled my eyes.

"I got that, was that…Rachel? As in Gatina?" I asked completely shocked because I never saw this one coming.

"_Yeah! Good guess."_

We both started laughing and I spoke again.

"I was thinking about making a visit to Savannah. You think you could put up with me for a few days?" I know I was imposing but Jake and I have tried to keep in touch over the years but it was always hard due to our completely different lives.

"_Yeah Luke, no problem! We actually just got a new place and we have a spare bedroom! When do you plan on coming?" _

I thought about booking a flight, but I thought I would drive instead.

"I'm gonna drive out of town first thing in the morning so sometime after lunch?"

"_That sounds great man. I have the rest of this week off and can't wait to see ya!"_

"Alright Jake, thanks. See you tomorrow. Okay, bye." I lay my phone on the table and let out a long sigh.

This was going to be a good trip if not an interesting one.

* * *

><p><strong>Thoughts? Crazy I know, but we recently read a short story by Joyce about an epiphany the main character had and I feel like it was just perfect timing for Lucas to have his. Also because he feels he has pretty much been manipulated over the past few years he has every right to say and feel what he does...that's my opinion and hope most of you agree! Anyways...<strong>

**I don't want to have Brooke and others in California long...or Lucas in Savannah long because I want to get Lucas and Brooke back together in chapters but the next chapter or two should be great as Brooke goes to see Julian and Lucas spends time with Jake and you heard right, our lovely red head, Rachel. Stay tuned!**


	15. Clarity

**A/N: Hey lovely, devoted readers! So I have one more final and it's not until Monday...so guess what all three of my stories will get an UPDATE! Ta Da! So here we go! Enjoy! ALSO, thank you to all of you who review! You are what keeps these stories alive! All my love and appreciation goes to you!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15: Clarity<br>**

I packed a bag with clothes set out for a few days. I placed my laptop in my satchel along with my headphones and IPOD. I locked the house, sent Haley a text to keep my mother's flowers alive, climbed in the red mustang and headed for Savannah.

A quiet drive is what I needed. I need alone time to clear my head and get my thoughts straight. There was so much that I needed to reevaluate. So many "what-ifs" that clouded my mind. What if Brooke never left? Would we be married? Would we have kids of our own? What if I had learned the truth about Peyton's deception? Would she still be a part of my life? Would she still be a part of Brooke's life? Would my first novel been a success if it had been about my epic love with Brooke? An endless string of questions bombarded my brain and I didn't have the slightest clue to any answers.

I stopped at a small diner halfway to Savannah where I met an old man. I ate my sandwich and saw that he was playing a card game. He shuffled around three cards. There was a sign taped to his small table, "Find the Queen of Hearts, Get Advice from Al"

As I finished my sandwich I watched several people attempt to find the queen and all failed. I paid my tab and walked over to him.

"So what kind of advice do you provide once the Queen of Hearts is found?" I asked as I sat across from him.

He was an older black man with years of wise tales to be told. He grinned and pearly whites were displayed before me.

"Three simple cards, just follow the heart and you'll know."

He showed me the Queen that was on the left end. He began shuffling them quickly and my eyes never left the card once. He then surprised me and shuffled the cards together that seemed to be his trick in confusing his audience. At one point I felt I lost the Queen. He stopped and waved his hands over the cards.

"Where's your Queen?"

I reached for the card on the right and flipped it over. I let out a sigh of relief as the Queen of Hearts was shown to us.

"How did you know which one to pick?" He asked me with a huge grin on his face.

"I guess I always knew." I said with a smile.

"I want to tell you something, son, it's the most important thing there is: love finding the right person to spend your life with. Love finds you son, you don't find love. It's got a little bit to do with destiny, fate, what's written in the stars. A lot to do with the simple fact that most women are smarter than we are and wiley, you sorry about never having the chance, but if you want to believe that you had a choice in the matter, I say you made a good one." He asked me.

"What are you talking about?" I was completely baffled that I haven't even mentioned my problems and he's already got it figured in his mind.

"It's about a girl isn't it?" He asked grinning again.

"It's more than that. Let's just say five years ago the woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with left me because her best friend told her that she was in love with me. So she packs her bags and leaves, and I ended up falling for her friend, just to have truth be revealed unto me." I let it all out in one breath and he replied with a low whistle.

"Damn that's a rough, son. Is that woman back in your life?" He asked me.

"Yes. Her fiancé died almost two months ago and she's back. I realized that I've never stopped loving her and that it's always going to be her, but how do you tell someone that? She just lost the one person that she was going to devote her life to?"

Al brought his hand to his chin and rubbed it curiously.

"Like I said love finds you, you don't find it. This woman came back to you for good reasons. It is tragic that she had to lose this other man, but maybe just maybe it goes back to fate, destiny, and what's written in the stars. You two aren't supposed to be over, not even close, and sooner or later she'll realize that, maybe she already does." He winked at me and I wanted to spend more time with this man.

"I have to go, but I would love to see you again on my way back through here." I said holding my hand out to him and I shook his hand firmly.

"I'm here everyday. Follow your heart."

"I will. Thank you." I left the small town in South Carolina and continued my journey to Savannah.

Was meeting Al part of this destiny to bring me back to Brooke? I got chills just thinking about it and maybe, just maybe I will for once let destiny, fate, everything take its own course because if I truly believe within my heart that Brooke Davis will come back to me then it must be true.

* * *

><p>I woke up as Clay parked the car outside the beautiful home. After we left the airport we still had a little over an hour drive to Julian's parents' house. We all got out and proceeded to the front door. I haven't been here in over a year and I wasn't sure what welcome to expect from them. I had spoken to Julian's mother, Sylvia briefly over the phone and she left the condo in my name that I shared with Julian in New York and all his allowances were left to me as well. Sylvia never blamed me for not coming to the funeral but his father on the other hand was furious that I wouldn't respect his son that way.<p>

Clay rang the doorbell and I could hear its tune echo through the house. A few moments later, Marcus, their butler answered the door and told us that Paul and Sylvia were in the study and were expecting us. I gripped Clay's hand tightly as Millicent walked by me on my other side.

Once we reached the study, Paul and Sylvia Norris were in a deep conversation about a film Mr. Norris was producing. Like father, like son.

"Brooke, darling, it is so great to see you." Sylvia's eyes immediately fell upon my scar and I did my best to cover it up but with it being in the middle of my face, it was hard not to have others stare at you.

"Hi." I said quietly as she pulled me into her arms.

Paul shook Clay's hand and nodded towards Millicent but he never once looked at me or spoke to me. Sylvia rolled her eyes at her husband and the four of us left him alone and started walking through the garden.

"I was so glad to hear from you. I was of course upset that you didn't come to Julian's funeral but I understood why, I could only imagine what you went through during the accident."

It all came rushing back to me as if someone took a sledge hammer to my chest. I felt faint and Clay caught me.

"I'm sorry. Are you okay?" Sylvia asked me as she looked at me with concern. I smiled and shook my head.

"I am fine, it's just I try my best these days to not think about the accident." I did my best to put on my bravest smile.

We proceeded further past the garden and I knew where we were headed. The family cemetery. I remembered Julian saying that if I married him more than likely I would be buried here too and that saddened me. I wanted to be buried in my hometown, Tree Hill, but we had put that discussion aside to discuss later in our life together, of course, that conversation was never spoken about again.

"Is it too soon?" Millicent asked as we neared the cemetery.

"No, it's why we came here. It's like a band-aid; I have to rip it off." I said to her.

The three of them paid their respects as we reached the cemetery and I didn't dare enter the gated portion of the land just yet. I let my friends say their words. After they were all done, I summoned all the courage I had in me to walk through the gate and towards Julian's grave.

I reached his grave and read the tombstone.

_Julian Andrew Baker_

_Loyal Beloved Son_

"_may the wind always be at your back, _

_and the sun always upon your face,_

_and may the wings of destiny carry you _

_aloft to dance with the stars"_

I smiled to myself as I read the quote carved in stone. The movie, _Blow_, was one of Julian's favorites and I am not surprised to see the quote permanently reside above his grave. I looked over my shoulder and saw Clay, Millicent, and Sylvia start to disappear into the garden.

The tears started to pour down my face.

"Where do I start?"

* * *

><p>I finally reached Savannah and as I drove through, it was a beautiful place. I've never been here, but I could see Jake raising Jenny here and I could already picture Brooke spending her senior year here and living with Jake. Of course, the burning question in the back of my mind was did anything ever happen between them but I had a feeling it didn't but that didn't mean it still didn't pester me.<p>

I arrived at the address Jake gave me and it was a nice home. The green Jeep Cherokee was parked in their driveway and there was a tire swing tied securely to a huge tree that was planted in their front yard. This was not the place that Brooke lived with Jake, but it was a nice home and I could already tell that Jake was doing great for himself and his family. I parked outside by the curb of their house and walked through the white picket fence up the pathway and climbed the three steps to their wrap around porch. I knocked twice on the door and I heard movement from inside. The door swung open.

"Lucas, it is so good to see you!"

"It's good to see you too." I said with a huge smile on my face.

Jake pulled me into a hug and we patted each other on the back like men always do. I pulled back from him and Jake looked better than I've ever seen him. He was fit, toned, his head was shaven a little like mine and his face was sculpted more into a man than the baby boy face he displayed several years ago.

I went to speak but I smelled the hint of lavender and saw a head full of red hair appear behind Jake. She displayed a huge smile on her face.

"Rachel, wow, it's good to see you." I held my arms out for a hug and she began to walk towards me with that devilish grin on her face and before I realized what was happening she slapped me across the face.

"Damn it Ray, I thought we talked about this earlier today." Jake said as he gave me a whining face and I just stared at the red head.

"Yeah well I couldn't help it, babe. I'm sorry, but I am not sorry for slapping you!" She pointed a finger in my face as I still caressed my swollen cheek.

"What the hell Rachel?" I asked calmly and her mouth dropped as she rolled her eyes.

"Damn you are dumber than I remember from high school. Jake, I know you wanted a bromance weekend but I am going to borrow Lukey here for a little bit." She wrapped her arms around Jake's neck and gave him a sensual kiss.

It was strange to see Jake with Rachel and especially to see Rachel be so tender and sweet with him.

"Give my angel a kiss and we'll be back before you know it." She grabbed my hand tightly and I looked over my shoulder at Jake.

"Just know Luke you've had this coming." He gave me an apologetic shrug as he went back inside.

Rachel and I began to walk the streets of their neighborhood when I became uncomfortable.

"So I am guessing the slap has to do with Brooke?"

She scuffed and kept walking beside me.

"You always had those stupid Peyton blinders on. Have you figured it out yet?" She asked as she turned to face me as we walked.

I looked over at her and I guess my face said everything.

"Have you talked to Brooke lately?" I asked her.

"Not since Julian's death."

"She's back in Tree Hill and I learned everything a couple of days ago." I said as we continued walking and she let out a bitter laugh.

"I can not believe it took five years for the truth to get out."

"Yeah or the fact that everyone I loved and cared about kept it a secret from me."

A smack on the back of my head snapped my attention to her.

"What the hell, Rachel!" I was getting angry.

"You deserve that! No one should have to tell you, you should have caught on!"

We stopped during our walk and we were beginning to get a small audience from the few people who were out jogging but I didn't care.

"She left! Was I supposed to grovel for something I never did? The kiss in the library was all Peyton! I didn't do anything wrong." I yelled at her.

"Yeah you did, you prick! You kept talking to Peyton and ran into her arms after our accident at the bridge! She asked you one simple thing, Lucas, and you didn't do it! She had every right to run."

I looked around to find a mother pushing her toddler in a stroller glare at us and I rolled my eyes at her.

"Rachel, I didn't come here to argue with you. I came here for some clarity. I realize that I've never stopped loving Brooke and that I will wait forever for her if I have to." I was being driven with an immense passion that I could feel being exerted throughout my entire body.

Rachel stood back surprised and grinned at me.

"See that's the passion we've been missing." She ticked her head back towards the house, tossed her arm around my neck, and we walked back to the house.

"How did you end up here?" I wanted to change the subject.

She released her arm from my neck and sighed.

"After graduation I came here to see Brooke. I actually went to college here with Jake and we sort of fell for each other. He showed me how to be a better person and I've always hated kids but I fell in love with Jenny."

I watched her, more like observed her. Minus her snarkiness, Rachel was different. She was more carefree and pure, if that was even possible.

"What are you looking at?" She asked as she carried on her way back to the house.

"It's strange seeing you this way. I mean you are even dressed more down to earth as well. So you're really in love with Jake?"

This huge smile came across her face and she nodded.

"I've never felt this way, but it's real and I'll do whatever it takes to hold onto it." She turned to look at me and she almost looked angelic as she smiled.

I shook my head and couldn't believe how different things have changed. Once we got back to the house, I watched as Jake, Rachel, and Jenny acted like a perfect, little family. Jenny was actually calling Rachel, momma, and Rachel was laughing like I've never heard her before. It was like living in a different world. Jenny helped Rachel cook dinner and we had a great time. Once we were done eating, Rachel and Jenny watched a movie while Jake and I drank a few beers out on the patio.

"It's really good to see you, Luke." Jake said taking a swig of his beer.

I smiled and nodded.

"Yeah man, it's great to get away from Tree Hill especially with everything that's happened." I stared at my feet as Jake became confused.

"Lucas, what happened?"

I haven't told Jake the reasons why I came here but I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear what Jake had to say about it either.

"I found out why Brooke really left." I said quietly and Jake let out a low whistle just like Al had done earlier.

"So you know everything?"

"I feel like I was the only one who didn't know anything to begin with." I sat back in my chair and ran my hands over my shaven head.

"She was a mess. She waited several weeks for you to show up but you never did."

"Well I was never given the chance. Nathan, Haley, and Peyton all conspired to keep Brooke's letter from me. Hell Brooke changed her number!" I scuffed harshly and Jake shook his head.

"Peyton." He said and I looked at him.

"I'm sorry." I knew how much Jake loved Peyton.

Why didn't they get together? Was Peyton really that in love with me that she was going to wait on me and sacrifice her love for Jake?

"You know she came to see me a few days before Brooke showed up on my doorstep."

I looked over at him and I didn't know this. How much has Peyton kept from me all these years? When Jake looked at me he saw the shock written across my face.

"She came here because she missed me, hell, she was even ready to pack her things and move down here to be with Jenny and me. She asked me to marry her." Jake let out a bitter laugh.

"You're joking." I said and I couldn't believe this. I gripped my beer bottle tightly in anger and frustration at what Peyton is and was capable of.

"I can't believe she did that. Jake you never deserved that, God, it all makes sense."

Did Peyton really come down here in hopes that Jake would have said yes and that she could have left Tree Hill and not had to deal with her feelings for me? She was looking for a way out first before coming to Brooke. I gripped my bottle so hard that I felt it crack.

"Lucas." Jake reached out and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"It was a long time ago."

"Everything just isn't fair. None of this should have happened." I say as I feel like we have all been robbed of our lives.

It was supposed to be Jake and Peyton…or so I thought. It was supposed to be me and Brooke…or so I thought, but it still can be me and Brooke…I have to convince her of that.

"What's on your mind, Luke?"

I turned to face my friend and it amazed me at how different he is now as opposed to then.

"Tell me about her." I leaned back in my chair and Jake smiled.

"I have to admit I was thoroughly impressed by Brooke. She turned out to be someone I never thought she was capable of. She was…"

* * *

><p>"I think about you everyday." I clumsily fiddle my thumbs as I stare at the headstone.<p>

"It's hard you know? You were my one constant, Julian Baker. No matter what you were doing you was always there to pick up the pieces even when you didn't realize you were doing it. I'm sorry." I cried as I held my head in my hands.

"I'm sorry that we argued…I'm sorry that you had to chase after me in a snow storm…I'm sorry that I was so stupid and stubborn to walk out on you…I'm sorry that I didn't come to your funeral…oh God, I am so sorry." I was crying so hard that I couldn't see right.

Now I am not a spiritual or religious person per se, but in that moment, I _felt_ something. I pulled my head from my hands and looked around as the stray leaves began to fly around me and it was almost as if someone was here with me.

"Julian?" I questioned speaking to no one or nothing.

"Are you watching over me? Are you upset with me that I am getting close to Lucas again? Am I a complete and total bitch to still hang on to the past after everything that has happened?" I can't believe I am talking to him about this.

I should not be talking to my dead fiancé about my ex-boyfriend. This was wrong, this _is_ wrong.

"What do I do Julian? I don't want to be trapped in a nightmare forever…even if it's something I deserve or choose to do, I can't keep doing this to myself. Would it be so wrong to fall in love again?"

It was like _he _was answering me, the leaves calmed and this warm breeze caressed my face. A shiver ran down my spine, but in a good way.

"I love you so much Julian and you are always going to be in my heart. I regret every day that I ran out on you and I am always going to feel it is my fault all this happened no matter what anyone tells me. I was being stupid and selfish and just so angry with you, but it was all stupid. I just…I don't want to hurt anymore."

Hurting and being depressed takes up way too much energy and I just want to be me again. I want to feel whole, I want to play with my godchildren and not have this pain in my gut. I want to spend time with my friends and not feel like I am missing my other half.

"I am going to come and visit you more often, I promise, but you will never leave this part of me." I place my hand over my chest and smile as the breeze picks up again.

"I love you Julian Baker…and I always will."

I started walking back towards the garden and my two friends were chatting with Sylvia and she smiled at me once she caught sight of me.

"Are you okay?" Millicent asked me as I approached them.

"Yeah one step at a time. It's strange, but I felt that Julian was there with me."

"I think he's always with you, Brooke. Sometimes I feel that he's with me too." Millicent smiled her wide grin that reached her ears and I couldn't help but return the mirror image as well.

"Thanks Mills." I pulled her into a hug and then a pair of strong arms enveloped us both.

"Group hug." Clay said as he was able to wrap his arms completely around the both of us.

"It's so great to hear laughter again." Sylvia said.

Once we were back inside, Paul Norris was nowhere in sight. It didn't surprise me. It was almost as if he was channeling his distant relationship he had with Julian to me now. I rolled my eyes and Jude, their head chef, began to prepare dinner for us. It always surprised me to know that Julian grew up in this kind of environment where he was practically waited on hand and foot. Julian never acted as if he came from money. He always had such a carefree spirit that reminded me of Lucas at times.

We ate dinner; just the four of us and Paul Norris never showed his face again. We had our after dinner coffee and I was sitting on their porch when I felt someone behind me.

"Hey, penny for your thoughts?"

I grinned at his pun of my name and looked over at him.

"I would need a million pennies for all the thoughts running through my mind." I took another sip of my expensive coffee savoring every moment of it.

"Let me give two guesses: Julian and Lucas."

I let out a long sigh as I looked over at him.

"I feel I am betraying my heart and Julian. What Lucas and I had all those years ago…I still feel it. It's still there and now that the truth is finally out, it just seems that I may have made a mistake. God, I was so young, I didn't know what the hell I was doing then leaving the way I did." I began to fidget and Clay noticed.

"Can I say something and you promise not to get angry or judge me?"

As I turned to _actually_ look at Clay, I noticed that he was tired. How long has he been this way?

"Do you ever keep your opinions to yourself?" I asked with a sly smile.

"Never," he laughed and took in a deep breath, "it's been nearly two months since Julian's death and believe me when I say that it would look wrong and selfish for you to jump back in with whatever you had with Lucas, but I think…wait…no I know that Julian no matter what would want you to be happy even if it has only been two months, angel."

My mouth dropped and his words were cutting through me.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I put my hand up and placed my cup on the table.

"First of all, I wouldn't be jumping into anything with Lucas again and second of all, I don't even know what this is all supposed to mean. I still feel that I have no business leaving my mourning period and Lucas? I mean, it scares the hell out of me even to think of kissing him or anything else. I already feel confused and awful when he holds me." I cringed as I said the words.

Even though I knew Lucas's touch like the back of my hand, it was Julian's touch and kisses that are still with me. Even if I wanted to start something new and fresh with Lucas, the timing is off…it's too soon.

"Okay, Brooke…I understand, but you have to know that it would be okay…to fall in love with someone else…or in your case rekindle a love you already had." He brushed the stray hairs from my face and smiled.

"I would give anything to see you happy and carefree again…I see that sometimes when you're with Lucas. I wouldn't be surprised if Julian was looking down on you smiling as well even if it's with someone else." He smiled at me and I smiled back.

Looking into his eyes I know he's telling me the truth and not feeding me lies to make me feel better. I reached for his hand and squeezed it.

"We'll see." I said.

* * *

><p>I became mesmerized by Jake's story of how Brooke came here with just her suitcase and became a mother to Jenny. It always surprised me to see how amazing Brooke was with kids when she was the only child and was never around them. Jake spoke of how Brooke never dated anyone their senior year and when they graduated, they went to Miami on a vacation with Rachel and that's how Rachel and Jake became so close. They went to college together and Jake inspired Rachel and with time got her to change her slutty ways. I smirked to myself as I thought of my relationship with Brooke. I did the same thing for her, showed her that there is someone out there that can love her not just for her body, but for her mind, soul, heart, and spirit.<p>

"Well I have to admit, I am impressed but not surprised. Brooke is an amazing person and I want to thank you for taking care of her when I couldn't."

Jake slapped me on the back and I turned to look at him.

"Luke, shit happens, hell I know that better than anyone. Sometimes you have to go through the shit to get where you really need to be. I went through it with Nikki, unfortunately Peyton, and look where I am now! I have my daughter and I have Rachel who has never made me happier than I am right now."

"What you and Brooke have, I never really understood it in high school, but it makes sense, you two together, it's what makes you both complete. You mellow her out; she brings out the wild spirit in you. Its how Rachel and I are and it's always exhilarating. Not to hurt your feelings if I do, but you and Peyton were one in the same, and that's no fun." He winked at me and headed back inside.

I stayed behind and thought about everything Rachel and Jake have enlightened me with, they were all right. I was an idiot, ass hole, you name it! Peyton and I were so similar, it was safe and secure, I liked that but I loved being surprised, on the edge of my seat with Brooke. She made me come alive when I needed it and I toned her down when she needed it. We fit together because we belong together.

I went to the guest bedroom and started typing away on my laptop. I was halfway through my third novel and I only hoped and prayed that when I share it with Brooke, she will let me share her story, our story to the world.

* * *

><p><strong>YAY! Thoughts? Let me know...stay tuned for what's next...because right now I don't know either ;)<strong>


	16. Gift from Me to You

**A/N: Thanks for reading and for the lovely reviews!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 16: Gift from Me to You<br>**

It was so great spending time with Jake, Rachel, and little Jenny. It reminded me of all of our innocent days when we were just kids trying to get through high school and all the drama that came with it. Jake and Rachel promised to come and visit. Rachel was missing Brooke like crazy that she said she would wait to call her until I left so they could gossip and talk amongst each other.

I drove back to Tree Hill and even stopped to speak to Al again. I didn't have a father figure in my life anymore and I felt like I got that kind of advice from the old man. The drive back seemed shorter than the drive to Savannah which made sense. I was anxious to get there and now I'm just glad to head home even though I wasn't sure exactly what I was heading home to.

I knew that Brooke should be back as well by now or getting in later today. She said it was just for the weekend and it was around eight o'clock on Sunday evening. I finally saw the navy blue sign saying, "Welcome to our tiny town, Tree Hill" I loved that sign because no matter where I went, I knew I was coming home.

I reached my house and suddenly felt alone. It used to be filled with so many warm memories that just seem tainted and spoiled now. I grabbed my bags and headed inside. It was cold and bitter. I walked back to my bedroom and when I cut the light on I was surprised and confused at what I saw. On my bed was an envelope addressed to me with a set of keys and then a box. I knew it was all from Peyton. I tossed my bags beside the bed and wasn't sure which to open first: the box or the letter, I settled for the letter.

_Lucas,_

_I don't even know where to begin. I had no right to react the way I did the last time we saw each other, but I also felt like a part of me was inclined to because I believed in you and your words you wrote, but maybe I orchestrated your words from all the lies that were spread all those years ago. _

_I honestly don't know why I never told you that I told Brooke I was in love with you. I guess back then I just couldn't believe she would leave, leave you! I would have never done that because you are my world, Lucas, or at least you were. I did so many stupid things back then to Brooke, you, and Jake. God, Jake, thinking about it now, I know I hurt him so badly. _

_They say you do crazy things for love and I guess I am one of those people who qualify. All I can say is that I am sorry and I know it doesn't even begin to fix anything between you and me and you and Brooke. I never read her letter so I can't speak for her really. It was always you for Brooke and I guess I was jealous because she had a piece of your heart that I desperately wanted. _

_In the box is some stuff that I had of yours and some drawings from high school that I never showed you. You might like them so that's why I'm giving them to you. I just hope that one day you can forgive me and maybe, just maybe we can be friends again. _

_I love you, _

_Peyton_

I folded the letter and placed it back in the envelope really not sure how I felt about it. I let out a sigh and opened the box. It had a couple of my t-shirts she used to sleep in, a Ravens baseball cap, a few photos, and then I came across the drawings. Peyton's talent at capturing moments on paper was always amazing to me. The first photo was of course the one she initially created after the blowout between her, Brooke, and me. The three of us aiming our weapons at the heart of three. Seems appropriate now as it did back then. Then I saw the drawings like she said I've never seen before.

The first was of Brooke in her cheer uniform talking to Peyton, with the caption, "I'm falling for him. This is like l-o-v-e, mad, crushed out, I'm in big trouble."

I smiled to myself as I saw the amazing expression displayed across her face. I saw the date and this was during the time Peyton and I cheated on her junior year. I flipped to the next photo.

Brooke is sitting with Haley and Peyton and the caption reads, "Lucas, is the one for me."

The next photo is a photo of Brooke and me. It seems that Brooke told Peyton everything about us. It was a drawing of Brooke and me getting back together after her confession of the eighty-two letters. Captions by us, "I love you." "I love you too, pretty girl."

The next was of Peyton and Brooke on Peyton's porch. It was like a comic strip. The first block is of Peyton sitting down on her porch with Brooke standing across from her: caption reads: "The boy I love protected the girl I love as the girl he loves too."

Next block is of Peyton with her hands on Brooke's arms and they are standing across from each other. The caption by Peyton says, "I care about Lucas. I always will, but he's insanely in love with you. You know what so am I. I'm not going to hurt you again." Next block is of Brooke hugging Peyton caption reads: "Okay because I really don't want to hurt again."

I wanted to rip this drawing in half. Here is the proof in Peyton's creation that she lies. It made the possibility of forgiving Peyton that much harder.

The next drawing was another of Brooke and me. We are at Rachel's cabin and it's me chasing Brooke in the front yard. The caption reads: "What it's like to be in love."

I placed everything back in the box and lied down on the bed. It's been a long week with so much that has happened. I reached for my cell in my pocket and as I was about to dial Haley's number, my phone rings. A smile appears across my face.

"Hey." I said and I heard her take in a deep breath.

"_Hey, Rachel called me and said you went to Savannah. How was that?"_

She seemed nervous and I couldn't help but smile.

"Enlightening. Apparently there's a lot I've been missing over the years. Rachel knocked some sense into me."

We both laughed and Brooke took in another deep breath.

"_Yeah, sorry about that. She had no right to slap you, but it's Rachel, you really can't control her." _

There was a long silence for a moment and this time I took a deep breath.

"How was your trip? Did it go the way you wanted it to?"

"_Yes. I finally paid my respects to Julian's grave and it was strange, it was almost like I felt him there with me, ya know?" _

I did know that feeling.

"Yes, I get it sometimes when I visit Keith. I know he's always there with me."

Another silence fell in between us and I knew she wanted to say something so I spoke instead.

"Brooke, I feel there is so much more we need to talk about but I am not going to rush any of it. You have been through enough so I will let you have all the time in the world because I'm not going anywhere, okay? I promise."

It was as if I could feel her doubt through the phone.

"I promise, Brooke."

"_I know Luke, this is just a lot to process. I mean I just lost the man I planned on marrying and spending the rest of my life with and now discovering that you never knew about Peyton or why I left, it just seems unfair and I don't know how to process any of it."_

"Brooke, I'm not going anywhere and take all the time you need. I mean that."

Another silence and she sighed.

"_Okay Lucas. It's been a long weekend for the both of us. Let's both get some rest. What are you doing tomorrow?" _

"I'm not sure. I thought I would see how things are going with our job and the recruiting. How about you?"

"_I'm thinking about opening a boutique in town. I just need to find a location and see where it goes."_

"So you are thinking about moving back to Tree Hill?" My heart fluttered in my chest.

"_Yeah. I've always wanted to start my own business and I think that's what I want to do."_

Then it came to me I knew what I needed to do.

"Hey I'll come by the house tomorrow around ten and I know the perfect place for you to get started." I said and I heard her giggle.

"_Okay Lucas. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight."_

"Goodnight."

I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and liberated. I took a shower and ate some breakfast and noticed that it was getting close to 9:30, I figured I would go ahead and go to Nathan's and see how everything is going.

I drove through Tree Hill and it all seemed different. I could see the trees greener, the sky bluer, and the streets more vibrant. It's all clarity. I smiled to myself as I knew I was giving Brooke a gift today and she doesn't even know it yet.

I pulled into the driveway and let myself in. Jamie was chasing Millicent around the house, Haley was singing to Lydia, Clay, Nathan, and Brooke were eating at the breakfast bar. It was so great to see such love and warmth within one household. This is what I wanted and it was becoming clearer with each day.

"Lucas, hey!" Haley said as she got up from the couch.

"Hey Hales." I kissed her cheek and I took the beautiful baby girl from her.

"Hello my little angel. How is my favorite niece doing?"

The angel in my arms smiled and then winked at me casually.

"She looks just like you Hales."

"Well thank you. The boys and Brooke are in the kitchen. Go on now." She smacked my hip and I grinned at her.

I waved to Millicent who was chasing Jamie and I walked into the kitchen.

"Good morning." I said to everyone letting my eyes fall on Brooke.

She smiled at me and it was so good seeing her dimples again.

"Sup Luke. How was your trip?" Nathan asked me as he tossed me a biscuit from the counter and I grabbed a glass of OJ.

"Great! It was good seeing Jake and did you know that he was dating Rachel?"

Nathan looked over at Brooke who shook her head with a smile.

"You're joking right? I mean that is a joke." Nathan said and I shook my head.

"I'm telling you man, she was glowing and so down to earth and I witnessed a lot of kissing and hugging…it was a little weird." I leaned against the counter to face the three of them.

Wow."

"Is this your red head friend who came to visit us that one time?" Clay asked Brooke and she nodded.

"Yes. You didn't get to meet Jake and his amazing daughter Jenny, but when I spoke to Rachel yesterday she said they are planning a trip to Tree Hill." Brooke grabbed her plate and walked around the breakfast bar and was standing next to me as I was by the sink.

She nudged me as she cleaned her plate and I nudged back.

"How is everything going with the recruits? Haley told me you guys were able to snag a few more." I finished my biscuits and brushed my fingers together to rid my hands of the crumbs.

"Yeah, we got four more, we got Anthony Turner to sign with the Atlanta Falcons, Bobby Marshall to sign with the Atlanta Hawks and…" Nathan turned to Clay who had a huge grin on his face.

"I got Brandon Marquett to sign with the Charlotte Bobcats!" He high-fived Nathan and a part of me missed going out on the road and finding amazing talent.

"That is pretty amazing." I said and Brooke now stood beside me leaning against the counter facing Nathan and Clay.

"Are you sure you don't want to go with us on the next run?" Clay asked and I smiled to myself.

"Maybe soon, but I'm almost finished with my new book and I don't mind doing the paperwork so it saves you guys some trouble."

"That's why I love you brother." Nathan said as he grabbed his plate and Clay followed.

"So are you ready for your surprise today?" I asked Brooke ignoring the guys moving around us.

"Surprise? How is it a surprise if I know what we are doing today?" She asked with her gorgeous brow kinked.

"True but I have something that is going to make this day better. Go on, get ready, we have a big day ahead of us." Before I realized what I was doing I lightly smacked her on her behind and she squealed a little as she headed for the stairs.

"I can't believe I did that." I said as I turned back to Nathan and Clay.

"It reminds me of high school." Nathan grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and went to sit by his wife and daughter.

Clay crossed his arms and shook his head as he let out a small chuckle.

"I'm sorry." I wasn't sure why I was apologizing to him but it just seemed appropriate.

"No it's fine, I mean slightly inappropriate but I've already talked to Brooke and whatever happens between you two from here on out is fine with me and Millicent. We just want to see her happy and her old self again. She's gradually getting back there and I am sure most of it has to do with you." He smacked me on the back and left the kitchen.

I let out the breath I was holding and became relieved. I had the support and back up from two very important people in her life. It seems we are on the right track. I walked out of the kitchen and when I saw her I had to remind myself to breathe.

As she came down the stairs, the color seemed to be getting back into her face, she wasn't as thin as she was when she first came here and she looked absolutely stunning. She wore a pair of Capri jeans, a red boyfriend cardigan, and a pair of black Converse. She made pretty girl, punk rock look amazing.

"I'm ready." She said with a small smile.

We said our byes to everyone and got in my car and headed downtown. When I parked across the street of the familiar place she looked at me with curiosity. I looked down at my watch and grinned over at her.

"Perfect timing. Come on."

We both got out of the car and I reached into my pockets and grabbed the set of keys. The second I opened the door my phone rang and I smiled.

"This is for you." I handed her the phone and she was confused.

"Hello?" She said and her eyes became wide as she turned to look at me.

"Oh my God, Karen hi! Yes I am doing fine. Yes, I am here." She paused as she walked further into the building and stopped and spun around to face me.

I had a huge smile on my face.

"You're kidding? He told you that. Oh Karen I couldn't possibly, no I…are you sure? I can't believe this…You are doing this for me?...I…I don't know what to say. I will, yes! Thank you so much Karen. Oh yeah, well I guess I'll have to thank him too. Yes, it was so great to hear from you and I will do right by you and this place. I love you too, goodbye." She removed the phone from her ear and looked up at me and then looked around the room again.

I called my mother and asked if we could pitch in together, invest in helping Brooke start up her own business and my mother was more than thrilled.

"I want you to have the perfect space and since my mom's been gone, this building has been vacant and we were both waiting for the right person and business to take its place and we both agreed that it should be yours." I shoved my hands in my pockets and she was still so shocked.

She began to cry…but they were not the usual tears she has, these were happy tears.

"I can't believe you are doing this for me…I don't know what to say."

And this brings me back to the end of junior year when I asked her to stay and turned my room into hers so she could stay a little longer.

"I want you to say that you'll stay and accept my gift to you because I don't want to ever lose you again, Brooke."

Her face fell a little and a fresh batch of happy tears fell down her face.

"So are you going to take it or what…" I was acting like the boy I was in high school in that moment I asked her to stay at my mom's house.

"Of course Luke, oh my God!" She skipped towards me and I pulled her into my arms lifting her feet from the ground.

I inhaled her scent and she was intoxicating. Vanilla and jasmine, the most amazing smell ever.

"Lucas, I…thank you." She whispered in my ear and I held her tighter to me.

"Anything for you pretty girl."

She pulled back and our faces were only inches apart. I desperately wanted to reach down and kiss her but it is too soon for anything like that and I don't even know how she really feels.

She quickly pulled out of my arms and fixed her shirt.

"I am so overwhelmed right now that I don't even know where to start. So this is all mine?" She asked again as she began to walk around and I could already see her mind at work deciding where she wanted everything to go.

"Yes and anything I can do, I want to help! It seems I have quite a lot of free time on my hands and I want to do this for you, with you."

She turned on her heel to face me and smiled.

"So you are almost done with your third book, eh?" She said as she started walking around some more and I smiled.

"I am actually."

"What's it about?"

"Let's just say you're the inspiration." I shoved my hands in my pockets again and walked closer to her.

She turned around and kinked that sexy eyebrow of hers and shook her head.

"I don't understand. I've only been back for a couple of weeks and you are almost done with your book? What are you writing Lucas?" She crossed her arms with curiosity.

"Well I have to wait for the end first."

"Oh and why is that?"

"Because I'm not sure where it's going to go, but trust me when I'm finished you'll be the first to read it before I do anything with it." I winked at her and she blushed or at least that's what I believe she did.

"So what do you want to do first?" I asked her.

"I, goodness, I don't even know where to start. I didn't expect this to happen so soon, I would definitely need to go back to New York and get all my things since this is all happening. I need to start looking for a place too." Her hand went to her forehead and I didn't even think before I spoke the next few words.

"Move in with me."

Her mouth dropped and I immediately regretted asking her.

"Lucas, I don't know if that's a good idea."

"I'm sorry, it's just…my house is so empty and there's plenty of room and it used to be a home for you as well. You would have your own bedroom. Just think about it, I know it's sudden especially with everything that has happened, but just think about it. The offer will always be there."

She started to twiddle her thumbs and I knew her mind was at work.

"I'll think about it, but I can't make any promises." She pointed her little finger at me and I smiled.

"That's all I ask." I smiled at her.

I locked up the place and handed her the keys. It was officially hers now and she was so excited.

As we started back for the car, we both came face to face with our blonde acquaintance at the moment. She had her hands full of paperwork and she looked flustered. It became extremely awkward and neither of us spoke. Peyton looked down and started to walk away. I was shocked that she didn't say anything but at the moment I didn't even know what to say to her. I was still angry with her with a lot of other emotions mixed in. Brooke looked up at me and then chased after Peyton.

"Peyton!" Brooke called out.

Peyton stopped and her back tensed. She slowly turned around.

"Hold on." Brooke said and turned back to me.

"I'm going to talk to Peyton."

"Take your time." I sighed and watched Brooke walk alongside Peyton.

I watched the two women walk away from me and I suddenly became nervous.

* * *

><p>Luke leaned against his car as I continued to walk along with Peyton. I don't think it's ever been this weird or uncomfortable with her before.<p>

"What are you doing Brooke?" She was so reclusive.

"I want us to talk because obviously it's long overdue." I said as we stopped.

Peyton looked over her shoulder and we were out of ear shot from Lucas who still leaned against his car. He was glaring at Peyton and turned away from her.

"I was going to get a cup of coffee, want to join me?" She asked.

I reached for some of the papers in her arms and walked with her further down the street. We got to the coffee shop and I set down the stack of papers I had on one of the tables and she went to get some coffee.

I sat down and she sat across from me and it became unbearable to be alone with her.

"You know now that we're here, I have no idea what I want to say to you." I took a sip of my coffee and she shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

"Why would you keep secrets from him? Why did you keep my letter?" It came rambling out of my mouth and all the color she had in her face drained.

"I don't know."

I scoffed. I wanted to not get angry with her and I wanted to be rational about this but being here with her and hearing her words is making me upset.

"Brooke, I don't know what to say. I didn't want to see him hurt anymore and besides you were the one who left!" She spat out at me.

"Because you told me you were in love with my boyfriend! Damn it Peyton, what did you expect me to do? You promised me that there was nothing there and look what happened! A repeat of junior year!" I tried not to raise my voice in the quiet café but it was no use.

"At least I was so in love with him I tried protecting him from you. It's obvious you didn't have faith in him. He was a total wreck after you left. He never once made a move on me until a year after you left."

I was livid. How dare she say I didn't have enough faith in him?

"You are a selfish bitch, you know that Peyton! But guess what he _did_ fall for you!"

This time she scoffed and set her coffee down.

"I'm selfish? You're selfish Brooke! Lucas obviously was so in love with you that he never once tried getting with me until after it took him a year to get over you or so I thought he was over you but Brooke if _you_ were so in love with him back then, why would you leave him!"

We were now yelling at each other and the few people who were inside began to stare.

"Not that I owe _you_ any kind of explanation but I remember how he was with you, Peyton! I remember the first time so clearly that I hated how it made me feel. If there was ever any slight chance that he would leave me after your feelings were known there was no way I would have been able to handle a second time around of the heartache you two caused me." My coffee was bitter now and I threw it in the trash behind me.

"It still feels like a cop out to me. If it were me I would have stayed fighting for him unlike you." Peyton hissed at me and I wanted to slap her.

"Well Peyton isn't that what you did? You were vindictive, manipulative and there's no telling what else you did you make him fall in your web of lies. The truth is out now and I don't know what's going to happen between the two of you or us for that matter, but as far as I'm concerned I am done with you. I wanted to try so hard to fix this with you, but it seems like a waste of my time. Goodbye Peyton." I got up, threw some money on the table and left.

I felt the hot pang of tears dare to leave my eyes and the closer I got to Lucas, the more upset I became and once he noticed he immediately reacted.

"Hey are you okay? What happened?" He placed his hands on my cheeks to brush the tears away.

I wasn't ready for any of this but after talking to Peyton I couldn't help but just ask him.

"Lucas do you think that I didn't love you enough back then? I mean did you think that I didn't have enough faith in you to stick around and see how things turned out?" I started to ramble and he stood back from me at arm's length.

"Slow down." He said and brushed his hand through his hair.

"Brooke there is a lot you and me need to discuss but please let's not do this right now. Okay? We have been having a great day so far, let's not…let's not do this right now." He held his hands up as surrender and I shook my head.

"Okay." I said and smiled.

It was going to have to happen sooner or later and I was so afraid to know what was going to happen.

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><p><strong>Thoughts? Let me have them! :)<strong>


	17. Packing

**So I have loved all the reviews! Hey _fireangel08_ it's cool, you still review when you are able to! That's all that matters lol!**

**And _Brookrayne:_ hahaha ummm...I always LOVE your reviews...but did you happen to notice that you put in your review that you would like to see Peyton move on and maybe with Julian? Friend, Julian is dead in this story...lol...I hope that was a mistake because that would be weird? It's okay, I know I make blunders like that too lol...it's great to still hear from you as well!  
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**Okay new chapter! Enjoy!  
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><p><strong>Chapter 17: Packing<br>**

A couple of weeks have passed since Lucas and Karen rented out the old café for me. They said they would take care of the rent until they knew that my business was up and running on its own two feet. Truth be told I really didn't need their help. All of Julian's accounts were passed over to me and I had well enough money but like always Karen heavily insisted.

Today Lucas, Clay, Millicent, and I were flying to New York to start packing up the condo that I shared with Julian. Millicent and Clay had to finally leave and get back to their _real_ jobs. They were both talking about moving to Tree Hill as Clay loved working with Nathan and Millicent has grown quite fond of Mouth. It made me smile to see just how well my two groups of friends have been getting along together.

The plane ride was short and sweet. Once I was back in the New York air, I became sad. This was the place where Julian and I were making our new life together. I let out a sigh and we took a cab to the condo. The last time I was here I broke down and as we stood outside the building, Lucas grabbed my hand and gave it a small squeeze.

"You can do this." He said with a small smile.

I nodded. I already ordered a moving truck and asked for the service of two men to help. Clay agreed to meet them at the store and lead them to my place. We were going to start packing today and I would take what I want, while Clay and Millicent take what they would like back to their places. The cab took Millicent and Clay back to her apartment to get her car and get lots of boxes while Lucas and I proceeded into the building.

There was a new front desk attendant as I didn't recognize him. I smiled to him and he walked around the desk.

"Hi, do you live in this building?" He asked nicely.

I smiled.

"I, uh, I used too. My fiancé died."

"Oh yes, you're Brooke Davis? Wilkins has told me so many sweet things about you." The young boy held out his hand and I shook it.

"Yes, we'll I'm here to pack up everything and suspend my lease."

He nodded.

"Very well." He stepped aside and Lucas and I got into the elevator.

When the doors opened, Lucas walked out but I waited. I froze and he turned to face me.

"Brooke?" Lucas questioned.

I couldn't move. He stepped towards me as the doors were closing and pulled me into his arms.

"We are all here for you, Brooke." He pulled me from the elevator and with the keys in my hands, I began to shake.

"Brooke you are the strongest person I know, you can do this." Lucas said as he placed his hand on the small of my back.

I took a deep breath, looked up at him, and then placed my key into the door. It clicked and I pushed the door open. It was cold, dark, and dreary. We walked inside and I started looking around and all the memories flooded me.

"Where should we start?" Lucas asked and I took in a deep breath.

"I'll start with the bedroom. Lucas, I am sure there is a lot of food that needs to be thrown away in the kitchen." I smiled at him and he nodded again.

I walked down the hall towards our bedroom and I took a deep breath. I can do this, I know I can. I opened the door and walked inside. It still smelled like _our_ scent. My vanilla mixed with his musk. I ran to the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I sunk to the floor and started crying. I have been doing so well but being back here just made it hurt all over again. When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was a pair of pants hanging over the laundry basket. I reached for them and held them close to my chest. They smelled just like him. Was this tortured feeling ever going to leave me? Was I ever going to get pass this impulse to break down when I am reminded of Julian?

There was a knock on the door.

"Can I just be alone please?"

Of course, like always, he ignores my plea and let himself in.

"Lucas, please just leave me alone." I said with my face still buried in the pants.

He sunk down next to me and let out a small sigh.

"I'm just going to sit here with you for as long as it takes." He didn't touch me.

I kept my face in the pants as I could hear Lucas's steady breathing beside me. I never once moved; he never tried to comfort me. I hated and loved him at the same time in this moment. We sat in silence for about forty-five minutes and then the front door opened. I still didn't move and neither did Lucas.

"Brooke? Lucas?" I heard Clay call out.

Lucas got to his feet and walked out the door. I removed my tear stained face from the pants and quickly got to my feet. I balled up the pants and placed them into the laundry basket. I splashed some cold water on my face and took in a deep breath.

"_Brooke you are the strongest person I know, you can do this."_

I replayed Lucas's words in my head and I stared at myself in the mirror.

"You can do this." I whispered to myself and took in another deep breath and released it.

I walked out of the bathroom and back into the living area. Clay and Millicent were preparing the boxes and Lucas was back in the kitchen throwing away everything that was past its due date.

"Hey guys! I just want to say something." I clasped my hands together in front of me as they all gave me their attentions.

"Without any of you and my Tree Hill family at home I wouldn't have been able to get through these past two months. I owe you everything and I can't thank you enough. I love you guys and thank you!" I said not shedding a single tear.

"Of course Brookie." Millicent walked over to me and pulled me into her arms for a hug.

I looked over Millie's shoulder and Clay smiled and Lucas gave me that brooding look. It wasn't meant to be a sad, angered, or pained look, it was just his brooding look that left me confused and dying to know what he was thinking. Unlike Lucas, I couldn't read his mind; he was always a mystery to me while I was the puzzle he was always able solve.

Millie and Clay started with the spare bedroom and boxing all its belongings. As he finished with the trash, he started boxing up the kitchen materials wrapping everything securely and neatly with newspaper so nothing would beak. Lucky for us there were only two trash bags of old food and there were three boxes of kitchenware. I watched Lucas move from the kitchen to the small little nook we had rested in the corner of our "dining room" and the living room. It was our bookshelf. Books that I had and enjoyed as well as Julian's and as I started boxing the DVD collection up, I saw Lucas's eye catch onto a particular book and I smiled a little. I walked over to him and he looked up at me.

"You kept this?" He looked at me shocked and I shook my head with amusement.

"One person can make a difference and every person should try…efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction…A man does what he must-in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures-and that is the basis of all human morality." I listed off three quotes that always stayed with me from that night Lucas helped me with my student body president speech.

"John F. Kennedy. Wow, Brooke, I am impressed." He looked over his shoulder and I ran my hand over the book of quotations he gave me for winning the election.

"Believe it or not, Luke, I kept everything you ever gave me." I went back to the DVDs as Lucas started boxing all the books on the shelves.

We would steal glances at each other. Him watching to make sure I was okay and I would look at him to make sure he was okay. Lucas has told me that he has never stopped loving me and for him to be in the home I shared with Julian, I wasn't sure what kind of effect it was having on him.

It was getting late and we were almost done packing up the entire house. The plan was I would pack the bedroom up tonight and in the morning Clay would take all of Julian's clothes back to his place to sort for donation and Millicent would take some of Julian's paintings he got from Rome back with her tonight.

I looked at the clock and it was nearly eleven at night.

"Wow, I can't believe we boxed almost everything up!" I said as I was shocked I was able to keep my composure through the rest of the evening.

"What about the bedroom Brooke?" Clay asked and I let out a sigh.

"I'll be okay. Lucas will be here and I will be able to do it."

Millicent and Clay said their goodbyes and Clay said he would be back in the morning with the movers and the truck.

Once they were gone, it was just me and Lucas sitting in a dead silence.

"I guess the cable still isn't working?" Lucas chuckled and I smiled.

"No it probably still is. We set up automatic withdrawal on all our utility accounts which reminds me I need to call in the morning to get everything canceled."

He nodded and made himself comfortable on the couch and turned on the television. I really wish I knew what was going on in his head right now. He wasn't _talking_ to me about any of today's events. I knew he wanted to say something, anything, but he wasn't. Was it because of what happened earlier in the bathroom? Was he doing his best not to push me or something?

"Uh do you have a blanket or anything I could use while I sleep here tonight?" He looked up at me from the couch and I drew a blank.

He was going to sleep on the couch? Well of course he was, he couldn't sleep in _our_ bed, that would just be weird and wrong, but I also didn't want to sleep alone tonight.

"Uh yeah, I should have something." I walked into the bedroom I shared with Julian and opened the closet. Sure enough there was a fleece blanket perfect for the New York weather that was breezing through the partially opened windows in the living room.

I walked back into the living room and he was finally comfortable against the couch pillow watching Nick at Nite reruns.

"Okay well I'll be in the bedroom boxing things up if you need anything." I said and he looked up at me and smiled.

"I will. If you need anything I'll be right here." He smiled.

"Goodnight Lucas."

"Sleep well Brooke."

I walked into the bedroom and closed the door behind me. I looked around the room and really there wasn't much I could pack into boxes. Most of it was furniture. I took in a deep breath and went for the drawers. Most of Julian's clothes were here while majority of my clothes were in the closet. I ran my fingers across the soft fabrics of his clothes. The drawer I had opened first contained an assortment of t-shirts Julian used to wear. I started packing those into a box and then I came across a shirt that I knew I was going to keep. It was a shirt from our trip to the Grand Canyon. It was the first time he told me he loved me. I put that shirt aside for me to sleep in tonight. I finished packing that drawer and moved to the next one and the one after that and so on. I wasn't sure if it was a bad thing or a good thing that I was able to restrain myself from crying.

I finished emptying all the drawers and moved to the closet. I started packing up my clothes in my suitcases I left behind and then I came across something that finally pushed me to cry. The suit Julian wore the night he proposed to me. He only wore it once and it was that night. I reached for the jacket and wrapped it around my body and let out a sob that I couldn't keep quiet. I collapsed to the floor and started crying in my knees as I began to rock myself.

I jumped at the realization that there was a hand on my back and then that hand crept around my back and pulled me into a strong chest and I soaked his shirt. I grabbed onto him as if he were my last chance at survival.

"It's okay to cry Brooke even if you are trying to be strong." He whispered into my ear.

"I just…I miss him so much. I thought I was getting better but being here now I can't control my emotions." I gripped my fingers tighter around his shirt.

"Brooke, damn it, cry, let it all out you are supposed to and you are allowed to and feel this way. I've been there and if I remember you told me it was okay to cry and be sad." He was referring to the moment when Keith died and it made me even sadder.

"I'm sorry." I went to wipe my face but he stopped me.

"Believe it or not, you are beautiful when you cry. So don't worry about being vulnerable around me." He kisses the top of my head and I am taken back to a night in high school.

_I stood outside the door for what seemed like hours but really only fifteen minutes. I don't know why I was so nervous to knock or just let myself in. I know it's unlocked; it's always been unlocked ever since that pivotal moment in our lives when we decided to dive back into **us. **I was about to knock when the door opened._

"_Pretty girl, what are you doing out here, its freezing." He pulled me gently by the arm inside his warm home._

_As he looked me over he became worried._

"_Brooke, baby, what's wrong? How long have you been standing out there?" He rubbed his hands up and down my arms trying to get me warm but I really wasn't cold._

_I still didn't say anything because I felt that I was still not "allowed" to just come to him for anything. _

"_Brooke, you can tell me anything, you know that. When we got back together, we said that we would tell each other everything and it is really upsetting me to see you this way." He kissed my forehead and then led me to the bed. _

_I sat down next to him and he soothingly rubbed his hand up and down my thigh._

"_I don't even know why I am upset about it. I mean it's not like my parents really even care about me so why should I care about them, you know?" I looked up at him and he was looking at **me**. _

"_They're getting a divorce finally! I, I called to speak to my mom earlier and I guess she forgot to actually hit the end button, her and my dad started arguing and it led to a argument about me. My dad said he never wanted me but tolerated me and my mom said that she felt forced to have me to carry on the Davis, Montgomery name." I couldn't keep in my emotions anymore as I began to cry._

_Lucas pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head. _

"_You are by far the best thing that those two people could ever ask for and they have taken you for granted. Brooke Penelope Davis, my pretty girl, don't you ever think that you are a mistake or that you were not meant to be in this world because you are and believe it or not, I don't know where I would be right now if you were not in my life at all." He kissed me gently on the lips and I couldn't help but cry but this time tears of relief and happiness._

"_You are so beautiful when you cry especially when they are happy tears." He started kissing away my tears and I laughed a little._

"_What did I ever do to deserve you Lucas?" I said looking up at him._

"_I am not sure, but let me just say that I am glad I got a second chance with you! I love you." _

"_I love you."_

I looked up at Lucas and he smiled.

"I really shouldn't ask you this and it is really inappropriate but can you stay with me tonight?"

"In here?" He asked and I nodded.

"If it's what you want, Brooke." He kissed the top of my head again and I smiled.

"Yes…I just…I haven't slept in here since Julian and I were together and I couldn't bear to sleep alone."

He nodded and helped me to my feet.

"Do you want me to help you with the rest of the bedroom?" He asked and I shook my head.

"I just…I just want to sleep. After all that crying it has really tired me out." I said looking up at him and he nods again.

"Okay, well, I am going to get changed and I'll cut the TV off. I'll be back." He left the room and I went and grabbed the shirt I left out to sleep in and put on a pair of Julian's boxers.

I took the jacket and put it back on the hanger that I removed it from and straightened out the wrinkles I caused. I heard Lucas come back into the bedroom and I walked out of the closet and saw him staring at the bed. He had his fingers caressing his chin as he was thinking about something.

"What are you thinking about Broody?"

He jumped back and I didn't realize I was going to startle him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." I said as I walked closer to him.

"No, it's okay."

"Lucas what are you thinking about? You've actually been driving me crazy with your looks." I looked up at him and he grinned and then it faded away.

"Brooke, I want to be here for you in any way that you want me to be. I don't want to push you or anything. So I am just going to be _here_."

I stared at him hard and long and I spoke again.

"Lucas what were you thinking when you were staring at the bed a moment ago?"

His face hardened and his lips were parted slightly.

"I was thinking about how this was a bed you shared with him and…"

I knew what he was thinking; hell it's something that played in my mind after I left Tree Hill wondering if Lucas and Peyton would sleep together in Lucas's bed after all the times we had. I even thought about it when I came to see him a few weeks ago and we slept together for a little bit in the bed that we used to have sex in, which _they_ used to have sex in. I shuddered and went to pull the sheets back.

"Lucas, please let's just go to sleep." I said because I wasn't sure what else to say at this moment and I didn't want to upset either one of us.

He didn't say anything and started helping me pull the covers back and I noticed that I was getting into Julian's side of the bed. Once I felt comfortable enough to get in bed, Lucas followed me and we both lay on our backs staring at the ceiling.

"Thanks again Lucas for everything. I realize that there is a lot that still needs to be discussed between us, but you being here right now, it means everything to me." I said still staring at the ceiling afraid to look at him or move.

Then I felt his hand creep over to mine under the sheets and he gave it a small squeeze.

"You're welcome. Get some sleep Brooke."

About twenty minutes went by and Lucas had fallen asleep while I was still wide awake. I looked over and he was still on his back with his head facing away from me with his arm draped over his stomach. I turned to face him and was reminded of all the times I would sleep with Julian and then all the times I slept next to Lucas. I scooted closer to him and as if he knew, the arm that was on his stomach went up around my head and to my shoulders pulling me closer to him.

"Lucas?"

I got no response and I wondered if he may have done it in his sleep. Just like that I was finally able to fall asleep.

* * *

><p>I suddenly jolted awake and realized just how cold it was in the room. As I looked around I almost forgot where I was and then I felt a warm body next to mine. I turned to my side and found her sleeping perfectly. I flipped on my side to face her and her face looked so soft that I wanted to reach out and touch her but even though we slept in the same bed last night, it would be very inappropriate for me to touch her that way. I got out of the bed quietly and saw the clock by her side of the bed read seven thirty in the morning. It was still very early but I knew that Brooke would want coffee. Lucky for us there was a Dean and Deluca down the street.<p>

I took a quick shower and got dressed and was relieved that Brooke was still sleeping. I left her a note just in case she woke in a panic. I grabbed her keys and left the building. As I walked down the streets I had to imagine Brooke walking down these same streets with Julian by her side. It was a stab in my heart to picture her with someone else especially after confronting my never ending feelings that I've had buried for all these years. I remember last night staring at the bed and having disturbing images of her having sex with another man. I think she caught on that but she wasn't going to say anything and I sure as hell wasn't going to mention it either.

I got to the coffee shop, got two cups of coffee and headed back to the condo. This coffee was delicious and couldn't wait to surprise Brooke with her very own cup. Once I got to the door, I held my cup in between my teeth to free one of my hands to unlock the door. I looked around and didn't see her. Wow, was it possible that she was still asleep? I quietly walked down the hall to the bedroom just in case she was still asleep. I opened the door slowly and the bed was empty but I was greeted with a different image. Brooke was naked getting ready to put on a pair of underwear.

"Shit!" I coughed out and Brooke jumped off the ground.

"Lucas, get out!" She hollered at me and it was like I was in a trance.

My legs wouldn't move and my eyes refused to close.

"LUCAS!" She growled as she reached for the sheet to cover herself up.

"Fuck! I am so sorry." I ran into the bathroom and set her half spilled coffee on the counter.

I heard her shuffling around and I became completely embarrassed. Then again, she saw me naked weeks ago, I'm not saying its fair, but she definitely overreacted. I was pulled from my thoughts when she entered the bathroom red as an apple.

"Is that supposed to be my coffee?" She asked as if nothing happened.

"Yes." It came out a little husky and she grinned.

"Thank you. I love Dean and Deluca." She walked out of the bathroom.

Her body never looked more beautiful. When I finally got the courage to walk out of the bathroom, she was sitting at her dresser doing her best to cover up the scar.

"Why do you do that?" I asked her as I went to take the sheets off the bed to keep myself from staring at her.

"Because I don't like it when people stare at me."

I let out a bitter chuckle.

"Brooke, I've never noticed anyone to stare at you like that and it's a beautiful scar."

She slammed one of pieces of make up on the counter and when I turned to face her she was glaring at me.

"Do you like stalk me or something?"

"Jeez, Brooke, no, it's just if you remember correctly we have been spending a lot of time together lately and I am just observant." I placed the sheets in the nearest box and she lowered her head.

"Yeah well Tree Hill may be different but New York they judge you based on everything. I guess that is something I will not miss about this place." She continued to cover up the scar.

"But you will because it's where you and Julian were going to build your life together."

She stopped applying powder to her face and stared at her reflection.

"I'm going to finish packing everything up in here okay?" She said and I nodded.

She changed the subject quickly but I know she doesn't want to cry again and maybe talking about it would upset her again. I walked back into the living room and started arranging the boxes near the door in an organized manner. Brooke was still in the bedroom while I waited for Clay and the movers to come. Not even twenty minutes later there was a knock on the door and Clay and two other men were at the door. Between the four of us we started moving the furniture. Millicent showed up a little bit later and started helping Brooke carry out the boxes they were secure in carrying themselves. A little over an hour later, the entire condo was packed up in the moving truck. Brooke requested Clay and Millicent's key copies to the condo and left them with Wilkins at the front desk.

Brooke stood outside the building in between Millicent and Clay. I stood by the truck as the two movers got into their truck and left.

"You're doing the right thing, Davis." Clay said as he nudged Brooke.

"Yeah, I am so proud of you for opening your own boutique and in a place that makes you feel safe and at home." Millicent wrapped her arm around Brooke's waist and Brooke rested her head on Millicent's shoulder.

"Yeah, it's just going to be hard to actually say goodbye to this place. It was home for a little while."

We all said our goodbyes and Brooke and I started our long ten hour drive back to Tree Hill. I wish we were able to pack everything on a plane but it just wasn't that simple anymore. The drive started off in silence and Brooke ended up falling asleep. I drove thinking about the past, the present, and the unknown future. Was Brooke going to be a part of my future? Or the real question is: was I going to be in her future and as what? A friend or boyfriend? I knew all of this was too soon to think about but that's just it, it is constantly on my mind. I do know that I recently ended things with Peyton, but if I was really honest with myself was it a relationship with Peyton or a security blanket that I knew I was always going to be safe in?

My phone vibrating pulled me out of my thoughts and I answered it quietly.

"Hello?"

"_Hey we were just wondering how the move was going?" _

I look over at the sleeping beauty and smile a little.

"Great, actually. We're on the road right now."

"_Wow, that was quick and why are you whispering?" _

"Brooke is sleeping dumb ass."

"_Ouch, that hurt big brother." _

I giggled a little and Nate spoke up again.

"_So…has she said anything about moving in with you yet?" _

I still can't believe I did that. I can't believe I jumped the gun on that one. It was irrational and stupid. This was something that neither of us was ready for.

"No, and I had no business asking her either."

Nathan took in a deep breath and I could tell he was grinning.

"_Luke, believe it or not, yes, when Brooke is here with us and especially Jamie, she is happy, but when she's with you, it's like she's in a different world. She's better, carefree; she's the Brooke we all remembered." _

I look over at her quickly and she's still sleeping as she takes in slow steady breaths.

"Maybe, but moving in with me, I don't know. I feel that it will give me false hope and I'd rather keep her at arm's length."

"_Okay first of all that's a lie. You would be ecstatic to have Brooke living under your roof as a girlfriend or a friend." _

Yes that was true, but I don't ever want to put Brooke in a situation she wouldn't be comfortable in, but…

"Nathan, this shouldn't be a conversation we should have right now. Look we've been driving for about an hour and we got about nine more to go…I'll call you when we are close. Okay bye." I placed my phone back in the cup holder and looked over at Brooke who was still asleep.

About three more hours, I had to stop and get gas. Once I cut the engine off, Brooke stirred and I leaned my arm across the back of the seat and turned to face her.

"Hey sleepy head."

She sat upright in the seat and turned to face me.

"Hmm…where are we?" She looked around and was finally able to let out a smile.

"We're right outside DC. We got about another five hours to go. I am just filling up right now." I leaned towards her and brushed the hair from her face.

She didn't flinch or move, she let me touch her and I smiled.

"Okay, I'll take my turn driving." She smiled and I shook my head.

"Brooke, I really don't mind. We're making good timing and I don't think we'll need to stay overnight or anything. You're tired; sleep as long as you need too."

She nodded and we both got out of the truck. I started putting gas in the truck and Brooke went inside. As I was finishing filling up the tank, I was going to go inside as well to get something to eat but Brooke came back with a handful of food.

"So lucky for us, there is an Arby's in there, so I got you the classic: a Arby's melt with curly fries, a coke, and for a dessert, a Milky Way." She smiled and I couldn't believe she remembered some of the small things that I like.

"Thank you!"

We sat in the truck and ate our lunch together.

"This reminds me of that trip we took to New York to see Haley." She giggled and I smiled.

"Yeah, we were both so hungry that we stopped at a run down McDonald's and you refused to eat inside because of all the creeps, you called them, so we ate in the car." I laughed again at the memory.

That was a great road trip. It was just me and Brooke ten hours there and ten hours back. Even though I was madly in love with her and she never realized it and then on the way back she mentions all of that stuff about Peyton in my room, I should have blurted it out to her then and there in the car.

"So when I mentioned all the stuff you still had about Peyton, why didn't you say anything then?"

She was the one to take me by surprise this time. I took another bite of a curly fry and then turned to her.

"Because Brooke I was so afraid then that if I told you and you didn't feel the same way, I am pretty sure I would have died." I let out a nervous chuckle.

She smiled.

"I think I would have reacted the same way I did when you finally did tell me before I left for California."

We fell into another silence and that little talk we need to have was bubbling on the surface, but I wasn't going to do that with her in the confinements of a vehicle where neither one of us could escape.

We finished our food and I started the truck up again. She turned the music on and a soft melody played through the truck. We drove a little more in a silence but it wasn't awkward this time, it was actually peaceful.

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><p><strong>Thoughts? Just letting you guys know that I after watching a certain movie, I was able to create this storyline by its inspiration and I hope that when I get to that specific chapter, you'll notice the dialogue I am going to borrow from it...it's one of my favorite scenes of all time and it was then that I wanted to write this story! Review and let me know what you thought! XoXo<strong>


	18. Newsflash

**A/N: Hey guys it's been a crazy two weeks and I am sorry that I haven't updated in awhile. Thank you to those who replied with concerns and thoughts about my brother. That was extremely lovely and nice of you! Hopefully I can get more chapters up soon for all of my stories now! Thank you!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 18: Newsflash<br>**

I wake up still not used to my surroundings. I let my eyes wander around the pale pink walls and my eyes rest on the picture resting on the shelf. I smile and sit upright. I find my robe and proceed to the bathroom. I walk out into the hallway and I notice that I am alone. The room across from me is empty and I frown a little but proceed to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready for the day ahead of me.

I walk down the streets of Tree Hill and smile to myself. This was home no matter where I end up in life. It's these streets that are familiar to me and the warm faces I see everyday. I stand in front of my store and my heart flutters. It's mine, all mine. I unlock the door and step inside my very own boutique. A lot of the clothes that are in here are by locals as well as a few friends of mine from New York. I really wanted to make at some point in my life make wedding dresses but I figured I would wait to do that one. I went to college for fashion design and graduated near the top of my field.

My sketchbook is just where I left it on my desk in the back of the store. Millicent had finally put in her resignation with the firm in New York and has decided to move to Tree Hill and be co-owner of _Davis Designs._ I can't forget the long night I spent with Haley and Lucas trying to decide on a name for my store.

"_Well why not Clothes Over Bros? I mean it was something special to you." Haley asked and of course that name was special to me._

"_Yeah, I did love that name but that's my past and I want to look forward to the future. I've thought about that, but in the long run I want to make clothes for men and babies, so I want something that is neutral and can work for everyone." I said as I took a sip of my coffee._

"_How about Jamie's Awesome Store." _

_We all giggled at Jamie's input for a name._

"_If I was opening up a toy store that would definitely be the name silly." I said to him and he rolled his eyes at me._

"_So I am guessing Pretty Girl is out of the question?" Lucas said and I looked over at him as we shared a glance at each other._

"_Well how about something with your name?" Haley quickly made us come out of our trance and I nodded._

"_Yeah. Something with Davis…ooooh! How about Davis Designs? It's simple and gender friendly." I said._

"_Yes, it's sophisticated as well as casual and elegant. The whole package. I think you've found a winner." Haley said as she smiled at me._

"_Yeah and you could do like something like those hot shot designers do, like give names to different lines. Maybe one for men or for women, and especially babies, if it's something you decide to do." Lucas smiled at me and I liked that idea. _

I looked around and even though I haven't really started making my own clothes yet, it was great to sell locals as well as some rather well known New York fasionistas.

It has been three months since Lucas and Karen bought this store for me. Two months since the store officially opened and one month since I decided to take a huge leap and move in with Lucas, temporarily, of course.

Things were a little awkward at first as we still haven't had that _talk_, but after some time it seemed to vanish and we got into a routine. He would wake up first, cook breakfast, we would carry on with our days, I would make dinner, I would sketch, he would write. It was nice and we never once brought up the past or where our relationship stood today.

The bell on the door jingled and I was greeted with my first customer of the day. My heart stopped as I recognized the person immediately.

"Well, you know I had to show up for myself and see it with my own eyes." She tossed her perfectly styled hair around her shoulders and twirled on her expensive shoes as her golden eyes fell upon me.

"What are you doing here?" I bitterly asked.

"Well to see my one and only daughter of course."

It was like a knife in my heart. A daughter always loves to hear her mother say things like that, but this only made me want to throw up.

"Why?"

"Well I heard my daughter decided to open her own store in the most God awful place on the planet. I just couldn't believe it."

"So you flew three thousand miles just to say that?"

She crossed her arms over her chest and pursed her lips at me.

"Now look, Brooke Penelope, I know that our relationship is definitely hanging by a very loose thread, but you are my daughter and I was nearly thrilled to hear that you were doing something with your life." It almost sounded like she was being genuine about her choice of words, but with Victoria Davis, there was always a catch.

"And?"

She rolled her eyes and walked closer to me.

"And nothing."

I looked over her for a brief moment and then her eyes fell upon my face and she gasped.

"Brooke, what happened to your face?"

It was funny, you know? I mean I haven't really seen this woman in nearly two years and when something major happens to me like a car accident and my fiancé dying, I have failed to mention that to her.

"I was in a car accident and my fiancé died." I really didn't want to talk about it, but my mother was here and she never found out the truth.

"Brooke Davis, I am your mother and had every right to know something like this! How did you keep this from me?"

"Well mother where have you been in my life for the past four years?" I was livid now and didn't know what else to say to her.

"I'll be staying at the Inn when you are ready to have a civil conversation with me." She placed her sunglasses back over her eyes and headed for the door.

"Don't waste your time waiting for that to happen because it won't."

She didn't say anything as she left. Becky shortly showed up after my mother's appearance. I hired a part time seventeen year old to help out at the store until Millicent's move was official. She was extremely interested in fashion and for some ridiculous reason loved me. She had always read about me and Julian in the newspapers and heard the juicy gossip of my past with Lucas and Peyton and how it was known as Tree Hill High's most epic love triangle. She became even more star struck the first time she met Lucas.

"Becky, I'll be in the back working on some sketches if you need anything please come and get me." I gave her a smile and she nodded.

I was able to create six different sketches for my women's line. Taking on Lucas's idea, I was going to call the woman's line, _Pretty Girl_, of course. I have also created the name, _Baby Davis_, for the children's line, _Cheery Girl_ for young females, _Broody Boy_, for young males, and _Davis Men_ for a men's line. It was an extreme work in progress that no one knew about.

A few more hours went by and we were able to sell quite a few items. I was surprised around two o'clock when Lucas showed up. A lovesick sigh escaped Becky when Lucas walked through the door.

"Good afternoon, Becky. I have a cream cheese bagel and a latté for you!" He handed her a bag and a cup as he winked at her then he turned towards me.

My heart fluttered just a little and I couldn't help but feel like a lovesick teenager as well.

"And what's for me?" I asked noticing his hands were empty.

"Well if it's okay with your assistant over here, I was hoping to take you out for a late lunch." He said as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

Lucas rarely stopped by to do lunch, but always stopped by to drop off an afternoon snack.

"Becky, is it okay if I leave for a little bit?" I mocked him and he rolled his eyes.

"Definitely!" She said as she smiled lovingly at Lucas.

I shook my head as I grabbed my purse and followed him out of the store. We walked side by side to the nearest little restaurant.

"How's the store?"

"Good, progressing as it should be. I was able to work on a few sketches of my own." I said and I saw the smile come across his face.

"Brooke, that's great! I've finally finished my book and I am getting it bound right now for its very first read."

My entire body became flushed with excitement. He told me I would be the very first one to read his print and I felt the impatient wanting.

"That's great, Luke!"

We finally made it inside the tiny place and ordered something to drink. We talked a little about Karen, Lily, and Andy. They were coming to visit soon and I couldn't wait. I never really got a chance to spend much time with Lily and I was exited for their arrival. I missed Karen terribly as well.

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><p>Things were going pretty well between the two people who could easily pass for a couple in love. The slender woman who had her face buried in a book happened to look up and saw the two people who she used to love with all of her bring laugh together. Her heart fell to the pit of her stomach. She couldn't help but watch as the two finished their meal and get up to leave. She panicked and started to walk away quickly. She was out of their sight but when someone approached the couple, her ears immediately perked up.<p>

"Are you Brooke Davis?"

The brunette looked to the blonde beside her confused and then addressed the man who spoke to her.

"Yes?"

"Oh great! I am Vick Turner with New York Enquirer. So with the truth finally revealed about the death of Julian Baker, widely known movie producer, what do you have to say about the situation?"

The woman hiding behind the wall of the small alley nearly dropped her book at the mention of Julian Baker and the beginning of harassment towards Brooke Davis.

"Excuse me, but that is none of your damn business." Lucas stood between Brooke and the Turner fellow.

The woman in the alley watched as the shock and fear crept across the brunette's face.

"Miss Davis, how does it feel being listed as someone who is at fault for the favored movie producer's death?"

_The nerve of this ass hole._ The slender woman placed her book in her purse.

"You better step back or else I'll show you what it's like to eat pavement."

"So you must be Lucas Scott. The famous ex-boyfriend who wrote the novel going in extreme detail of the love you shared with Brooke Davis. Was this some sort of plot to get rid of Julian Baker and take all his money to start your own clothing store and get back with your one true love?"

The woman in hiding came out and made her presence known as she knew where this conversation was heading.

"If I were you, I would take two steps back before you eat more than pavement."

The couple was both shocked as they saw the one and only Peyton Sawyer came to their defense.

"Ah yes, Peyton Sawyer the other corner of the triangle. How does it feel to see your boyfriend with your best friend?"

Peyton did her best to not shed any tears or become enraged by that known fact.

"Quote me: I broke up with him because I didn't love him anymore and Brooke has never stopped loving Julian even after his death. If you want to write something in your paper, then write this. Brooke Davis is one of the most compassionate persons I know and she loved Julian Baker more than anything or anyone in this world. She was badly injured and hurt in the accident that led to Julian's death. You have some nerve coming here and harassing her like this." Peyton stood between the couple and the reporter staring him down.

"Well the plot to this story thickens. Miss Davis know that no matter what the _real_ story is between the three of you now, just know that with the truth of Julian's death finally out in the open and how you and his family tried to keep it a secret, well let's just say it isn't going to look good on you. Just know Miss Sawyer, I _will_ be quoting you." He winked at Peyton and she rolled her eyes.

The man left leaving the couple behind Peyton still in shock at the accusation by the man and the sudden defense of Peyton Sawyer. She turned to look at them and then walked away.

"Peyton!" Brooke and Lucas said at the same time.

She stopped dead in her tracks, took a deep breath, and turned to face them.

"Look, I didn't want the situation getting messy and I just did what I thought was best. I really should be getting back to the studio." Peyton turned to walk away again and before she even realized what was happening, Brooke stood before her with her arms wrapped tightly around the woman she used to call best friend.

"I don't care why you did it, it's just because you did. Thank you."

Peyton felt tears sting her eyes and did her best not to let them fall.

"Yeah, I really need to get back." Peyton brushed Brooke off gently and headed back towards her car.

The moment she felt safe in the Comet, she let the tears fall down and she sped away towards Tric.

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><p>I sat at my desk replaying the day's events in my head: the nasty reporter, Peyton, and Brooke's mom. Brooke told me about her mother stopping by earlier today and her brief stay in Tree Hill. The real question was why was she here and what did she want?<p>

I heard something in Brooke's room and I got up from my chair, walked across the hall, and peeked into her room. She was sitting in the middle of the floor looking through photos.

"What are you doing?" I asked her and her head popped up and turned to look at me.

"Uh, Peyton. These are all the photos I've hidden away for years that I have of Peyton." She nodded over to me and I sat down next to her on the floor.

There were several photos in her hands that I've never seen before. Photos of the two of them when they were younger when I didn't know either one of them at all. They were strangers in a sea of people in Tree Hill. I picked up one photo of Brooke and Peyton and it was right before they met me.

"That was at the end of freshmen year." She pointed and I nodded.

"Yeah, I know. It was right before either one of you really met me." I placed the photo back in the box in front of her and she turned towards me.

"Lucas what has happened between me and Peyton is not your fault. I mean at first I blamed you, trust me, but it's not your fault. I just really believe that at some point she just lost her way. It's what Peyton does. When she loses her way, she does crazy things."

I particularly didn't like Brooke giving excuses for Peyton's behavior especially when it came to me. It was my fault that these two were not speaking to each other and their long time friendship has ended.

"Lucas, stop it."

I whipped my head up and couldn't believe she was reading my mind.

"It is not your fault, so please stop thinking that it is." She never took her eyes off of the photos in her hands.

"Okay." I was going to let her win this argument even though I didn't agree with her.

"How are you doing Brooke?" I feel like I haven't really asked her this question since she's moved in and now with her mom, the reporter, and Peyton. There was so much.

"I honestly don't know. I just can't believe that reporter had the nerve to say I plotted the accident and wanted Julian dead for his money."

I saw the tears start to form behind her eyes.

"Brooke everyone who knows you knows that is not the case. You are not close to being capable of something like that." I placed my hand on her back and rubbed it consolingly.

"I just…I finally thought that I could put this behind me. Julian, the accident, and now it's all rushing back." Her hands begin to shake a little.

"Brooke don't let any of this put you down. You have been doing so well and you've been smiling and enjoying yourself. Please don't go back to that dark place."

Her face fell and she started shoving all the photos back into the box in a hurried rush.

"Brooke, calm down."

Her whole body jolted when I touched her.

"Lucas, I really just want to be alone right now. Please?"

I didn't say anything as I got up from the floor, walked out the room, and closed the door behind me. I rested against the wall by her door and heard her shuffle around and finally get into bed. It wasn't even seven o'clock and we haven't even had dinner yet either.

I walked down the hall and into the kitchen. I proceeded to make myself a sandwich and grabbed a beer and went to the porch. I reached for my phone and dialed the only person I thought of that could help this situation.

"_Hello?"_

"Hey man! It's Lucas."

"_Luke, hey, what's going on?"_

"Well you know how you and Rachel were planning on visiting?"

"_Yeah, why?"_

"Well any way you can speed up that process? A reporter confronted Brooke about Julian's death today and I feel she is slipping back into her nightmare." I drank half of my beer and ran my hand through my hair.

"_Damn that's horrible. Yeah I am sure we can work something out. Jenny has a dance recital the next two nights so we could come in a few days."_

I let out a sigh of relief and wanted this to be a surprise for Brooke.

"This will mean a lot to her and to me. I just…I don't want her slipping away again and I feel like she will lose herself again and I…" I felt my own hands begin to shake.

"_Lu-Luke are you okay?" _

I had to take a moment to control my emotions. I just got Brooke back after all the crazy drama, lies, and manipulation, and if I lose her again to the darkness, I was not sure I could bring her back.

"I just got her back Jake, I can't lose her again."

"_Brooke is al lot stronger than we all give her credit for and knowing that you are there for her, she will be fine. Just keep being there for her and taking care of her because that's all she needs." _

"Thanks Jake. I'll see you in a few days."

"_No problem! We'll see you then." _

I sat out on the porch a little longer just listening to the stillness of the evening and the steady breaths I was taking. I finally walked back inside and Brooke was still in bed. I figured even though I knew she wouldn't eat, I would try to make her a meal and give it to her anyway.

I knocked on the door gently and heard her mumble and I walked inside. Brooke was lying on her side with her back towards me as I went to her side of the bed.

"Hey I made you something to eat just in case."

She nodded and didn't say anything.

It was amazing to see her in such an amazing mood earlier today and then with the attack by the reporter she changes completely.

"Okay, well goodnight." I got up from the bed and I felt her move around a little.

"Lucas."

I turned towards her.

"Stay with me."

I smiled with relief.

"Of course."

It did seem that no matter what she was going through she did need me and it felt great to hear it. I went and turned off all the lights, locked the doors, and grabbed a book I planned on reading and got into bed wit her. At first, she didn't move or anything. I reached across her to cut on the bedside lamp and when I did she opened her eyes and looked up at me.

"Is this going to bother you? I don't have to read." I started to panic a little.

She shook her head gently and the life in her eyes was slowly fading away.

"Just as long as you're here, it doesn't matter."

I was still leaning across from her and our eyes were locked. All I really wanted to do was kiss her. I wanted to make all this fear, pain, and anxiety disappear.

"Okay." I finally pulled away from her and rested against the headboard and opened the book.

I started reading and she shifted in the bed closer to me. I wrapped my arm around her and those feelings that I have had buried inside of me was starting to burst through and I wasn't quite sure if she realized the effect she was having on me.

Sooner or later…it was going to come out.

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><p><strong>Thoughts? A lot happened in this chapter and I want to get Peyton to a place where she needs to be in this story. So we've had 18 chapters already so I think it's time we get to the BRUCAS moment I've been waiting to write! The movie that inspired my story will be revealed in the next chapter! Stay tuned! xoxo<strong>


	19. Going to Be Hard

**So as promised the chapter we've all been waiting for! I am going to credit the movie for it's amazing lines at the end of the chapter and see if any of you can guess which lines and movie I used...it should be easy! Thanks for checking in on me and being so passionate about my work. I am just, I mean there is no word to describe how busy I am right now that I seriously do not get a lot of me time, so I am glad that I was able to squeeze out a tiny chapter for you! Enjoy it!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 19: Going to be Hard<br>**

"I can't keep doing this!" I ran my hand through my hair in frustration as my brother sat across from me with a smirk on his face.

"Dude, you knew what you were getting yourself into from the beginning. She made it very clear and hell you even agreed to her terms." He pointed out to me.

"I know and I thought I could control my feelings but I can't hold them in any longer. I have to tell her."

Nathan shook his head and let out a long, heavy sigh.

"I think it's still too early."

"Nate, man, it's been seven months since the accident and about four since she moved in with me. I realize that's not a long time but I need her to know everything. I just can't keep up with this anymore. I mean I don't know how Brooke feels, but she has to feel something. I mean we still haven't talked about the past or any of it."

"Are you going to _show_ her?"

I looked up at him and the overwhelming feeling to vomit erupted through me.

"I don't know."

"Man, Luke, you know you just sat here and said that you wanted her to know everything. It's time." Nathan walked away and was gone for some time.

Of course I remember what I just said to him but _those_ are something I never wanted to show her.

"Maybe." I said to myself as chills coursed through me.

Nathan walked back into the room with the box in his hands. He placed the box in front of me and I cringed a little.

"Take it. Do what you like with it, but I am not keeping it here any longer. It's time. Now get out of my house. We have family day." Nathan said as he began to help me get out of my seat.

I laughed at him as I cautiously grabbed the box. Nate began to push me out of the house. Once we were outside, we noticed the sky turning a wicked shade of grey.

"Your family day might get cut short." I said to him.

"Maybe. Has she done that thing she used to do lately?"

"You mean sit in the pouring cold rain and get sick? No, well, not that I am aware." I really hope that she hasn't been sneaking out of the house and doing that.

The whole tabloid story was still an issue for Brooke. Even though it has been months since the story was revealed, it will never settle right with what they called her and accusing her for killing Julian.

"I know you are looking out for her and I know that she has been progressing, but you never know with Brooke." Nathan said as he pulled me in for a quickly brotherly hug.

I drove down to Brooke's store which was prospering very well. She was getting more customers, she was able to get more clothing lines and she was finally finishing her portfolio of her own work.

The rain started to pour just as I reached the boutique. I ran inside and found my favorite sweet girl behind the counter. I blushed as she smiled at me.

"Hey Becky, where's Brooke?" I brushed the water from my hair and patted my jacket down.

"She, she left about twenty minutes ago. She left me in charge, kind of a slow day with the storm coming and everything." She batted her lashes at me and I couldn't help but blush again.

"Did she say where she was going?"

"No, she just said she needed to leave. She left me the keys and everything. It will be my first time closing the store by myself." She carried on as I began to get worried.

"Did anything strange happen today at work that might have set Brooke off to just leave?"

Becky was obviously distracted by me but I gave her a stern look as the day flashed through her head again.

"Well yeah something did happen. Some messenger stopped by and brought Brooke a package. After she opened it, she got rid of it and was like a zombie for the rest of the time right before she left." Becky crossed her arms and leaned over the counter revealing a lot of cleavage.

I leaned in.

"Becky, you are a beautiful, bright young lady. Thank you and you don't have to try so hard." I winked at her and her mouth fell open.

"Be safe and close the store properly." I waved to her and headed for the car.

The rain was bitter and angry as it beat violently against the windshield. I had to drive about twenty miles per hour because I couldn't see anything in front of me. Once I made it to the house, I noticed that Brooke's car wasn't there, but I figured I would go inside and look just to make sure.

"Brooke?" I called out and I got no response.

I cursed under my breath and called her cell phone. It went straight to voicemail.

"Damn it!" I gripped my fingers tightly around my phone and hurried out to my car.

By now I am just soaked and I start driving to where I believe Brooke would be. I drive through town and I don't see her car anywhere. I go to the River Court, I call Nathan and Haley. Then it hit me. I knew exactly where she went.

I drove like a bat out of hell, well, I wanted too. I drove a good fifty five miles per hour to my destination knowing exactly where she would go and the storm was not letting up any. Then I saw her car. An hour later, I was a little relieved to finally find her. I wrapped my jacket tightly around me and made my way to where I knew she would be. The trees were blowing from side to side fiercely and some of the limbs hit me. I really hope there isn't going to be a hurricane. This is almost what it feels like. I finally came to the clearing and there she was sitting Indian style right at the edge of the cliff. My heart stopped.

"BROOKE!" I shouted out to her and she didn't move.

I ran to her and placed my hands on her shoulders and brought her to her feet. Her face was pale and she was shaking.

"Brooke, open your eyes, look at me!" I shouted at her again over the rain beating against the ground.

"Is it ever going to end?" She barely whispered.

"What?" I asked her.

"This nightmare." She looked up at me.

"Brooke it can be over whenever you want it to be. You just have to let yourself break free." I really wanted to take her to the car so I can get her out of this storm.

"No, I can't. It's not that simple."

I didn't want to hear her speak this way. I was actually getting sick of hearing it.

"It's been seven months, Brooke, and I know it's hard, but you have to let go and move on from this. You are doing so well with everything." I said brushing the wet strands of hair from her face.

"It doesn't matter. I can never be happy, it's not possible."

"God damn it, Brooke!"

I stepped back and ran my hands through my hair roughly slicking it back out of my face.

"You are the most beautiful, brightest woman I know who has been blessed with amazing friends and family. You deserve to be happy and it's what you can be, but you aren't allowing yourself to do it!" I was getting frustrated and almost angry with her.

"It's not that simple." She said.

"It _is_ that simple! I love you Brooke and damn it, I can make you happy!" I finally let it out and the look on her face.

"You love me!" She said sarcastically as she pushed me and I stepped backwards.

"You fucking love me! Why? I am a horrible person!" She pushed me again and I took hold of her arms to stop her.

"I have always loved you, Brooke, and I don't think I ever stopped."

She walked away from me and had her back to me for some time.

"Why didn't you come after me? Why didn't you try to find me? Was Peyton's manipulations that great and believable? It wasn't over for me! I waited for you for five years but now it's too late"

"It wasn't over for you! Then why did you fucking leave Brooke? I mean were you just that insecure about me? About us? Don't you stand there and make this to all be my fault!" I pointed my finger towards her.

She started shaking her head.

"I know okay! I know! But Lucas it was always Peyton and even you can't deny that!" She pointed her finger back at me accusingly.

"Just stop it Brooke! I was devastated and distraught when you left that I even did something that…that I thought I would never have to reveal." I paused and saw the tears fall from her eyes.

"I wrote you. I wrote you 365 letters. I wrote you everyday for a year but I didn't know where to send them." I said barely.

"You wrote me?" I could see her tears through the rain.

"Yes…it wasn't over…it still isn't over!" I hurried over to her and pulled her into my arms kissing her as if I never have before.

My arms tightened around her soaked clothes bringing her body into mine. Kissing Brooke Davis was unlike any other experience I've ever had. I honestly don't know how I've been able to go so long without doing this with her. It took her a minute to accept my kiss and my embrace and she finally caved and brought her fingers into my hair yanking me closer to her and she intensified the kiss.

I didn't care that we were out in the open but it was secluded and I just wanted her: all of her. I picked her up and her legs automatically wrapped around my waist. I carried her away from the edge and towards the bunch of rocks to give us more privacy. I gently laid her upon the ground and reached for her sweater. She let me take it off of her and I went for her shoes pulling them off one by one. Even though we were in the middle of a rainstorm I wanted to be gentle to her. I wanted to show her just how much I have always loved her. Her jeans were a little harder to remove as they clung to her body. She was finally clad in only her bra and panties. She was the most beautiful woman ever.

She leaned up slowly as the rain caressed over her eyes and she blinked furiously. She let her nails run up my torso to my chest as she removed my shirt. I massaged her shoulders as she did this and I brought my lips back to hers. She tasted like perfection. Everything about her was intoxicating leaving me only wanting more. I couldn't stand it any longer. I removed her bra and she pulled off her panties. I unbuckled my jeans and she surprised me by reaching for my dick and pulling it out. She looked at it with wonder and then back up to me. I leaned over her and held my dick towards her entrance.

"We don't have to do this."

She placed her fingers over my lips and bucked her hips towards me. It was enough to let me know that she wanted this. I thrust my member into her gently and started my motions. The rain didn't make this easy but I wanted every part of her and I didn't care what was happening. She moaned and it was an amazing sound.

Her arms ran up my back and to my shoulders pulling me further into her. I reached down and took her lips. My tongue chased hers in her mouth until it finally caught it. Her hips bucked into mine and I felt I was going to explode at any moment. Then when she purred in my ear it was enough to send me over the edge. I released my orgasm and she came quickly after me.

I wrapped my arms around her tightly almost forgetting the rain that was washing over us.

"Brooke, I love you so much."

She didn't say anything and then a loud crack of lightning hit the side of the cliff.

"Let's get out of here."

She nodded and I handed her my jacket as I fastened my jeans and belt. She was only wearing my soaking wet jacket as I helped her gather the rest of our clothes. I took her hand and for the first time I heard her giggle.

"What's so funny pretty girl?"

"Nothing. Hurry." She said as she slid in some mud.

This time I laughed at her and we finally made it to the car.

She climbed in and then I remembered I had some blankets in the trunk.

"What are you doing?" She called out.

"Hang on." I ran around to the trunk of the car and pulled out the plush material and hurried back inside.

"Here…something to keep us dry."

She took off the soaking wet jacket and wrapped herself perfectly with the blanket. I watched her as she revealed her beautiful skin and then craftily wrap herself up in the blanket. I quickly covered myself up as well trying to prevent either one of us from getting sick.

She fell asleep on the ride back to Tree Hill and I did my best to think about what just happened and how to make sense of all of it. I told her how I felt. I told her about _my_ letters. I told her that it was never over for me…never over for us. I turned to look at her and she was still sleeping. A part of me started to think that she felt this was all a mistake.

The storm was still not letting up at all. The rain poured and was trying desperately to pierce through the windshield. As we got back to the house I wanted to make our run to the house discrete seeing as to how we were both in only blankets.

"Brooke…babe…wake up." I shook her gently to stir her from her slumber.

She turned and it almost seemed she forgot what just happened between us.

"Let's go."

We both got out of the car and I took her hand in mine and we made our run for the front porch. I heard Brooke giggle and once we reached the porch, someone cleared their throat.

Brooke and I just stared at the person sitting on the swing.

"I went to the store to see you and Becky told me that you left suddenly and I became worried. I tried calling you both but it seems like you two are doing just fine." She crossed her arms over her small frame and stared at us.

Brooke quickly dropped my hand.

"I'm sorry. It's just been a really bad day."

"It doesn't seem that way to me." The hurt and pain was noticeable in her voice.

Yes things seem to be getting slowly better with Peyton but I am sure for her seeing Brooke and I in just blankets doesn't help her out at all.

"What did you need Peyton?" I asked quietly.

"I just wanted to see Brooke. I got worried when Becky told me you left and I just came here in hopes to find you. I had called both of your phones but neither answered so I thought I would wait here." Peyton got up, grabbed her raincoat, and started leaving.

Brooke and I didn't know what to say. What do you say to your ex best friend and your ex girlfriend after she has seen her former best friend and former lover _together_?

"Peyton—"

"Brooke, I'll talk to you later." Peyton ran out in the rain and towards her car.

I quickly unlocked the house and she ran inside. She ran towards her room and slammed the door shut. I was a little disappointed that she disappeared so quickly. Maybe she was regretting what just happened between us. I went to my room, changed into some clean, dry clothes and waited for her in the kitchen. Twenty minutes went by and she still wasn't out of her room. I grew frustrated. I went to knock on her door but she came out dressed in my hoodie and a pair of shorts.

"Hey." I said to her.

"Hey." She said brushing the hair from her face.

"What's wrong?" I asked letting out a sigh.

"I just think…what we did was a mistake." She fumbled with the strings of the sweatshirt and looked away from me.

"Why are you saying this?" I asked her stepping forward as she stepped back.

"I..it's everything! Julian, Peyton, me, you….this just isn't right." She started walking back to her room and I followed her.

Once I was inside her room I saw that she had started packing.

"What are you doing?" I was shocked and nervous.

"I just…I just think that we have made a mistake and that I have rushed all of this. It's not right. I am doing exactly what that sleazy reporter said I was doing. I killed my fiancé and now I am sleeping with my ex lover."

I was baffled at her. The choice of words she was throwing at me. I hurried out of the room.

"Luke!" I heard her call out but I didn't listen. I ran to the car and reached for the box I had kept hidden away for so long.

I rushed back inside and to her room as she began to start packing again.

"Here." I handed her the worn out box that was daring to crumple due to the rain.

She opened the box and ran her fingers over the delicate materials of my letters. I took in a deep breath.

"I am not going to make this easy. It's going to be really hard. We're going to have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's not with me then fine Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out."

Tears began to stream down her eyes. I could see the conflict and emotion course through her eyes.

"Don't think about anybody else! What everyone else thinks you should do or shouldn't do! Stop thinking about what I want, what _she_ wants! What do _you_ want! What DO you want! Damn it, Brooke, what do you want?" I felt my heart begin to palpitate just a little but I did as my doctor instructed me all those years ago…to just breathe.

She broke out into sobs and her whole body shook.

"I can't be here right now. Please leave me alone." She shoved me out of the room and slammed the door shut.

I placed my hand on the outside of her door and cursed to myself. I went to sit in the kitchen and I buried my head into my hands. This isn't how I wanted it to go; this isn't how I wanted her to react. Was it Peyton setting her off? Was it really the tabloid? What type of package did she receive today?

I didn't realize how much time had gone by until there was a soft knock on the door. I got up from my seat and opened it. Haley covered from head to toe in rain gear was on the other side.

"Hey." She said as she stepped in.

"Did she call you?" I asked her barely making my words audible.

"Yeah. Luke…Nathan told me why you stopped by today and I…I think it's great that is what you want from her, but maybe she just still isn't ready." Haley stopped and when she was going to speak again, Brooke had her bag and she entered the kitchen.

"Can we go now please?"

Lucky for me, I guess, she didn't pack everything; she just packed an overnight bag, well a few nights over bag.

"Yeah Tigger." Haley held out her hand and took Brooke's.

"Bye Luke." Haley said. I smiled at her and waited for Brooke to say something to me.

"Goodnight." She said before leaving with Haley.

I felt crushed, hurt, and almost betrayed, but was I really expecting Brooke to just accept this with open arms. No, I was going to fight for her, and just like I told her, I wasn't going to make this easy for her.

"It's going to be hard."

* * *

><p><strong>Movie lines I used belong to the amazing story adaptation of <em>The<em> _Notebook_. **

**So what are your thoughts? Where do you think I should take it from here? There is obviously a lot of inner demons that Brooke has not dealt with yet, so I am going to work with those...she's been through enough I think that this still shouldn't be rushed...but we'll see where it goes!  
><strong>

**Thanks again everyone...now review and give me your awesome suggestions!  
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